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Words Followed By Signs

kidfunbeachLast time phamily we identified our Playground, our safe place, and played a game of ‘Tag’. We talked about ‘The Four R’s on Your Journey.’

  • First you had to ‘Remember’ your playground, your safe place. Whether the equipment on your playground was the swings, slide, jungle gym, or a place in your present, what’s important is you established your safe ground. Then you were also asked to remember the traumatic situation(s) that has followed you from your childhood into adulthood. I’m sure those were tough memories to remember and write down. But it’s something about writing down horrid experiences. You tend to remember more than what you thought you did and that’s a good thing.
  • Did you remember the small details?  Did you have dreams or visions that possibly filled in the gaps of those traumatic moments? I hope you wrote them down. They bring gifts of healing, forgiveness, and letting go of entities that have harassed you long enough.

Fear

CASE IN POINT: In my memoir I went to our church camp with a group of peers that I didn’t necessarily want to be around, especially one. I called her ‘Birdfinger’ (explanation in the memoir). To make a long story short, it was a rule at the camp that you had to sweep around your bed and make it up before you left the dormitory. I did. I went downstairs to wait on some young girls I met weeks before at camp. Birdfinger was told by my relative, our supervisor, to come back upstairs. My neat bedclothes were now thrown aside and debris was under my bed. In a two story dormitory military lined with two hundred beds my relative screamed at me like I was the trash underneath my bed. Trying to defend myself was nil because she never believed me anyway. I just redid my bed and swept once again.  All I remembered before I started writing my memoir was how no one took up for me or protected me. When I started this chapter I sat back and through raging emotions and tears I yelled at God and asked why didn’t He send someone to protect me? That’s when He gave me a vision of a lady with an afro sitting by a window watching the entire scene. She had tears in her eyes. I cried the more I saw her looking at me with eyes of compassion and love. I realized that the lady was God. The hurt, pain, rage, anger, and blame left my body. I felt those entities lift right up off me. Now grant it I did ask why didn’t He intervene and He told me He couldn’t because it was a part of the plan for my life. And no, I didn’t like His answer but to have those entities off of me was pure heaven. This is what I mean by small details you can miss when you’re being traumatized at any age. God reveals them to heal you at the appropriate time.

summerfun

LET’S TAKE A BREAK AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING FUN:

YOUR DISCOVERY ADVENTURE

Familiar & Practical

  • Did you find out what your soul normally gravitates to? Remember mine is the written or spoken word. I love YA, like author Jaime Reed’s “Living Violet,” or the Paranormal genre, the late great author L.A. Banks The Vampire Huntress Legend Series. As of late I’ve come to know personally and love author, Alicia McCalla. Her Dystopian/YA novel, “Breaking Free,” is a fav read due to her covert inclusion of historical events in this genetic revolution. Check her out at her site and SUBSCRIBE!  You won’t be disappointed.

The other half of your assignment was what abilities have you discovered that you like? It can also be a trait. Are you adventurous? Do you want to travel and see the world? Are you a gardener? COMMENT BELOW. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!

In what creative ways did you found out what your soul naturally gravitates too? Were you reading a book? On the train, in your car, walking? Listening to a conversation, watching television, or maybe dreaming? I really like would like to know because that’s the FUN of this adventure! Finding hidden parts of your self is a beacon of hope!

Okay, let’s get back to the second ‘R’ on your journey:

RECOGNIZE

  • From those traumatic events did you recognize patterns of behaviors from your childhood that you’ve used to survive in your adulthood? Some may be excellent survival strategies but others need to be either modified or deleted.
  •  Can you identify how trauma has affected your choices in several areas of your life? The emotional abuse that you endured has kept you in a holding pattern, shock if you will, in not understanding what your normal is when u comes to making decisions. It’s not in all situations in your life but in some cases you make decisions based on survival instincts of your childhood instead of analyzation and reason in the present. You may be afraid to make a decision based on a past traumatic act that possibly insulted your abilities, demeaned your character, or slaughtered your self-worth.

I know you’ve covered a lot of traumatic emotional territory of your past and I’m sure some of it was not easy to view but it was necessary. I truly commend you for your courage my phriend. It’s not easy to revisit unpleasant places but you are and that is a heart of resiliency and courage. You are feeling the fear and doing it anyway. But let’s take a moment and sit down here and discuss the tag team of ‘Recognize’ while I introduce its twin, the third stage ‘Remove.’

REMOVE

The third stage ‘Remove’ is when you “Discover how to remove certain behaviors and words that no longer serve you in the present moment.”  These two can work together and are interchangeable depending on what traumatic memory is prevalent at the time. Some behaviors and words are easier to remove than others. And those behaviors and words are deeply imbedded in your soul, your psyche, still protecting the little girl that was emotionally damaged. They are the chasm that separates the little girl and the adult. But as an adult you are discovering that a certain behavior and/or word due to possibly fear, rejection, or rebellion has outlived its usefulness. Now it’s time to face the fear and learn a new behavior even when you may not know what to do but do it anyway.

CASE IN POINT: I’ve mentioned before I’ve never liked confrontation. It’s a bitter pill for me to swallow due to being either vehemently screamed at or smacked in the mouth. I learned to fear opening my mouth and speaking my authentic thoughts because of these repercussions. So I held everything in and only spoke what I really wanted to say in my mind. I cursed and killed my abuser a thousand times over and meant every. last. word. Yes, I did repent and eventually forgive my abusers. Lol!

Long story short in the past two weeks I’ve had to confront the two types of people I feared the most, an aggressive female bully and an alpha male. I’ve longed to overcome these fears that began in childhood and continued into my adult years. Well, it happened, and yes, I was scared but I held my ground and opened my mouth and said what I had to say without backing down. And you know what I didn’t get smacked in the mouth or verbally abused. Yes, they spoke their mind as well but we did it in an adult manner and afterwards we had a better understanding of each other. It doesn’t mean we’re bosom buddies but that’s not the point. When I say I felt lighter, happier, and the entity Torment did not have any foothold in my soul to hang on to. Wow!

I had already ‘Recognized’ that it was high time to overcome this childhood fear but each time I was given a chance to I shirked and failed the test. But this time ‘Removal’ wouldn’t allow me to back down and I didn’t want to either. There will come a time that you can’t back down. You will, and must confront whatever has held you in static shock. As a result of these moments physically my body has rested the entire night and my outlook on people has changed. I have returned to the stronghold of hope and my relationship with my Creator and self is more intimate than ever.

lanasmiling

WORDS FOLLOWED BY SIGNS:

                       PEACEFUL

                       HOPEFUL

                       INTIMACY

                       DETERMINED

                       FEARLESS

                       CONTENT

                       TRUSTING

                       ASSURED

DISCOVERY: TELL ME YOUR SIGNS!  I REALLY WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. COMMENT IN THE SECTION BELOW.

Until next time keep allowing the stages of ‘Recognize’ and ‘Remove’ do their jobs. It will be a ‘Tag’ team process and even if you don’t respond by facing your childhood fear don’t worry it will come back at a different time, same type of personality, just a different person. The quicker you face it the quicker you will find your adult truth in the situation followed by signs in your body as it is being healed.

ENJOY FREEBIES!

    To your right SIGN-UP as a SUBSCRIBER! I have a FREE GIFT awaiting you below!!! Also there will be other FREEBIES coming REAL SOON as well!

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

namefaces

WE ARE PHAMILY

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

THANK YOU

Till we meet again travel safely, have a sweet sleep and angels keep, and know that you are not alone.

Namaste’

Lana M Hooks

FREEBIE DOWNLOAD!anotherarrow

-You are worthy to be loved!-

 

LAST THING PHAMILY ENJOY MS. JILL SCOTT! HER SONGS SPEAK TO ME IN WAYS THAT ARE NOT JUST EARTHLY BUT SPIRITUAL! I HOPE YOU “FEEL” WHAT I’M SAYING. SIT BACK WITH YOUR FAVORITE BEVERAGE AND JUST LISTEN TO THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG AND KNOW THAT ‘HE’ LOVES YOU, YOU’RE SPECIAL…

It’s The Simple Things!

Remember the game Tag? I know it’s a child’s game but sometimes it’s the simple things that bring the most clarity to an adult child situation, yeah, an adult child. When you’ve been emotionally traumatized as a child that moment in time is frozen in your mind, cells, and behavior. You learned how to behave in that abusive environment to survive, but unfortunately those techniques followed you into adulthood. Also, that emotionally charged situation left a wound in your soul that you exist from on a daily basis. Dr. Janet Woititz, psychologist, that worked with Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) stated, “…most adult children have in common a set of dysfunctional ways of behaving which interfere with (or simply take the joy out of), daily living…leftovers from something missed along the way in growing up- and to develop more effective ways of living.”[i]  She adds it doesn’t matter how you got there, meaning, rejection, abandonment, molestation or any other emotionally abusive manner. What matters is you are here at this point and age and not living your life.

So today we are going back to our ‘Playground’ and play Tag. The Four R’s On Your Journey are Remember, Recognize, Remove, and Restore. Today we will discuss the first two, Remember and Recognize. In my memoir, “Dirty Breath: Trapped by Rejection,” I talk about places where I felt safe, free, and my weight didn’t matter. The playground was that place for me at school. It’s important you are safe as we journey back to some places that will ignite emotions that have either been deeply buried in your soul or you feel them on a daily basis. If you don’t remember a safe place you have the awesome task of choosing your present day safe place – your playground.

  1. Remember.  Return to your ‘Playground’, your safe place.

Your playground is a time and a place of your choosing that you will be protected and not disturbed. You can sit with a glass of your favorite beverage with pen, pencil, paper, IPad, Kindle, laptop, etc., to write down your intimate thoughts. No one will be there except your Creator, and personal angels to ensure your privacy and safety from things seen and unseen.

 

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TAG

I’M IT: For the last couple of weeks I’ve been talking about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Basically, in relation to how a traumatic past or past-present event, either from your childhood or later has the power to guide and effect your current emotions and behavior. It is possible to believe a demeaning statement that was never your reality but your abusers wounded world. For example…

I’m restructuring my nutritional intake, exercising, and on the grind rebuilding and discovering streams of income. It’s a lot, but more importantly, it is pulling up past abusive scenes, faces, and words of moments regarding relationships (family, peers, religious), weight, abilities to learn, and money (poverty beliefs).

At the end of June I had an emotional breakup. Yes, an emotional breakup with what “they” said. I’ve said probably a million times before that I wasn’t what “they” said about me but I didn’t believe a word of what came out of my mouth.  I couldn’t see the other side of ‘their’ hurtful words. I lived in my mind where the entity Torment daily did its job. Those dysfunctional childhood situations, people, and words played over and over in my mind as if they were literally here, with me, in present mode. I lived each and every day with a stress level that was slowly killing me. I walked, talked, and thought in Torment’s world of bondage and fear.

*As a side note you will see me refer to emotions whether negative or positive as entities. Words have power and yes, I do believe that life and death is in the power of the tongue. Try this test. Say aloud the word ‘beautiful.’ How does it make you feel? What part of the body do you feel the energy of that word? Now say aloud the word ‘ugly.’ How does it make you feel and what part of the body is the energy flowing from? I believe words carry the energy of their definition. Depending on the word and the intent of the person it searches for a wounded soul or a welcomed soul to inhabit. They enter in one’s body by another body saying words that are carried by their breath. *

Belief in a word, a statement, a person in anything can either bring life or death. I treaded in death’s hallway even though I spoke life giving words. I even strongly encouraged others with those same words. But to me, they were just words. My beliefs in the esteem damaging words were stronger than my belief in life-giving words.

I wanted Torment to stop. Even though heart issues, like weight loss, from childhood were being answered by the Divine the critical self-talk and scenes from yesteryear were killing me. In my memoir I tell the story of why it means so much to me that my Creator would answer an eight year old little girl’s prayer forty-five years later. But I knew this madness had to stop. I had to make it stop. So I made up in my mind that day, screaming at the top of my lungs, crying and looking like a raccoon, to the Divine and the Council of Heaven that I was not going to accept my abusers talk anymore and I needed their help! With snot running out of my nose and down my lips I declared to heaven, earth, and all the negative entities that I wasn’t going to talk to “me” that wounded way anymore. I was double dogg damned tired. My Creator knew this time I meant every word and He heard me, as I’m sure the negative entities did too, but I didn’t care. My answers and help were waiting on me to just get tired as yours are waiting on you, I’m sure.

I’ve been talking about weight loss but rest assured you can apply this practice to whatever was used to traumatize you. The entity used to traumatize me was Rejection. If you are diligently losing weight and your self-talk is still the same, you will gain the weight back. I promise you will. But first, let’s identify the unlimited various ways in which the Universe can assist you in answering your questions.  I will share with you mine as an example.

1. FAMILIAR & PRACTICAL: I’m a reader. My soul gravitates to books on psychology, spirituality, soul, and consciousness. I think you get the picture. So when I’m seeking to be healed in my emotions or questions answered the Master of all scribes sends me the answer to what He knows that will peak my interest. Thus, the above stated avenues. The written word is not my only link, just like you, we all have hobbies or interest like movies, etc., and that we just love to do or view. There is no explanation why other than it brings us a peace in our soul (mind, body, emotions).  In other words it’s fulfilling and that’s why the Creator uses what you naturally acclimate to.

 

boygirltag

TAG

YOU’RE IT: Take a minute phamily and think about your hobbies or interests. What do you like to do without thinking about it? Are you a reader of romance, paranormal, or biographies? Do you play sports, jog, walk, paint, knit, writer, or a diy’er? When your body and mind is in fun motion do ideas come to you quicker than you are moving? How does doing the things you like make your body feel? Even if you don’t know what you like, what would you like to venture out and do? Whatever is the first thing that comes to mind just…

WRITE THOSE DOWN!    laptopdrink

 

TAG

I’M IT: RECOGNIZE: This is the second of ‘The Four R’s on Your Journey. Explore the various ways you’ve operated to survive. ‘Pay Attention’ and be ‘Aware’ of your thoughts, words, and behaviors. Learn the frequency by which your soul speaks.

Now that you’ve written down your familiar and practical avenues let’s continue. What is the traumatic event, like a New York turnstile, continuously playing over and over in your head? No matter where you are at, with people, or by yourself, the scenes from that moment reverberate in your soul. For me it was the scene of learning how to ride a bike and I was told because I was fat I couldn’t learn. I know it sounds crazy but that scene coupled with the words, looks, and behaviors of key players set the stage for all my male/female/authoritative relationships, job choices, and trying new things, and it greatly affected how I felt about my weight going forward. The belief system I learned from my abuser’s was birthed from not learning how to ride a bike.

1. I believed I couldn’t learn anything without someone being there to hold onto for security.

2. I believed that close family members would not protect me. In fact they verbally and sometimes physically abused me in front of my peers and other authority figures or remained silent and did nothing. I knew by the age of ten adult figures in my family would not protect me. I tell stories in my book of how the more I was rejected by those who supposedly loved me I became invisible and buried my voice.

3. I believed that other female peers would either not look at me due to the entity Shame or Pity and would join in with the adult figures of my family and verbally abuse me. Guys that I liked would look away from me due to the entity Embarrassment or Pity. They bowed to peer pressure for fear of being ridiculed of liking a fat girl. I knew by the age of eight nice looking guys would not want to be with me unless under the guise of darkness because I was fat.

4. I believed that I couldn’t verbally hurt people back because I didn’t want them to feel that kind of hurt and more so I was afraid of being physically hit. Before I decided to not fight back I tried to verbally defend myself. I was met with a hit to my mouth by the adult or, in their rage, would scream and verbally berate me in front of my peers and other adults. The cost of the entities Embarrassment, Shame, and Pain was too high to pay. So I remained quiet.

5. I believed that the only place I could live freely was in my imagination, sexual fantasies and thoughts, in essence, in my head. My thoughts and words were not good enough to express openly. Since I was physically compared to my peers I imitated their personality, physical expressions, even how they spoke. I committed “identity theft” which done excessively becomes ‘multiple personality disorder.’ My thoughts, voice, and personality went to sleep deep inside my soul.

In a more simplified form this was my belief system.

  1. Afraid to learn new things because I thought I was the entity Dumb.
  2. Not good enough to be a friend with females, or be with a nice looking guy because I was fat, or voice my thoughts.
  3. No one will protect me especially family.
  4. Fear of authority figures (God & man). Those that claimed they were His children became bullies and physically abusive when you challenged them. So I thought since they were His children He sanctioned their behavior towards me which, in my mind, made Him a bully too.
  5. Afraid of being hit or verbally abused by females and males (adults and peers) if I disagreed with what they said or told me what to do.

I believed that I was a bad seed and unworthy to be loved by God or man. This belief system followed me well into my adult years all because I didn’t learn how to ride a bike. Wow! Like I said I know this sounds, well, crazy, but it’s true. It wasn’t just this one time but it was the initial seed planted in me. The scenes and people changed but the pattern of how I was treated by family and peers consistently was based on the initial seed until the age of ten. At that age and a kick to my leg the belief systems were solidified in my soul. Emotional Abuse is as real as Physical Abuse. In fact, both are equally as harmful. It just depends on which one will be predominantly used against you. But both will be present no matter which one is used more than the other. If this sounds like you…

 tag

TAG

YOU’RE IT: Write down your memory or memories and see what belief system you’ve accepted as yours to survive. This may take some time so we will resume week after next, August 15th, with another blog post. But feel free to view past blog post at lanamhooks.com and read other articles on why I began to discuss PTSD.

I’m celebrating three wonderful birthday’s coming up in a matter of days. And I want to be fully present with them as they celebrate another glorious year of their marvelous lives!

Until we meet again the entity Pay Attention and Aware wants to show you other avenues or ways that you naturally gravitate to without thought that give you messages or answers to your questions. This is fun because you may not have been aware of these at all. Just be open with the entity Pay Attention and Aware and allow energy of the definition to do its work and watch what happens. And don’t forget to

WRITE THEM DOWN!

blackfemalewriting

 

 

 

That will be a part of your quest for next time as well!

 

timeoutTIME OUT!

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU

Leave a comment and let me know if what I’m writing is helping you face some traumatic memories and to finally leave that place to feel, think, speak, and live your authentic life. Also let me know your thoughts about having HANGOUTS in the near future with guest who will not only share their journeys as well but give words of wisdom to conquer the trauma!

ENJOY FREEBIES!

    To your right SIGN-UP as a SUBSCRIBER! I have a FREE GIFT awaiting you below!!! Also there will be other FREEBIES coming REAL SOON as well!

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

 I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

    heartyfruit

WE ARE PHAMILY

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

 

THANK YOU

Until we meet again travel safely, have a sweet sleep and angels keep, and know that you are not alone.

Namaste’

Lana M Hooks

FREEBIE DOWNLOAD!

anotherarrow

 

 

 

 

 

 

Authenticity Rocks Reader Magnet for Dirty Breath1

 *****THE SONG FOR THIS BLOG WAS MY FAVORITE BACK IN THE DAY! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TAG BUT IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PLAYGROUND. I ALSO THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IT WAS A FUN SONG THAT EVEN CHILDREN AND ADULTS DANCED TO! ****  ENJOY!!!


[i] Dr. Janet Woititz, Adult Child Characteristics: Alcoholic & Dysfunctional Families, http://www.cyberus.ca/~rocksoft/teddysrule/chars/charactr.html

 

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

God Help The Child

Thirty-five years ago sitting in a small classroom at a Big Ten university I was given a syllabus by my instructor. Little did I know that an assigned book entitled “The Bluest Eye” by author #ToniMorrison would speak to my silenced soul. The main character Pecola believed that whiteness was beautiful and her dark skin was ugly. She also believed that if she had blue eyes her life would be somehow different and those that were charged to protect her would finally love her. Skin color was not my issue but I had the same belief as Pecola. If I were smaller those that were given to be stewards over my life would love me too. I read this book in one night. I cried as I read Pecola’s emotional and behavioral struggle. But in hindsight I believe I was crying with Pecola, acknowledging and sharing her angst, and learned self-hatred. It was the first time I’d ever read a book that unlocked a part of my wounded soul that I kept locked with a deadbolt. Fast forward. Thirty-five years. It’s July 8, 2015.

I’m sitting at the MARTA Kensington train station reading “God Help the Child.” The main character is Lula Ann but as an adult she calls herself ‘Bride.’ Uncanny that as I’m reading she reminds me of Pecola in skin color but darker, “blue-black” as her mother Sweetness spoke of her child. I don’t want to give away the story but I will say this, if you’ve ever been emotionally abused, verbally and physically and you’re still battling the trauma of those events, this book is for you. It’s about what and how you deal with the trauma in the aftermath of having survived the hell you’ve gone through. All the while I was reading I thought it was about Bride and it is but Booker her lover and his aunt Olive were the ones who as they say in church ‘gave me a word’ that wrecked my existence.

Bride is searching for Booker who left her without a full explanation. He just plainly told her, “You’re not the one.” Her anger not being satisfied with his statement and an unpaid pawn shop bill that was addressed to her residence sends her on a road trip in search of this man. The road trip is a metaphor for Bride to contemplate her past relationship with her mother, her teaching life lessons to Bride, the neglect of not being touched, the denial of seeing others sexually abused, and the lies to gain her mother’s attention and longing for her touch. This truly is more than a road trip. A brilliant and creative addition that Ms. Morrison includes is, as Bride is reminiscing on her past, her physical body is reverting back to that little blue-black girl with virgin earlobes and childlike breast. Her wounded emotions and past scenes of her life through the people that she meets along the way to find Booker force her to reevaluate her present life, behavior, and beliefs.

There are other supporting characters such as Brooklyn, her Caucasian best friend that is extremely Envious of Bride. She hides it well, but as you read you will see it rear its head out of hiding in pretending to ‘be on her side.’ Sofia, a teacher who was identified as being a child molester when Lula Ann was a student has been released. Bride desires to meet her to welcome her back in society. Not a good idea. Sweetness, Bride’s mother knows deep down she thoroughly messed up in raising her. She thinks she was preparing her for the world because of her color but the only thing she did was push Bride away. And in the end Bride pushed her away into a place where she is safe from her mother’s words and her presence.  Sweetness is given the basic respect of a child. Bride sends her letters to inform her of her life and sometimes inclusive of money to make sure she is well-taken cared of but never her presence. That loving touch she denied her child is now being denied to her in her mature years.

When Bride finally finds Booker their meeting is loud, volatile and even though I don’t like physicality in that manner, this was very much needed. The reservoir of left behind energy explodes from emotions that have been bottled up far too long. It does settle down with Bride spent from exerting all that energy and falling asleep. But it’s the dialogue between he and his Aunt Olive, as Bride sweetly sleeps, from pages one fifty-six through one fifty-nine that kept me reading them over and over on the train until I reached Five Points and boarded my next train to get to work. My train ride and reading that dialogue, as Bride’s road trip, ignited me to go back to see what I left from my past that I needed now. But it also told me in no uncertain terms how I sabotaged what Life was bringing me to change my situation. Sometimes you really have to question why is it when Life comes to transform your belief system, change your lifestyle, or give you your heart’s desire you push it away? Do you think you are being noble to not let go of an ignorant word spoken from another wounded vessel? Do you feel like if you let go of a deceased person you loved and they loved you in return is betraying that person? Can you be loved? Do you deserve to be loved? Do you manage the dead or do they manage you?

Those four pages urged me to clean out all my bins of books, clothes and other material wares and donate them to one of my charities. Cleaning out my bins I came across thoughts in journals, words of enlightenment, poems, undergraduate thesis, Black history papers and bio’s, spiritual writings on growth and insight to the soul, and international travel brochures. I picked back up from those bins what I forgot. And that night I dreamt of my deceased mother who I spoke to on the phone but I could see her and she gave me a message of hope.

Ms. Morrison opened again a part of my soul that other people had been telling me in so many words but just like in “The Bluest Eye” Ms. Morrison has a way with words that make you see clearly. Or, maybe I was ready to not just hear these words but destroy a belief system that was managing me. The Divine knew that Ms. Morrison could get His point across to me and I wouldn’t miss it.

This book is ten stars and then some. Ms. Morrison’s excellent novel’s message came full circle in my soul. I’ve never been more at peace than I am now. The alignment was perfect. From reading the excerpt in Essence magazine in my birthday month of May, to receiving it as a birthday gift by my sister friend, who came as a surprise for my birthday gathering from Maryland, this was divinely orchestrated. Thank you Ms. Morrison for not just hearing my soul cry but countless others whose spirit wooed you to write this divine work.

I said it in the beginning and I will say it as I end. If you have been emotionally abused, verbally and physically, this book is for you. Now don’t jump ahead to those pages I mentioned that’s cheating…lol! Read these character’s lives and hear their voice. You might just hear yours intertwined with theirs.

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

God Help The Child

Thirty-five years ago sitting in a small classroom at a Big Ten university I was given a syllabus by my instructor. Little did I know that an assigned book entitled “The Bluest Eye” by author #ToniMorrison would speak to my silenced soul. The main character Pecola believed that whiteness was beautiful and her dark skin was ugly. She also believed that if she had blue eyes her life would be somehow different and those that were charged to protect her would finally love her. Skin color was not my issue but I had the same belief as Pecola. If I were smaller those that were given to be stewards over my life would love me too. I read this book in one night. I cried as I read Pecola’s emotional and behavioral struggle. But in hindsight I believe I was crying with Pecola, acknowledging and sharing her angst, and learned self-hatred. It was the first time I’d ever read a book that unlocked a part of my wounded soul that I kept locked with a deadbolt. Fast forward. Thirty-five years. It’s July 8, 2015.

I’m sitting at the MARTA Kensington train station reading “God Help the Child.” The main character is Lula Ann but as an adult she calls herself ‘Bride.’ Uncanny that as I’m reading she reminds me of Pecola in skin color but darker, “blue-black” as her mother Sweetness spoke of her child. I don’t want to give away the story but I will say this, if you’ve ever been emotionally abused, verbally and physically and you’re still battling the trauma of those events, this book is for you. It’s about what and how you deal with the trauma in the aftermath of having survived the hell you’ve gone through. All the while I was reading I thought it was about Bride and it is but Booker her lover and his aunt Olive were the ones who as they say in church ‘gave me a word’ that wrecked my existence.

Bride is searching for Booker who left her without a full explanation. He just plainly told her, “You’re not the one.” Her anger not being satisfied with his statement and an unpaid pawn shop bill that was addressed to her residence sends her on a road trip in search of this man. The road trip is a metaphor for Bride to contemplate her past relationship with her mother, her teaching life lessons to Bride, the neglect of not being touched, the denial of seeing others sexually abused, and the lies to gain her mother’s attention and longing for her touch. This truly is more than a road trip. A brilliant and creative addition that Ms. Morrison includes is, as Bride is reminiscing on her past, her physical body is reverting back to that little blue-black girl with virgin earlobes and childlike breast. Her wounded emotions and past scenes of her life through the people that she meets along the way to find Booker force her to reevaluate her present life, behavior, and beliefs.

There are other supporting characters such as Brooklyn, her Caucasian best friend that is extremely Envious of Bride. She hides it well, but as you read you will see it rear its head out of hiding in pretending to ‘be on her side.’ Sofia, a teacher who was identified as being a child molester when Lula Ann was a student has been released. Bride desires to meet her to welcome her back in society. Not a good idea. Sweetness, Bride’s mother knows deep down she thoroughly messed up in raising her. She thinks she was preparing her for the world because of her color but the only thing she did was push Bride away. And in the end Bride pushed her away into a place where she is safe from her mother’s words and her presence.  Sweetness is given the basic respect of a child. Bride sends her letters to inform her of her life and sometimes inclusive of money to make sure she is well-taken cared of but never her presence. That loving touch she denied her child is now being denied to her in her mature years.

When Bride finally finds Booker their meeting is loud, volatile and even though I don’t like physicality in that manner, this was very much needed. The reservoir of left behind energy explodes from emotions that have been bottled up far too long. It does settle down with Bride spent from exerting all that energy and falling asleep. But it’s the dialogue between he and his Aunt Olive, as Bride sweetly sleeps, from pages one fifty-six through one fifty-nine that kept me reading them over and over on the train until I reached Five Points and boarded my next train to get to work. My train ride and reading that dialogue, as Bride’s road trip, ignited me to go back to see what I left from my past that I needed now. But it also told me in no uncertain terms how I sabotaged what Life was bringing me to change my situation. Sometimes you really have to question why is it when Life comes to transform your belief system, change your lifestyle, or give you your heart’s desire you push it away? Do you think you are being noble to not let go of an ignorant word spoken from another wounded vessel? Do you feel like if you let go of a deceased person you loved and they loved you in return is betraying that person? Can you be loved? Do you deserve to be loved? Do you manage the dead or do they manage you?

Those four pages urged me to clean out all my bins of books, clothes and other material wares and donate them to one of my charities. Cleaning out my bins I came across thoughts in journals, words of enlightenment, poems, undergraduate thesis, Black history papers and bio’s, spiritual writings on growth and insight to the soul, and international travel brochures. I picked back up from those bins what I forgot. And that night I dreamt of my deceased mother who I spoke to on the phone but I could see her and she gave me a message of hope.

Ms. Morrison opened again a part of my soul that other people had been telling me in so many words but just like in “The Bluest Eye” Ms. Morrison has a way with words that make you see clearly. Or, maybe I was ready to not just hear these words but destroy a belief system that was managing me. The Divine knew that Ms. Morrison could get His point across to me and I wouldn’t miss it.

This book is ten stars and then some. Ms. Morrison’s excellent novel’s message came full circle in my soul. I’ve never been more at peace than I am now. The alignment was perfect. From reading the excerpt in Essence magazine in my birthday month of May, to receiving it as a birthday gift by my sister friend, who came as a surprise for my birthday gathering from Maryland, this was divinely orchestrated. Thank you Ms. Morrison for not just hearing my soul cry but countless others whose spirit wooed you to write this divine work.

I said it in the beginning and I will say it as I end. If you have been emotionally abused, verbally and physically, this book is for you. Now don’t jump ahead to those pages I mentioned that’s cheating…lol! Read these character’s lives and hear their voice. You might just hear yours intertwined with theirs.

Accept It But You Don’t Have to Own It

Accept It But You Don’t Have to Own It

Ok Phamily, last I shared I wanted to be more open about my emotional awareness journey. Well, being aware and mindful about my behavioral reactions to situations have led me to accept a sickness, but not own it, it is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  Honestly, those who have been through any perilous situation have PTSD to some degree.  I’ve been reading about our veteran’s who serve the country and come back with this disorder because of how they’ve had to survive from lack of sleep, being gun ready to shoot, having shot a child or an adult first for fear of their lives being taken, patrolling territories that are bombed constantly, etc., I mean the list is endless. After reading the symptoms over and over again, as well as being told by a dear friend that when certain trigger words are said to me, I react in the same manner as a veteran challenged by PTSD. I concur.

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If you’ve been through any consistent traumatic settings that are volatile from your childhood to young adult you have been in a war. Surviving in a home that was verbally or physically abusive will keep you on edge and constantly wondering when the next bomb is going to go off. You learn a different language altogether suffocating your authentic voice. It is imperative to find the exact words to keep your abuser at bay. You tiptoe around the home like a church mouse to throw off your location so your abuser can’t find you.  Change in the home is dynamic in nature. Situations are always occuring that after a while are predictable in form to know what the outcome will be. Preparation for an event is rare because the mood of an abuser is unpredictable. Trying to guage an attack is fifty-fifty at best. You want to have control over an incoming explosion, but really you feel out of control, especially if you are a child living in an emotionally unstable hazardous environment.

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At work today I was notarizing a lady’s document and she began to tell me about her relationship with her mother who transitioned in 2014. Listening to her she made several statements that reminded me of my childhood. For a minute I felt that I was looking at me talking about how verbally abusive my home was growing up. But what came next out of her 60ish mouth was this, “My mother never told me that she loved me. It was not until the day before she died that she told me that I was right. She finally admitted that she had never said those words to me.” She watched and heard her mother praise all of her friends but for her it was shame and ridicule. All she wanted from her mother was acceptance, but instead she greatly feared her mother because of her verbal whip that lashed out at her and said, “you aren’t good enough.”I sat there listening to her but in my head it was replay of me and my mother a week before she transitioned in 2007. Isn’t it amazing that so many years later, no matter the age, that what was not spoken or shown can possibly affect an adult in her relationships with herself, children, and others.

Fear

If what I’ve said has resonated in you like Big Ben the clock then you may have PTSD. Now to what degree only you can define that measure. And I will add don’t be afraid to seek help, you only have two modes you operate from in a traumatic situation, survival, or, you revert back to sucking your thumb. You need someone who doesn’t know you, like your friends (it’s a lot for them to digest and more than likely they have their own issues as well), who can give you options, choices, and another unbiased perspective. These are the very things you didn’t have as a child and you grew up as an adult/child with the same belief system. I’m saying these things because I’m right here with you. I’m not telling you anything that I am not going through myself.

Isn’t it amazing how mature you can behave in one area of your life but in another you need a pamper. Traumatic events leave traces of those same exact emotions and feelings in your mind and cells. Your body literally is held hostage or frozen in time when you encounter a similar situation as an adult. It’s like you’ve never left that scene. Different people but same sh#t. We forget or sometimes don’t know that really, we are adults now. I know for me I don’t know that I’m an adult in certain situations, like when I have to confront someone who is extremely aggressive or a bully. This is my hurdle to overcome. But the truth is we are all battling something. So the question becomes what are we going to do besides seek outside help?

iRestYoga

Well, I have a few suggestions. I came across a yoga program for the veterans called iRest Yoga. You can go on YouTube and type it in and several video’s will pull up with the practice, as well a,s Dr. Richard Miller of Integrative Medicine who created the program. In my last blog I talked about falling in love with Yoga and how it has helped my body begin to heal and nerves unwind from Sciatica. It is wonderful. Now I am adding to the list iRest Yoga to see if it helps me sleep better and release stress. Try it! If it doesn’t work then seek Divine help to see what is your “thing” that can help you not just deal with trauma and stress but let it go. I believe it can leave it just may take some time. Like I said in the beginning I accept PTSD but I don’t own it. It was never mine in the first place. It was placed upon me like it was upon you. And you can send back that energy to the sender anytime of the day. I have a mantra that I say each time I feel the need to. It goes like this:

Father, this day I reclaim my energy from all past and present relationships, family, culture; their words, behaviors, and looks from those that I misappropriated my ignorantly taught, misaligned perceptions and beliefs about relationships, family, culture, religious and educational affiliations, and business and social connections! This day I choose to own MY energy!

My wall in front of my bed is my “Inspiration Wall,” (see picture below, apologize for the size). These sayings are the first thing I see when I wake up. I say them even if I don’t feel it. That’s when I say them with more passon and fervor. I have scriptures, pictures, covenants, and art work, “Psalms 23.” God is carrying the lamb on His shoulders with hands afixed around his hoofs. The lamb is looking at Him assured that he is protected by the Great Shepherd. I add to it as needed when a quote touches me in my soul. I have one from “Pretty Little Liars,” or one of my anime shows, “Soul Eater – Not!” Wisdom knows no bounds. (Don’t judge 😉

inspiration wall (61x100)

iRest is just a suggestion that I will see if it helps as well. I hope it does. Remember healing is always available just maybe not in the way we’d like it to be like – NOW! But it is available and just because you are diagnosed with a sickness or disease doesn’t mean you have to own it. I choose to find the real culprit of the malady. This is just a question I’m throwing out to you phamily.  Have you ever wondered how is it that someone can either go through what you went through or even worse but emotionally, seemingly, they are not damaged? In fact they are confident, kind, assertive, yet humble. All I know is I WANT WHAT THEY’RE DRINKING…LOL!

But this was just one of those da-m-rn days that I wanted to share with you and I hope it helped you in some way. If it did please subscribe to my blog and tell a friend. We are all on this journey together living, learning, and sharing. Please share with me “things” you do to release the stress and trauma of yesteryear or day. I would love to know in the comments!

I am worth it

Namaste’

Lana (Lah-nuh or Lan-nuh, just not Line-nuh 🙂

It’s Been A Long Time

It’s Been A Long Time

Gods shineHey Phamily!

I hope this note finds everyone well and enjoying this spring weather soon to be summer. Here in Atlanta it hasn’t been that hot but I know we will have some of those days in a minute or so. Well, I know I haven’t written anything since February and I owe you a huge apology on several levels. One, I discovered some things about myself that admittedly I didn’t want to face, two, time. It felt like I never had enough time in the day to get things done (mis-management). And three, I was to embarrassed to share them with you. Yes, I am sitting in the corner and I’m giving you the “I’m sorry” stare. How can we talk if I’m not willing to share the most inner parts of my life, that quite frankly, I’m sure we all go through. So I am revamping my site, accepting all my stuff (you know I will say that word alot:-), being honest with myself, and most importantly with you guys.  Forgive me, please? 🙁

imsorry

Just to give you the rundown of what’s been happening and I will share more later. One, I am losing weight and it has been a helluva challenge for me. I’m an old school thinker of losing weight but my fifty-three year old body is saying, “Damn girl, you can’t do that aerobic s#&t like you used to.” So I’m having to regroup, and rethink how to lose weight for my temple in its present state. Now mind you I’ve lost 55 lbs. since last September!!! YAY!!! But I barely exercised, I just started cooking and laying off the fast food, or little to no food. Being told that anything I ate was going to make me fat, I HATED FOOD. I was AFRAID of food. This belief system had to go. I profusely apologized to my body of how I deprived it of nutrients that it needed from food. I starved her. Yes, starved her and still weighed in the two hundred plussssses! It can happen, trust me. I am mending my relationship with food and falling in love with her by cooking her for my temple to receive what she needs. FOOD NETWORK is my soap opera…lol!

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I am doing YOGA!!! Yes, Yoga. I stretch forty-four minutes, four days out of the week. Don’t you dare laugh (it’s okay, I laugh at me too). My body needs that stretch to pop out the kinks. This is what you have to do when you don’t have a man…lol!  Okay, I digress. Then I follow it by STRENGTH training, about twenty minutes. I have really fallen in love with resistance bands. They are the bomb. Better than a five pound weight in my hands. Then I do CARDIO on my elliptical machine. Now mind you I’ve had this machine since 2004. I see you laughin’ yo’ tail off and I deserve every snicker of it. This machine has sat in my den (when I had a home), storage space, and now living room in my apartment right beside the dinette table. I know it is in shock from seeing me climb on with my timer and do an intense twenty minute workout. And finally, I do CRUNCHES! I’m up to fifty crunches and I increase ten each week.

My weight has been my Achilles heel since I was ten years old. A belief system I breathed and believed in me regarding my weight that was yelled at me has lived in my psyche and cells far to long. I have used it as an excuse to stop living and exist on the periphery of life. I have a been a bystander and watched other people live and believed it was not for me – BULLSHIT!

I WANT TO RIDE THE ROLLERCOASTERS AT SIX FLAGS AND BUNGEE JUMPING!!!

This is the summer and really year of “TAKING BACK MY LIFE!”

My temple deserves to live out the rest of its life in excellent health in every way. I owe my temple from all those years of carrying unnecessary words (since the age of ten), other people’s stuff (their problem with their own weight and life choices), and physically not allowing anyone to help me lift heavy items (sometimes I had to when no one else was around/and afraid of men). So phamily I’m losing weight and weights of things that no longer serve me. Like “letting go” of old scenes, situations, and people by FORGIVING them and FORGETTING the emotions, the feelings of whatever offended me, and I them, too. It’s been a crawl pholk, but worth it. And lastly, I want to be married before I forget what it feels like to have a man in my life. I don’t want to be a spinster, an angry, embittered female who blames men for all her ills. That is so unfair to the brothers who are doing the right thing. But nor do I want to be with just any man to say I have one. No. I want to be with the man that God really created for me and I for him. So phamily this is just a tidbit of what is going on in my world. I haven’t even got to the economical belief system that needs to be thrown out and revamped. But I can tell you this it is also tied to my weight – go figure. I will have more to tell you in a little bit. I may put one more blog on here just to give you an update with pictures of me. We’ll see 😉

LASTLY, (for real)

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I’m looking at how to make the site more interactive, fun, and inclusive. If you guys have any ideas please share them with me in the comments section. I’d appreciate any and all suggestions. And if you wanna be a guest blogger, by all means, introduce yourself by emailing me on the CONTACT page. I guess that’s it for now. I will see you when school starts in August. So for now everyone enjoy your summer, do something fun, and plunge into it with all of your being!summerfun

Namaste’

Your Name – Flight, Fight, or Both

Your Name – Flight, Fight, or Both
Your name matters!
Your name matters!

 

“The fight-or-flight response (also called the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response [in PTSD], hyperarousal, or the acute stress response) is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful eventattack, or threat to survival.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight-or-flight_response_%28in_humans%29)

Refer to this definition as often as needed during this blog. I’m sure you will 😉

me1I grew up in the era of names like Michelle, Rochelle, Bianca, Denise, Trina, Karen, Tayren, and here I was Lana. It is pronounced “Lah-nuh,” or “Lan-nuh.” Either one is fine with me but when one pronounces it like “Lane-nuh,” or “Line-nuh,” I see red! Suffice it to say I hated my name.

Have you ever visited bookstores and on a carousel were name cards and their meanings? Did you vigorously look for your name but never found it? Me too.

It wasn’t until I was in my late twenty’s that I was given a card for my birthday by a very good friend. She had a special gift to give people cards that said exactly what they needed to hear. When I saw what my name meant I cried. The card said, “Light,” and the picture on the front was that of an eagle. The scripture attached was Isaiah 40:31, “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint,” (English Standard Version).

Everywhere I went that card was with me. It reminded me that I was “Light,” even though I’d existed and operated in darkness, beginning in the womb of my mother. My life was dark, dank, and it stunk. I hid most of the time from the light. I hid in the background blending in with the scenery, or underneath the basement stairwell as a child to block out the verbal trash thrown at me. But my favorite place to hide was in television shows, romance novels, or a pornographic tale. Yep! Darkness was my friend, confidant and my secret keeper. It allowed me to unleash my anger, rage, bitterness, jealousy, hate and murder against those who verbally or at times physically abused me. This was my light and I was in both modes. I was fighting to be left alone and in flight to get emotionally and physically away from family, religious circles and academic halls. The words that I was called and the statements I was told like, “fat, dysfunctional, stupid, average, and no man will marry me because I was fat,” I was far away from being light. I was darkness personified and I believed that I was with my whole heart.

In the beginning of the new millennial I was compelled to further research the meaning of my name. With the swiftness of the internet and a push of a button several meanings flew across the screen. Still killing trees (didn’t have recycled paper) I wrote them down in my journal to look at the meanings from other cultures.

  • In Latin, it means, “wooly and appealing to the eye.” Don’t judge but I had too much testosterone in my body and yes, I had to shave quite frequently. I operated in both modes. This further proved, in my mind, that I wasn’t feminine enough. This was another negative strike against me of not being able to have a boyfriend.
  • In Hawaiian, it means, “calm as still waters; afloat.”  Well, I appeared calm to people on the outside, but inside I was a raging bull, which happens to be my birth sign – Taurus. And I can’t swim to save my life. Flight.
  • In Ireland, it means, “little rock.” My heart had been hardened over time just like a rock, and had built a mountain. Fight.
  • In Gaelic, it means, “child.” This one touches me the most because of the verbal abuse as a child and the trauma it left in its wake. As an adult I’ve had to listen to my child express her voice – something she couldn’t do at the appropriate age.
  • Just as of late, the Urban Dictionary’s definition of my name agrees with in my being. It is, “sweet, melodious, soft voice, sensuous, caring, sultry, loyal friend and protective mother, smoldering hottie under the angelic appearance, a lady in every way, intelligent, educated and a fine specimen of womanhood who is peace loving and will work to make things right in the world, a true lover of all people who also makes a good teacher, nurse or healer. She is a born leader but humble about it, and will always encourage you to do your best. She has high standards and loves her men to be intelligent, kind, responsible and healthy. Once you have her heart, she will do anything for you. Once you betray her, she will forgive you but never trust you again. She is a good hearted woman, but not a fool.” This definition partially sums my personality, character, beliefs, gifts and occupations in a nutshell.

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Now it’s your turn. Write down your name in your journal. Look it up on the internet and write down every definition you find. If your name is more modern like Alize’, Subaru, Tanisha, Tanqueray or a combination of a family or friend’s name look their names up and you will find your meaning. This research will be life changing because you will see the scenes of your life play right before your eyes. You will discern your behavior and/or action of flight, fight or both in existing or hopefully living your life.

As I gave you the examples of the meanings of my name you can see the fight, flight or both. The revelations of these definitions will explain why you were treated as such and this will also give you the courage to reclaim the positivity of your name. Now if your name means something belittling, demeaning or offensive this is where you will have to view the opposite of its meaning and embrace those words. Another way to embrace the positive nature of your name is to research the origins of your name. It may be embedded in another name. For example, Alize’ has its origins in French and English but it also sounds like several other variations in African, Greek, and Hebrew. The meaning of it is, “Trade-winds.” Choose the definition that resonates within your gut. Your gut response will be the true meaning of your name as it relates to your journey. There is another spelling and definition of Alize, which is the wine and it means “Clouds of Heaven.” If you can’t choose right now take some time and pray and/or meditate over the definitions and wait until you get an answer that brings peace to your soul.

nonameLastly, if you’ve never liked your name ask yourself why? What made you not like your name? Was an unkind word said about your name? Were you named after a relative that maybe your family didn’t like but they liked their name? I  know. They why name you after a person they didn’t like? [Sigh] The story surrounding your name will reveal why your life has taken emotional, mental and sometimes physical twists and turns.

In spite of how and why you were given a name, you have the power to change the meaning of your name.  My name means “Light,” even though I experienced darkness. I decided, I chose to turn my back on the darkness and see the light in me and around me. It wasn’t as easy as saying it because darkness didn’t want to let go so easy and truthfully I was afraid to let go of my familiar friend as well. Daily I stumbled, but got back up to seek the “Light” in me. In each cultural meaning of my name I took the positive and made it my own. I’m still doing this process, daily. I refuse to agree with the critic of my present and the abuser’s voice of my past. I, with my Creator, determine the trajectory of my emotions, behavior, and beliefs.

Some people have changed their names to a name that they believe fits who they are. This is there way of taking back their power over the ones who abused them.  Renaming yourself to your liking is perfectly alright. But your name, chosen, by your parents speaks volumes to the building of your foundations of your belief systems and if you change your name then those systems must be changed as well.

I want you to spend some time in this area because:

  1. These will more than likely dredge up memories whether good, bad, ugly, or indifferent. Write them down. Ask the Universe why…? And only you can finish the ending of that question.
  2.  Going forward you will never view yourself the same again. You will analyze your belief systems to see how your name has affected your emotions and behaviors.
  3. This sets the tone for our gatherings and journey back to your authenticity.

As you are researching your name email me your questions and please leave a comment below about this blog. I do want to hear from you and see how your journey is going.

loveyournameAlso when you have come to terms with your name say it aloud several times to hear your voice! YOUR VOICE! Keep repeating it for as long as you want. Why?

  1. Pay attention to its impact and frequency in your soul! It will “feel” quite different than before you chose to be at peace with your name.
  2. Feel the confidence you exude to yourself and others.
  3. And from this point on nicely correct those who may mispronounce your name or incorrectly spell it.
  4. Your name is not just your name it is by whom you are addressed and its meanings carry your past, present and future. Take back your power, your energy, and your name – in love!

Namaste

Your 6 Traveling Companions

Your 6 Traveling Companions

 

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Anger… Fear… Courage… Honesty… Transparency… & Forgiveness

These six entities, as I refer to them, will be your life long companions on your journey to emotional authenticity. In any abusive memory you are re-membering, their function and task is interchangeable in availing in your emotional liberation. Other entities waiting in their quiver, no lesser, will ecstatically come forth to replace the masks (behaviors) you were made to wear to survive the emotional abuse.

cryingsinging Gently, yet trepidatiously, you and these six entities will have a love/hate relationship as they unravel, reveal, and separate the authentic parts of your soul (mind, body, emotions) from your abuser’s reality that was forced upon you. True, it was unfair, hurtful, abominable, and all the other adjectives you can find of what they did to you.  I wholeheartedly agree with you!!! They were dead wrong! But at some point you must make a decision that knowing your authentic behavior, living your reality, and not your abuser’s is worth more than blaming, unforgiveness, and being a part of the living dead. Zombies are so overrated :-(.

Always you will need Courage when you take the plunge to understand why those closest to you abused you. The more you analyze their behavior, and sad to say, the more you will see where their traits have infiltrated your psyche in how you operate and behave in treating those in your circle as well.  Truth will pinch and some days kick you square in the gut. It gets bloody in the fight to let go of the hurt, the abuser, and the past. But if you are Honest with yourself, and look at how your abuser’s behavior is a part of your present reality, and accept the TruthTransparency will remove Blame and usher in Compassion.  And not soon afterwards, and when you request her, Forgiveness strolls in clearing your soul of all anger, hurts, haunts, and blame.

wrestlingIn this blog/vlog, if you are ready for the WWF (World Wide Fight) of your soul, then this is for you. I intimately know the wrestle for my path but everyone’s is different. I’m just here to guide you and be an ear to listen.  I can’t promise that it will be speedy, pretty, or a clean fight.  Old habits and beliefs die hard but if you are willing to go the tow then I’m there with you when I need to be. And remember go easy on yourself. The goal is self-love in all places of you who presently are and are be-coming.

Oh, don’t think I’m “Miss Got-It-All-Together,” no, I’m still learning about who I am, but I am well-equipped to get you in the fight, as I am continuing on my path.  The myth, that has spread this as truth, is that we who guide have it all together, and that is just not true.  Daily, if life coaches and others in the field, who are helping people transform belief systems into more excellent ways, are integral beings, they will admit we all are walking a path to wholeness.  And that can only be defined by you and your Creator.

I’m just another vessel that has been given the green light by the Divine and am so honored to take you back to your “playground” as I call it. Your “no limits,” “safe place,” or your “you can do anything and be anything place.”

junglegym

If you’re ready to go back to re-member, recognize your abuser’s behavior from your authentic behavior, remove those false behaviors (mask), and restore your soul then by all means sign up to your right my left. And truly none of your information will be given or sold to a third-party. Discretion, confidentiality, and privacy are of the utmost importance.

January 4th, LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE! I will post a new blog and every other Saturday I will do a vlog answering your questions. Once a month we will have a Google Hangout introducing you to other fellow guides that will assist you on your emotional authenticity journey as well!!! And again, thank you for signing up! Don’t forget to send me your questions and truly have a peaceful holiday and a transformational New Year!

Oh, I almost forgot the good stuff! I will have a FREEBIE for you on that day as well!

TIP: You’ll need the book to understand the FREEBIElana_web_book_cover

Namaste