Healthy is the New S.E.X.Y.

journeyconnectBefore I begin, this blog it is not to put down anyone’s weight loss program or dietary regimen. This blog is not solely about physical weight or diet. It’s about focusing our attention and listening to what “health” and being emotionally and mentally healthy has to sound out. This is a movement to bring “Healthy” back to center stage.

Today, more than ever in our present climate, we necessitate taking charge of our inner house – thoughts and emotions. With social media feeds swiftly reporting the political and social contentions it’s easy to get overwhelmed, discouraged, and pressed down. Hearing and reading these feeds excessively will breed presupposed fears and behaviors that lead to desperate actions. This induces the physical body and brain to work in a ceaseless state of injury. Runaway thoughts will torment your mind while your emotions are roller coasting all over the place.  These extreme changes will manifest in illness and dis-ease.

focus2My mission in this hour is to pay attention and centering on being healthy emotionally and mentally. We totally need a safe space to vent our concerns and promote one another. Whether you’re single, married, have children or not, employed, unemployed, or self-employed we all call for encouragement. Communication is more than just language. It’s listening, viewing, really hearing and reading between the lines what someone is saying or not saying.

I am asking that you look and listen to your family, those in your work environment, friends, significant others and really pay attention to them.  Write, text, or email them a note to encourage and brighten their day.  I started this at my place of employment with some of the ladies that I work with. It has really got off and is positively affecting their day.

boygirltagI enjoy games. Recall the game “IT”? Where you hit someone while running and yell “You’re it!” Well, I took the premise of this childhood game and updated it to fit our current way of communication and connecting. I.T. is an acronym for “Infinite’s Tiara” which means you’re “God’s Crown” and S.E.X.Y means “Souls. E.volving. X.periencing. Y.ou.” Your soul is ever-changing to higher states of living, thinking, and being.

All you have to do is send someone an encouraging word by text, email, or a handwritten note. It doesn’t matter if they are passing through a trying moment or in a good head space right now. To recognize that somebody is paying attention to you just feels good. Kind words can be stored up in your psyche for those days when you’re not in a secure place.

Here is an example, “Your I.T., the Infinite’s Tiara: I know you have a lot on your plate right now. With a sick parent, planning a wedding, and more job duties, wearing these many hats is tremendous pressure on you.  When all you really want is to just be you and left alone for a few minutes to breathe.  This weekend, take some time and steal away to a tranquil spot.  Even if you have to drive I-285 and scream to release the weight of your responsibilities off  and out of your body- do so.  Your mind, body and soul will thank you and bring you a gift – a new perspective.” #HealthyistheNewSEXY. Remember to place a hashtag before Healthy is the New S.E.XY. So it will be written #HealthyistheNewSEXY.  This is the tag line of the movement.

woman with diaryI have so much on my plate that I am reducing my blog to bi-monthly. The next blog is April 5th. In the meantime #hashtag people in your life an encouraging word and let their endorphins bring a smile to their soul. Lastly, enjoy a man and a song that can make anyone feel good – Sylvester and 2 Tons of Fun!

You’re I.T. The Infinite’s Tiara: Go out and dance those blues away! #HealthyistheNewSEXY

Namaste’

“You cannot die unless you connect with someone.” God-Eater

Unleash

Unleash

Unleash

 

According to Dictionary.com unleash means, “to release from or as if from a leash; set loose to pursue or run at will; to abandon control of.”

As of late I’m noticing it more in realms of healing, health, energy, movement, growth, spirituality, and technology.  These headings are interchangeable and can be subheadings under each subject.  But unleash is the common denominator that each share and is applied to a motion.

blackwomandesk

Recently I was hired for a new assignment with a major corporation. Admittedly I was excited after a twelve-year lesson that tore down a shoddy foundation. And yes, I am still being built, “over, again, another.” Daily I’m unleashing energies that I inherited from wounded souls and some I accepted as my own. And those traits I don’t necessarily care for that will possibly remain I am learning to walk with. Hate it. But the entity Peace is the goal for my soul. That is the energy I choose to abide in and with.

I know you’re probably wondering what does this have to do with my new assignment. Well, I’m in an environment that literally has systems in place that care about their employees, emotional, physical, social, relational, and educational well-being. I’ve walked into what I knew from being in the opposite, a place of what a business culture should be built upon.

Have you ever waited for the other foot to drop? That’s how I feel sometimes but each time I walk through the door I’m greeted with a hearty ‘Good Morning’ and a smile from ninety-nine percent of the employees including upper management. Wow! I sat in Orientation thinking asinine questions like:

1. Do I deserve this?

2. Can I really perform in this position?

3. Can I handle all this information?

4. Is this the place I’m supposed to be?

5. Can I bring value to this position?

6. Will I be promotable in six months?

I mean I’m sitting there and all of these questions and more are running through my head. I’ve had to tell myself daily that they wouldn’t have hired me if they thought I couldn’t do the job. So come on girl, let’s do the job. You would think the last twelve years I had time to release negative beliefs.  But it seems a portion of them have been hiding and waiting for this golden moment to rear their ugly heads. AGH!

blackwomandesert

Then again, maybe it was divinely appointed for them to rear their heads. I needed to see them, identify, thank and release them, and tell them their services are no longer needed. The last twelve years of being in the wilderness came with a mindset of social and relational skills to survive in isolation.  Connecting with people again, and not just in a corporate environment is overwhelming at times. I’m taking it slow and making sure that I breathe. That’s very important. Breathe. Unleash. Breathe. Unleash.

“I’m worthy. Breathe. Unleash.

I deserve to be here. Breathe. Unleash.

Go your speed. Breathe. Unleash.

This place is not your past. Breathe. Unleash.

You’re in a new place. Breathe. Unleash.

Smile. Breathe. Unleash.

Good Morning. Breathe. Unleash.

blackwomanproud

 

 

 

 

 

 

At times, we have to travel in our illustrious past to see the courageous women who paved the way for us to be in settings we only dreamed of. My sister friend and blogger Couture Purpose does an eloquent job of paying homage to women who sometimes go unsung but their deeds live on. Check out her blog where “Couture Purpose is ‘designed to make statements.’

Now that we are springing forward know that you are moving in new places, spaces, and atmospheres! It’s because you’ve paid the cost and deserve to be there. Now go further!

Please sit back and enjoy my theme song for 2016 by Rachel Platten, “The Fight Song.”

Until next time “sweet sleep, and angels keep!”

Mini or Me?

Mini or Me?

MiniorMe-

I’m sure you’ve seen the Austin Power movies with Dr. Evil and his sidekick Mini-Me who mimics him. Watching a marathon of these movies, I can’t remember which one, Dr. Evil’s biological son returns home and Mini-Me gets jealous. In his mind, he’s been the faithful son for a long time and now he’s being replaced. He desperately tries to regain his position with Dr. Evil but he rejects Mini-Me’s attempts at mimicking him. What once made Dr. Evil so happy is now a turn off to him since his biological son has returned.

fatherdaughterskyI thought of how children try their hardest to impress their parents especially first born children. Parenting does not come with a rule book, or a set of instructions to teach you how to raise a child. So what do most parents do? They raise their child like how they were raised. Teaching them the same way as they were taught but not giving a thought at times that not everything they learned was necessarily all good. Parents pass down character traits, beliefs, mannerisms, opinions, ideologies, likes, dislikes, and even colloquial terms that first born children pick up quickly.

motherdaughtercookingMy last blog talked about uncreating verbal contracts that we make on a daily basis consciously or subconsciously with words. Before I go any further let me be very clear again not everything taught by parents were in error or removed you away from your authentic self. For instance, my mother’s love of reading, writing, and the English language is my love too. That’s a good thing. But her fear of people and evading conflict was not a good thing and I picked that up as well. You see where I’m going with this. Her books became her escapism to not face harsh realities. And as much as I saw that and disliked it I too did the same thing. It’s not easy tearing away the parts of you that were consummated from a parent. Your emotions are torn in half because you are divorcing yourself from their wounded soul to reclaim your true identity, emotions, thoughts, and voice. It feels like a betrayal. You’ve been a mini-me image living in their world for so long that now that you want to reclaim your authentic self but it feels like abandonment. And to be honest with you, you are abandoning certain traits that were never you in the first place. It’s okay.

motherdaughtersittingThis is an identity contract that you must uncreate. Children no matter the birth order are born with their own unique personality. It’s not fair to their psyche or the Creator to repress their thoughts, emotions, and voice. Yes, they will have features, and partial mannerisms but they will have an opinion and a voice. Let them. Actually, Dr. Evil did Mini-Me a huge favor by rejecting him. I know it didn’t feel right at the moment. Dr. Evil, without thought, sliced Mini-Me away from him but in the end, Mini-Me discovered he was his own person and didn’t need Dr. Evil.

As harsh at it may be seizing your soul back from another soul is the best thing you can do for yourself. Discovering your thoughts, beliefs, mannerism, and voice is an exciting adventure that is priceless. Think about it two souls housed in one soul are multiple souls or personalities vying for top position. Eventually, one will reign supreme and you are forced to make the decision as to which one it will be.

We’re moving into February but by year’s end don’t you want to know the person in the mirror staring back? Take some time before the next blog and write down:

  • Several things that you learned from a parent or one in authority over you as a child that you no longer serves you.
  • Uncreate the contract with that character trait, word, belief, mannerism, opinion, ideology, and replace it with what YOU want.
  • Go back to the last blog and repeat the words to uncreate the contract with what you’ve written above or write your own. Empower yourself utilizing your own words.
  • Start your discovery journal of what you really think, believe, and say it aloud to hear your voice. It’s something about hearing the sound of your voice in your ears that makes this exercise real in reclaiming your soul.

God made you in His image. If you look around not one person looks like the other except identical twins and even they have differences. It’s time for your image to be known in the earth, your thoughts to be written, and voiced in the earth. It’s time for you to be present and accounted for, not mini-me, just me.

 I Am

Until next time remember that you are not alone and “Sweet sleep and angels keep!”

Want to know the 6 elements all children and adults needs then click the image and purchase: lana_web_book_cover

THANK YOU!

Listen to one of my favorite spoken word artists: Janette…ikz “I AM”

All images other than specified are: Getty Images (Royalty-Free)

My Halloween Story

upside down

For the last fifteen years my life has been turned upside down financially, spiritually, socially, physically, combined with the transitioning of family members. I’ve cried, screamed, distanced myself, smiled, attached, forgave, and acquired new belief systems, while old ones weren’t going without a fight. To be more specific, financially, I have been in a place of learning that money is a tool to be utilized to give, build up, be a blessing, to restore dreams and prolong life. I’ve had the entity called Pride knocked outta of me to ask for help, learned how to separate my wants from my needs, and God can do more with less. But the greatest lesson was to learn that God is the supplier of all my needs, wants and desires. Places of employment are the means of earning a paycheck, meeting new people, and learning new skills but again it is not my supplier. Even though I’ve learned this lesson the Universe never stopped downloading dreams and goals that I strongly wanted to perform in the earth. A major part of my personality is that I’m goal oriented. I eagerly worked on those dreams and goals which started off wonderfully but ended up either fizzling out or floating on a buoy.

 I’ve lived a certain way and with that comes a mindset due to circumstances of “well, I guess it’s going to be this way.”  The promises made from the Universe still remained dreams and not manifestations. And it didn’t matter how many people known and unknown were sent my way to keep the dreams alive the disappointments of them not coming into fruition produced a hope deferred. Whether I consciously said it aloud or as a subconscious decision it was made nonetheless.

AB11876This year came in with a different aura. The entity “Hope” was spreading her message all through the land from secular to sacred and both were speaking the same language. I was listening. I heard her cry in the streets and opened my window to let her voice ring in my house. I was happy, excited, and elated until I saw in the third quarter that those promises, dreams, and goals made to me were popping out of my journals, in dreams, and people’s voice to make way for them to manifest. I really believed I was ready! Even though I had been waiting for a very long time I just knew I was ready but my past was right there too. It brought along with it my disappointments, mistrust, deferred hope, rejected attempts, and used to “the way” I had been living which was barely enough to make it by the skin of my teeth. A few insecurities, bad judgements, and misperceptions were thrown in the mix too from having passed this way before in religious settings where I experienced “religious abuse.” To put it succinctly I was scared shitless. Fear ten Hope three but Hope had a plan in the hole.

heart broken womanHope and I have been riding together for a long time. We were down like ‘four flat tires and a spare,’ but I was scared and my heart remembered too much. But she was not giving up that easy. This Halloween was different for me. I don’t celebrate it but damn if the witches, ghouls, ghost, and nightmares didn’t join my past to scare me from making a choice. I woke up from a dream that was not pretty but I knew it was from God. I researched the places, colors, light, dark, objects, etc., and I kinda’ knew what it was speaking but I asked God to reveal what He was really saying to me. I sat my tablet down.

I am taking a webinar course on Influence Training and it is spiritual but not religious. It was a panel of people praying for men and women fifty and over to go the length and “do” their dreams. I was watching the chat bar line being filled with request for prayer for sicknesses, finances, etc. I added my request to the plethora of wants/needs to the chat line.

Transparency: I asked prayer for the entity of ‘Rejection’ and ‘Inferiority’ to be removed.

amazed womanThe chat bar was moving like lightning and even though it was at least four people on the panel watching it and praying for various people I ‘hoped’ someone would see my request. Certain words were being spoken to various people and I was sincerely happy for them to be receiving words of encouragement and kindness. And yes, some of those words rang for me as well and I received them, but it was not until one man who I thought left the webinar came back onto the panel. He said (not verbatim but close to it), “there are people on here who have lived a certain lifestyle for a very long time and are afraid that their promises won’t happen. You’ve been rejected by people and attempts to do better but you decided whether you knew it or not that life wasn’t going to get any better than this.” My mouth hit the floor. He also said, “In a way you’ve gotten use to lack and not having, thinking that well, it’s probably going to be this way, but God says emphatically, No! The promises I’ve made to you are coming to pass. Trust me. Believe one more time and watch me make them come to pass.” As I sat on my wooden bench in front of my laptop I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. God not only answered my request but the dream He gave me that early morning was explained in the word He gave the guy. In that instance I chose to believe Him one more time. It reminded me of a moment I had on New Year’s Eve back in nineteen ninety-four when I made a lifestyle change. The heaviness and dread lifted and I know this is my time. I made a conscious decision to leave my past, beliefs, and the feelings of that era behind. Now I’m not naïve to know that I will have to work my dreams out but I’m collaborating with some wonderful people who mean business. They desire to leave a legacy for our children and another kingdom built on and in Love.

Yeah, my Halloween was spooky but Hope, God, and my conscious decision scared the boogeymen away. And on top of that I had an extra hour to sleep and be restored down to the cellular level. November 1st came in with a refreshing.

If I’m speaking to anyone who has been abused religiously or even in relationships with people of authority and the entities ‘Fear, Rejection, Abandonment, and Verbal Abuse’ are trying to keep you in your past – RUN!  I know the emotions from yesteryear will try and convince you that it won’t be any better but it will be better this time. No, I didn’t say it will be rainbows and lollipops but trust the God of your creation to make it better. Yeah, I know, I trusted Him lotsa times too and nothing came of it but today you know what I discovered? I wasn’t ready for those dreams back then. He was just showing them to me because He wanted me to get my feet wet, reveal to me my pattern of leadership, and to know that my original desires to have a business He honored then and honors now. But we can’t do it alone. I know that’s scary, believe me, I know. But He will send people to assist you so trust and listen to your instincts, guts, and that nagging you feel…lol! Ask for Lady Wisdom and she will show up and give you the words to speak and ears to listen. These new people may have some traits of those that abused you before but take a breath, get still, and ask for your angels to surround you along with Peace. These are not those people. It will work out for you. I believe that for you and for me. I’m not suggesting anything to you that I’m not practicing myself. Like I’ve been saying to you in all my post, “You are not alone.” Let’s walk this place called Life together. Your past won’t let go so easy but you have the power of choice to let go of it.

woman with diary

Namaste’

Now listen to the lyrics of one of my favorite songs from the 80s by McFadden & Whitehead “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now.” That’s my theme song as I dance down the Soul Train of Life! Join me Phamily!

Until next time know that you are not alone, sweet sleep, angels keep!

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

What Are You Accommodating?

familypixHi Phamily! I truly hope all is well in you and with you! Today I’m going to jump right in and ask you a question.

WHAT ARE YOU ACCOMMODATING?

You are probably asking, “What is she talking about? Accommodating what?”

Well, last week I was looking at one of the most inspiring Life Coaches on the planet Iyanla Vanzant’s, “Fix My Life,” television show. She told a client that she was accommodating her dis-ease in which the manifestation was “obesity.” To give you a brief synopsis of the situation the client’s mother died several years ago and as a result parts of her laid down in the coffin with her too. Before that traumatic moment she was the life of the party. Inviting people over for barbecues or celebrations of b’earthday’s was her way of participating with her friend’s in life. She and her mom were extremely close. They were like sisters and the best of friends. You didn’t see one without the other at any time according to friends and family. The absence of her mother created a void in her life that no one or anything could replace. Keep reading what that void created.

emotional eating

One, physically, the manifestation as I mentioned before was “obesity.” She gained a mass of weight [600 lbs.] (EMOTIONAL EATING). Two, she slipped and fell going to the bathroom in her home. The fire department had to come, lift her up, and put her back in the bed. She was so embarrassed that she consciously decided to not leave the house (SHAME, GUILT, HURT, PAIN, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANGER, RAGE, EMBARRASSMENT). This resulted in a breach of not only being with friends but “making” her teenage child become her caretaker. She washed her mom, cleaned her mother’s personal needs in the bed (she couldn’t get up anymore to go to the bathroom), and brought her foods that were not healthy. Watching her mother’s decline physically, mentally, and emotionally seized this young lady’s teenage years, reversed the view of the roles in their relationship,  and abandonment of a mother in her life (ABANDONMENT OF SELF CARE, CHILD, & SELFISH). To accommodate her lifestyle all of her medications, toiletries, sterilized bed pads were placed within arm’s reach. Basically anything that she needed to accommodate her conscious based lifestyle was placed in the boundary of her arm span.

The word “accommodate” reverbrated over and over inside my stomach. I felt the ping or the energy of that word move in me and didn’t stop until it reached cellular level. I asked myself several questions:

questionicon

  1. What familiar generational, cultural, or unserving religious belief system was I accommodating inside my temple, my soul, my mind?
  2. What emotional habit was I consciously or subconsciously making that was keeping me in an emotional, physical, mental, or economic rut?

Let’s go deeper shall we.

I even had to look at the time of the year I was making a major change in my life.

  1. Is it the same time of year every year and why the same time?
  2. What is significant about that time of the year?
  3. If I make this same goal at the same time of the year why am I sabotaging this goal?
  4. What am I afraid of? Why do I believe I’m not worthy of fulfilling my goal?
  5. What is on the other side of completing my goal that I think I can’t handle?

These are the questions that we all have to answer before we conquer our goals. This is a part of “The Four R’s on Your Journey,” specifically Recognize and once truthfully answered Restore will greet you with the emotions, behaviors, ways, and means designed for you to utilize to complete your goals. Spiritually you will be given the innate strength, mental fortitude, and the entity Desire will fill your very soul (mind, emotions, body) to want to complete your goals.

angels

You are not alone family. You have a legion of angels surrounding you to enforce and reinforce your new beliefs. It takes repetition for a belief to become a system and these angels are here to assist you. These angels are visible and invisible. Surround yourself with people that only have your good in mind. They Desire with you to see your goals accomplished. These people will have a “NO” in their mouths when it is needed but it will always be accompanied in the heart of LOVE! You will hear instructions and encouragement spoken to you first by your Creator and then reaffirmed by your earthly angels. By this I mean when I hear through the means of what my soul gravitates to (a book, movie, marquee sign, etc.) a friend in casual conversation will say something to reinforce or offer more of an explanation of what I’ve heard. Your Creator wants you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that He hears your concerns, you matter, and you are on the right track.

This is my belief and you don’t have to believe in what I’m about to say but I believe in the unseen help and we do entertain angels unaware. I’ve had people to help me and I’ve never seen again. I believe in a force that is unearthly strong and they are working on your behalf when your strength wanes. I believe that any horrendous situation you’ve encountered could have been worse than that just because those angels held back what really wanted to kill you emotionally, mentally, socially, spiritually, and physically. If you believe this then you have to ask yourself, “Who am I really to the Creator and what am I to do in the Earth that Evil wants to take me out?”

This question as you progress on your journey will be answered along the way. You will see yourself differently as the twin entities Recognize and Restore usher you into your new creation of authenticity as the sleeping giant in you is awakened and revealed.

Keep seeking, believing, and taking the necessary risk to reveal more of your emotional, physical, mental, social, spiritual, and economical authentic self.

YOU ARE WORTH IT!

Namaste’,

Lana

I’ve posted the 2nd part of the “Remember My Story,” video! Hear how she accommodated the ‘Rejection,’ and ‘Abandonment,’ of her parental mother and little brother. And again, get out the tissue but really listen with the entity ‘Pay Attention’ to see the patterns of her emotions and behavior when trigger words or uncontrolled situations pushed her buttons. See if you can relate to her story. I know I did. 

Until next time know that you are not alone, sweet sleep, angels keep!

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

“What emotional legacy do you want to leave your child? Mine was Rejection. What’s yours?”lana_web_book_cover

 

Your Story – Stumbling Block to Building Block

heartyfruitHey Phamily! I truly hope all is well in your world and your journey has been productive. Since we’ve last talked I’ve been receiving some wonderful comments from people who have enjoyed reading my thoughts and journey and I just want to take the time to say THANK YOU!!! I really don’t take for granted when you leave a comment and say words of encouragement and kindness to let me know that my journey and what I’ve learned and still learning is helping you! That is a blessing to my soul. Again, THANK YOU!  Keep commenting and I’ll keep responding.

Well, these last couple of weeks so much has been happening in my world that I want to share just a bit with you. And by the way this is a part of RECOGNIZE AND REMOVE, the number’s two and three of The Four R’s on Your Journey. Yes, we are still here because these twins work together to align whatever part of your  life that is being recognized, removed and in the process of being healed to restore you authentically in those areas! I must admit I’ve been having a heaven/hell (just depends on what the issue is) of a time in revisiting areas of my life that I thought were complete, finished, dismissed, GONE! But…there is always a but. I found out that there is some residue that needed to be cauterized. YES, cauterized. Remember, I shared with you in my blog “Words Followed By Signs” that I didn’t like confrontation, and I had to confront the motherlode of all bully’s head on. Well, since then I’ve been confronting other people as well, not as intense as the first one, but nevertheless, it is becoming easier to do so. The fretful words are coming out of my mouth but with the motive and intent of my heart to heal both parties involved. A double edged sword (words) is used to cut both ways. One side is to destroy that which wants to kill you (not the person just their negative energy) and the other side is to heal that inside you that no longer serves you. In essence, I voice my concerns to the person and inwardly (in my soul) fear, rejection is being replaced with courage, power, love, and a sound mind. I no longer want a “soul” connection with the other person’s pain. I want my wound to be cauterized so their wound will no longer connect with what was once in me as well. Let your wounds be cauterized. It’s been amazing to see this process but I must admit it can be agonizing at times.

cauterize

meditatingWhat helps is prayer, meditation, and mantras. I speak in the affirmative. I say, “I choose not to catch anyone’s negative  energy this day,” or, “I am worthy!” To say these mantra’s and scriptures in the ‘Now’, tells your subconscious mind that what you are saying is active at that very moment. You are creating your experience in the present moment. Place your scriptures or mantras where you will see them daily. I see mine every morning  on my vision wall in front of my bed when I wake up. Your scriptures and mantras will build a fortress around your  mind, body, and emotions. The more you say them you are reinforcing them, empowering them, to protect you from other people who may not be aware they are carrying negative energy. But you are protecting yourself with an armor that helps you to stand against verbal blows and possibly removing you from physical harm. Words have energy by their definition and carry the intent or motive of the human thereby releasing them through their breath. Speak your positive words to keep you strengthened, your vibration high, and fortified in your soul. Self-love is priceless phamily.

prayer

My prayers are sometimes two words. THANK YOU! Prayer is a conversation with your Divine and Infinite Intelligence. Actually I find myself praying arbitrarily throughout my day. It’s just a conversation in either me expressing gratitude, worship, asking for protection, or help with something that concerns me or someone else. Some people do have set times and that is fine, others do it throughout their day, or, a mixture of both. It’s whatever you gravitate to. Don’t make it rigid. Be flexible and loving in prayer with your Divine.

buildingblocksI say all of this to really make one point. Your story can either be your stumbling block or building block. When a child plays with blocks they either stack them up or beside each other. They will fall and the child may cry but will eventually pick them back up to start building again. Our stories are similar to those blocks. Think about how your life has gone from one block to the next and just when you think you’ve completed an area in your life and it’s dealt with, the blocks fall. At that moment you want to chuck it and just give up but something, and I like to think, the entity Hope comes in and gently nudges you and says, “No, build again but do it differently this time.” You see some blocks you may not need anymore to complete an area of your life. You had to many blocks the first time but this time you may only need just a few. Don’t allow a few times in an area of your life that the blocks have fallen stop you from trying again. You really are so close to a wound being healed fully, yes, cauterized and your authenticity restored.  Seriously, you are very close…I believe with you!

blocksfalling

And now I invite you to watch a story titled, ReMoved! Get the tissue out but please sit with the entity Pay Attention to her story. Look and listen to the building blocks of her life. Until next time you’re in my thoughts and prayers!

ASSIGNMENT: Fortify your soul with positive scriptures, mantras, and prayers. The more you say them watch when someone says something negative how it bounces off of you. The entity PAY ATTENTION will alert you to how you don’t feel as if someone has kicked you in the stomach. Let me know if this helps you!

Travel safely, sweet sleep, angels keep, and know that you are not alone!

NAMASTE

NEXT TIME: ANGELS

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

“What emotional legacy do you want to leave your child? Mine was Rejection. What’s yours?”

 

Your Story – Stumbling Block to Building Block

heartyfruitHey Phamily! I truly hope all is well in your world and your journey has been productive. Since we’ve last talked I’ve been receiving some wonderful comments from people who have enjoyed reading my thoughts and journey and I just want to take the time to say THANK YOU!!! I really don’t take for granted when you leave a comment and say words of encouragement and kindness to let me know that my journey and what I’ve learned and still learning is helping you! That is a blessing to my soul. Again, THANK YOU!  Keep commenting and I’ll keep responding.

Well, these last couple of weeks so much has been happening in my world that I want to share just a bit with you. And by the way this is a part of RECOGNIZE AND REMOVE, the number’s two and three of The Four R’s on Your Journey. Yes, we are still here because these twins work together to align whatever part of your  life that is being recognized, removed and in the process of being healed to restore you authentically in those areas! I must admit I’ve been having a heaven/hell (just depends on what the issue is) of a time in revisiting areas of my life that I thought were complete, finished, dismissed, GONE! But…there is always a but. I found out that there is some residue that needed to be cauterized. YES, cauterized. Remember, I shared with you in my blog “Words Followed By Signs” that I didn’t like confrontation, and I had to confront the motherlode of all bully’s head on. Well, since then I’ve been confronting other people as well, not as intense as the first one, but nevertheless, it is becoming easier to do so. The fretful words are coming out of my mouth but with the motive and intent of my heart to heal both parties involved. A double edged sword (words) is used to cut both ways. One side is to destroy that which wants to kill you (not the person just their negative energy) and the other side is to heal that inside you that no longer serves you. In essence, I voice my concerns to the person and inwardly (in my soul) fear, rejection is being replaced with courage, power, love, and a sound mind. I no longer want a “soul” connection with the other person’s pain. I want my wound to be cauterized so their wound will no longer connect with what was once in me as well. Let your wounds be cauterized. It’s been amazing to see this process but I must admit it can be agonizing at times.

cauterize

meditatingWhat helps is prayer, meditation, and mantras. I speak in the affirmative. I say, “I choose not to catch anyone’s negative  energy this day,” or, “I am worthy!” To say these mantra’s and scriptures in the ‘Now’, tells your subconscious mind that what you are saying is active at that very moment. You are creating your experience in the present moment. Place your scriptures or mantras where you will see them daily. I see mine every morning  on my vision wall in front of my bed when I wake up. Your scriptures and mantras will build a fortress around your  mind, body, and emotions. The more you say them you are reinforcing them, empowering them, to protect you from other people who may not be aware they are carrying negative energy. But you are protecting yourself with an armor that helps you to stand against verbal blows and possibly removing you from physical harm. Words have energy by their definition and carry the intent or motive of the human thereby releasing them through their breath. Speak your positive words to keep you strengthened, your vibration high, and fortified in your soul. Self-love is priceless phamily.

prayer

My prayers are sometimes two words. THANK YOU! Prayer is a conversation with your Divine and Infinite Intelligence. Actually I find myself praying arbitrarily throughout my day. It’s just a conversation in either me expressing gratitude, worship, asking for protection, or help with something that concerns me or someone else. Some people do have set times and that is fine, others do it throughout their day, or, a mixture of both. It’s whatever you gravitate to. Don’t make it rigid. Be flexible and loving in prayer with your Divine.

buildingblocksI say all of this to really make one point. Your story can either be your stumbling block or building block. When a child plays with blocks they either stack them up or beside each other. They will fall and the child may cry but will eventually pick them back up to start building again. Our stories are similar to those blocks. Think about how your life has gone from one block to the next and just when you think you’ve completed an area in your life and it’s dealt with, the blocks fall. At that moment you want to chuck it and just give up but something, and I like to think, the entity Hope comes in and gently nudges you and says, “No, build again but do it differently this time.” You see some blocks you may not need anymore to complete an area of your life. You had to many blocks the first time but this time you may only need just a few. Don’t allow a few times in an area of your life that the blocks have fallen stop you from trying again. You really are so close to a wound being healed fully, yes, cauterized and your authenticity restored.  Seriously, you are very close…I believe with you!

blocksfalling

And now I invite you to watch a story titled, ReMoved! Get the tissue out but please sit with the entity Pay Attention to her story. Look and listen to the building blocks of her life. Until next time you’re in my thoughts and prayers!

ASSIGNMENT: Fortify your soul with positive scriptures, mantras, and prayers. The more you say them watch when someone says something negative how it bounces off of you. The entity PAY ATTENTION will alert you to how you don’t feel as if someone has kicked you in the stomach. Let me know if this helps you!

Travel safely, sweet sleep, angels keep, and know that you are not alone!

NAMASTE

NEXT TIME: ANGELS

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

“What emotional legacy do you want to leave your child? Mine was Rejection. What’s yours?”

 

How Do We Stop…

familylineage2Hey Phamily! I truly hope all is well with you and your journey in restoring your authentic self. It’s not just a destination but it’s the journey that reveals those parts of your emotional, mental, social, vocal, physical, and spiritual self that have been scattered to the nether parts of your soul. And believe me it is possible to be restored your authenticity in the aforementioned areas. Don’t worry about the time or the how because if you passionately, strongly and any other adjective that you use Desire to be Restored it will happen. I didn’t think it was possible because of my age but that excuse had to be thrown out asap. Why? Because your Desire, magnified to the nth degree, will far outweigh the number of your years on earth and the Divine will restore those lost years with what you missed plus more as a gift to you.

I see you giving me the side-eye…lol!  side eye

That’s okay. I gave the side-eye to the person that told me this too, especially when they were younger than me. But it’s true, I promise you it is. Your childhood adversity can be laid to rest. You just have to Desire it strongly enough and Believe that the Divine can do it. What helps is that you change your Perception of your life’s course. This will in turn change your Trajectory of your path to Restoration. And by the way this is still a part of “The Four R’s on Your Journey,” Recognize. How have you viewed your life’s course up until this point? I know I viewed mine from the entity of Rejection’s perception. From my career choices, to friendships, to financial decisions, and social gatherings, I walked in knowing that I wouldn’t qualify for the higher paying positions, or, I feared in managing my monies. In friendships I knew they would eventually go sour and I would be the dysfunctional cause, and no man that I really liked would like me back. I think you get the picture. Rejection was my perception and my trajectory lined up with what I believed due to how it had been from a little girl. The pattern, I thought, was set and my life spelled out but something happened.

I began to meet people, read books, listen to songs, hear life coaches (remember these are the ways in which my soul authentically gravitates toward) speak another language on positive self-esteem, critical self-talk, anger, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, etc., and you know what I listened. The more they talked the more I listened and desired to be restored. Being healed far outweighed my pain and I wanted to do whatever it took to think with my thoughts, feel with my feelings, and speak unashamedly without seeing a hand hit me in my mouth in my mind’s eye.

prayingwoman1I prayed to God everyday and moment to help me be healed and more importantly open my eyes to see how He wanted me to assist. You know what I kept hearing? Believe. At first it pissed me off because I was like, is that all? It’s got to be more than that. But each time I asked the question my answer was the same. So, I asked Him to help me. I asked Him to open my eyes to see what He saw in me when He created me. I asked Him to make me Aware of my feelings, voice, and thoughts. I wanted to know me inside out. I asked for the entity of Paying Attention so I would know and could write down my thoughts, and know what my feelings felt like and I could hear how my voice really sounded in my ears. I was subconsciously waking up daily and quickly I might add to see this person that I thought I lost at the age of ten. And quite frankly I’m still getting to know me. It comes in stages. There were parts of me that were deeply imbedded in my soul that I didn’t want God to touch. The pain was to great and I wanted to hang on to my anger. I felt that I was justified in my anger and why not? They did it to me. You know who your they are. But it got to a point where I Recognized and was Aware that carrying those they’s were emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically weighing me down and affecting my health. My back hurt more than ever and I was being Tormented by past scenes, situations, and words almost minutely. I cried out to God to remove them from me. I believed He could remove them but I did have a part to play, and phamily, this is not easy but it is necessary. forgive3

Forgiveness as I’d learned was not the definition I grew into. It doesn’t mean you forget what happened to you but it does mean that the anger, rage, murder, blame, hurt, pain, unforgiveness, hate, of your abusers is seen from only, and I do mean only a Divine’s perspective and the intensity of your emotions in that traumatic moment is gone. Now, if there is another way then by all means let me know, but this the way I learned to forgive. The Divine, utilizing what I normally gravitated to books (fiction and non-fiction), positive speakers, dreams, visions, the supernatural if you will, showed me why my abusers behaved the way they did. He did not justify their actions toward me but He explained their behavior to me.

He explained it to me in several ways. The first way was He showed me in conversations I had with someone close to them who knew them as a child. They were eye witnesses to the ill actions that were heaped upon them by a parent or someone they knew in authority. Ten times out of ten your abuser was abused. But I must admit I asked the Divine, “If they were treated the same way then why treat me the exact same way?” The next way was the clincher. I was shown how I exhibited the same behavior only in a different mode. Let me explain. Pride. Yeah, let me talk about the big dogg I’ve had to wrestle with. You would think after all I’d been through that the entity Pride would be the last challenge I’d have but it was the first one and a big one. I was prideful in sneaky ways like if someone didn’t know something and I did I inwardly viewed them as dumb, or I know more than them. I’m going to shame the devil today by being transparent. My God knows all about it because I stand before Him naked and unashamed so…I will leave that there…lol!  Also, I thought that I knew the best way to manage your life when my life was in shambles…but I could tell you what YOU needed to do. If that is not the pot calling the kettle black I don’t know what is…LOL! Yes, phamily the entity Pride is a monster and I rush to my God telling Him when it rears its head. So when I saw me as my abuser’s it was an humbling experience and forgiveness was my key to exit and leave that place of Righteous Anger of what they did to me. I too was an abuser and a Religious Bully at that. My memoir explains more about my religious upbringing. Now I don’t know if my abuser’s wanted to know why they behaved in such a manner or even realized that their behavior was abusive but I do know that God is an equal opportunity employer. I can’t answer for them but…

I forgave. Soul freed. Intense emotions from that abusive moment are gone. Forgiveness attained. Done. forgive4

When you see yourself as the abuser it puts a different spin on Forgiveness. Now I can talk about horrid past scenes without my emotions being involved. Or, as the young adults say, “I’m not caught up in my feelings.” I can see the situation from a Perception that is whole and healed and my Trajectory is changed because I’m Aware of my words, thoughts, and feelings and also how Pride can enter. Also, I do pray as led for those who abused me. Knowing what I know about them it is easier for me to assess their emotional terrain when a certain behavior comes on the scene. I do know how to protect myself as well. Just because I forgave them doesn’t mean I put myself in harm’s way. Wisdom phamily, Wisdom. 😉 And you do know that what you wrestle with will come back and try you again. It wants to see if the door is really closed and Forgivess is on guard.

Well, I have a TedTalks I want you to listen to. It’s located on the right side of your screen where normally I’d put a music video. But today I invite you to listen to Benjamin Perks and his talk on “How Do We Stop Childhood Adversity from Becoming a Life Sentence,” TEDxPodgorica. It is worth fifteen minutes to really listen to and view his film.

I promise you Forgiveness is just waiting on you to acknowledge how heavy your soul is carrying all those people, their words, behaviors, and abusive acts toward you around. Your mind, body, and emotions will thank you. Oh, one last thing. Co-workers, peers, and family are noticing how much weight I’ve lost. And I tell them, “Thank you. I’m getting those other people off and outta me.”

Till we meet again travel safely, have a sweet sleep and angels keep, and know that you are not alone.

Namaste’

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” athttps://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

“What emotional legacy do you want to leave your child? Mine was Rejection. What’s yours?” 

familylineage1familylineage

THANK YOU

Words Followed By Signs

kidfunbeachLast time phamily we identified our Playground, our safe place, and played a game of ‘Tag’. We talked about ‘The Four R’s on Your Journey.’

  • First you had to ‘Remember’ your playground, your safe place. Whether the equipment on your playground was the swings, slide, jungle gym, or a place in your present, what’s important is you established your safe ground. Then you were also asked to remember the traumatic situation(s) that has followed you from your childhood into adulthood. I’m sure those were tough memories to remember and write down. But it’s something about writing down horrid experiences. You tend to remember more than what you thought you did and that’s a good thing.
  • Did you remember the small details?  Did you have dreams or visions that possibly filled in the gaps of those traumatic moments? I hope you wrote them down. They bring gifts of healing, forgiveness, and letting go of entities that have harassed you long enough.

Fear

CASE IN POINT: In my memoir I went to our church camp with a group of peers that I didn’t necessarily want to be around, especially one. I called her ‘Birdfinger’ (explanation in the memoir). To make a long story short, it was a rule at the camp that you had to sweep around your bed and make it up before you left the dormitory. I did. I went downstairs to wait on some young girls I met weeks before at camp. Birdfinger was told by my relative, our supervisor, to come back upstairs. My neat bedclothes were now thrown aside and debris was under my bed. In a two story dormitory military lined with two hundred beds my relative screamed at me like I was the trash underneath my bed. Trying to defend myself was nil because she never believed me anyway. I just redid my bed and swept once again.  All I remembered before I started writing my memoir was how no one took up for me or protected me. When I started this chapter I sat back and through raging emotions and tears I yelled at God and asked why didn’t He send someone to protect me? That’s when He gave me a vision of a lady with an afro sitting by a window watching the entire scene. She had tears in her eyes. I cried the more I saw her looking at me with eyes of compassion and love. I realized that the lady was God. The hurt, pain, rage, anger, and blame left my body. I felt those entities lift right up off me. Now grant it I did ask why didn’t He intervene and He told me He couldn’t because it was a part of the plan for my life. And no, I didn’t like His answer but to have those entities off of me was pure heaven. This is what I mean by small details you can miss when you’re being traumatized at any age. God reveals them to heal you at the appropriate time.

summerfun

LET’S TAKE A BREAK AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING FUN:

YOUR DISCOVERY ADVENTURE

Familiar & Practical

  • Did you find out what your soul normally gravitates to? Remember mine is the written or spoken word. I love YA, like author Jaime Reed’s “Living Violet,” or the Paranormal genre, the late great author L.A. Banks The Vampire Huntress Legend Series. As of late I’ve come to know personally and love author, Alicia McCalla. Her Dystopian/YA novel, “Breaking Free,” is a fav read due to her covert inclusion of historical events in this genetic revolution. Check her out at her site and SUBSCRIBE!  You won’t be disappointed.

The other half of your assignment was what abilities have you discovered that you like? It can also be a trait. Are you adventurous? Do you want to travel and see the world? Are you a gardener? COMMENT BELOW. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!

In what creative ways did you found out what your soul naturally gravitates too? Were you reading a book? On the train, in your car, walking? Listening to a conversation, watching television, or maybe dreaming? I really like would like to know because that’s the FUN of this adventure! Finding hidden parts of your self is a beacon of hope!

Okay, let’s get back to the second ‘R’ on your journey:

RECOGNIZE

  • From those traumatic events did you recognize patterns of behaviors from your childhood that you’ve used to survive in your adulthood? Some may be excellent survival strategies but others need to be either modified or deleted.
  •  Can you identify how trauma has affected your choices in several areas of your life? The emotional abuse that you endured has kept you in a holding pattern, shock if you will, in not understanding what your normal is when u comes to making decisions. It’s not in all situations in your life but in some cases you make decisions based on survival instincts of your childhood instead of analyzation and reason in the present. You may be afraid to make a decision based on a past traumatic act that possibly insulted your abilities, demeaned your character, or slaughtered your self-worth.

I know you’ve covered a lot of traumatic emotional territory of your past and I’m sure some of it was not easy to view but it was necessary. I truly commend you for your courage my phriend. It’s not easy to revisit unpleasant places but you are and that is a heart of resiliency and courage. You are feeling the fear and doing it anyway. But let’s take a moment and sit down here and discuss the tag team of ‘Recognize’ while I introduce its twin, the third stage ‘Remove.’

REMOVE

The third stage ‘Remove’ is when you “Discover how to remove certain behaviors and words that no longer serve you in the present moment.”  These two can work together and are interchangeable depending on what traumatic memory is prevalent at the time. Some behaviors and words are easier to remove than others. And those behaviors and words are deeply imbedded in your soul, your psyche, still protecting the little girl that was emotionally damaged. They are the chasm that separates the little girl and the adult. But as an adult you are discovering that a certain behavior and/or word due to possibly fear, rejection, or rebellion has outlived its usefulness. Now it’s time to face the fear and learn a new behavior even when you may not know what to do but do it anyway.

CASE IN POINT: I’ve mentioned before I’ve never liked confrontation. It’s a bitter pill for me to swallow due to being either vehemently screamed at or smacked in the mouth. I learned to fear opening my mouth and speaking my authentic thoughts because of these repercussions. So I held everything in and only spoke what I really wanted to say in my mind. I cursed and killed my abuser a thousand times over and meant every. last. word. Yes, I did repent and eventually forgive my abusers. Lol!

Long story short in the past two weeks I’ve had to confront the two types of people I feared the most, an aggressive female bully and an alpha male. I’ve longed to overcome these fears that began in childhood and continued into my adult years. Well, it happened, and yes, I was scared but I held my ground and opened my mouth and said what I had to say without backing down. And you know what I didn’t get smacked in the mouth or verbally abused. Yes, they spoke their mind as well but we did it in an adult manner and afterwards we had a better understanding of each other. It doesn’t mean we’re bosom buddies but that’s not the point. When I say I felt lighter, happier, and the entity Torment did not have any foothold in my soul to hang on to. Wow!

I had already ‘Recognized’ that it was high time to overcome this childhood fear but each time I was given a chance to I shirked and failed the test. But this time ‘Removal’ wouldn’t allow me to back down and I didn’t want to either. There will come a time that you can’t back down. You will, and must confront whatever has held you in static shock. As a result of these moments physically my body has rested the entire night and my outlook on people has changed. I have returned to the stronghold of hope and my relationship with my Creator and self is more intimate than ever.

lanasmiling

WORDS FOLLOWED BY SIGNS:

                       PEACEFUL

                       HOPEFUL

                       INTIMACY

                       DETERMINED

                       FEARLESS

                       CONTENT

                       TRUSTING

                       ASSURED

DISCOVERY: TELL ME YOUR SIGNS!  I REALLY WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. COMMENT IN THE SECTION BELOW.

Until next time keep allowing the stages of ‘Recognize’ and ‘Remove’ do their jobs. It will be a ‘Tag’ team process and even if you don’t respond by facing your childhood fear don’t worry it will come back at a different time, same type of personality, just a different person. The quicker you face it the quicker you will find your adult truth in the situation followed by signs in your body as it is being healed.

ENJOY FREEBIES!

    To your right SIGN-UP as a SUBSCRIBER! I have a FREE GIFT awaiting you below!!! Also there will be other FREEBIES coming REAL SOON as well!

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

namefaces

WE ARE PHAMILY

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

THANK YOU

Till we meet again travel safely, have a sweet sleep and angels keep, and know that you are not alone.

Namaste’

Lana M Hooks

FREEBIE DOWNLOAD!anotherarrow

-You are worthy to be loved!-

 

LAST THING PHAMILY ENJOY MS. JILL SCOTT! HER SONGS SPEAK TO ME IN WAYS THAT ARE NOT JUST EARTHLY BUT SPIRITUAL! I HOPE YOU “FEEL” WHAT I’M SAYING. SIT BACK WITH YOUR FAVORITE BEVERAGE AND JUST LISTEN TO THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG AND KNOW THAT ‘HE’ LOVES YOU, YOU’RE SPECIAL…

Your Name – Flight, Fight, or Both

Your Name – Flight, Fight, or Both
Your name matters!
Your name matters!

 

“The fight-or-flight response (also called the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response [in PTSD], hyperarousal, or the acute stress response) is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful eventattack, or threat to survival.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight-or-flight_response_%28in_humans%29)

Refer to this definition as often as needed during this blog. I’m sure you will 😉

me1I grew up in the era of names like Michelle, Rochelle, Bianca, Denise, Trina, Karen, Tayren, and here I was Lana. It is pronounced “Lah-nuh,” or “Lan-nuh.” Either one is fine with me but when one pronounces it like “Lane-nuh,” or “Line-nuh,” I see red! Suffice it to say I hated my name.

Have you ever visited bookstores and on a carousel were name cards and their meanings? Did you vigorously look for your name but never found it? Me too.

It wasn’t until I was in my late twenty’s that I was given a card for my birthday by a very good friend. She had a special gift to give people cards that said exactly what they needed to hear. When I saw what my name meant I cried. The card said, “Light,” and the picture on the front was that of an eagle. The scripture attached was Isaiah 40:31, “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint,” (English Standard Version).

Everywhere I went that card was with me. It reminded me that I was “Light,” even though I’d existed and operated in darkness, beginning in the womb of my mother. My life was dark, dank, and it stunk. I hid most of the time from the light. I hid in the background blending in with the scenery, or underneath the basement stairwell as a child to block out the verbal trash thrown at me. But my favorite place to hide was in television shows, romance novels, or a pornographic tale. Yep! Darkness was my friend, confidant and my secret keeper. It allowed me to unleash my anger, rage, bitterness, jealousy, hate and murder against those who verbally or at times physically abused me. This was my light and I was in both modes. I was fighting to be left alone and in flight to get emotionally and physically away from family, religious circles and academic halls. The words that I was called and the statements I was told like, “fat, dysfunctional, stupid, average, and no man will marry me because I was fat,” I was far away from being light. I was darkness personified and I believed that I was with my whole heart.

In the beginning of the new millennial I was compelled to further research the meaning of my name. With the swiftness of the internet and a push of a button several meanings flew across the screen. Still killing trees (didn’t have recycled paper) I wrote them down in my journal to look at the meanings from other cultures.

  • In Latin, it means, “wooly and appealing to the eye.” Don’t judge but I had too much testosterone in my body and yes, I had to shave quite frequently. I operated in both modes. This further proved, in my mind, that I wasn’t feminine enough. This was another negative strike against me of not being able to have a boyfriend.
  • In Hawaiian, it means, “calm as still waters; afloat.”  Well, I appeared calm to people on the outside, but inside I was a raging bull, which happens to be my birth sign – Taurus. And I can’t swim to save my life. Flight.
  • In Ireland, it means, “little rock.” My heart had been hardened over time just like a rock, and had built a mountain. Fight.
  • In Gaelic, it means, “child.” This one touches me the most because of the verbal abuse as a child and the trauma it left in its wake. As an adult I’ve had to listen to my child express her voice – something she couldn’t do at the appropriate age.
  • Just as of late, the Urban Dictionary’s definition of my name agrees with in my being. It is, “sweet, melodious, soft voice, sensuous, caring, sultry, loyal friend and protective mother, smoldering hottie under the angelic appearance, a lady in every way, intelligent, educated and a fine specimen of womanhood who is peace loving and will work to make things right in the world, a true lover of all people who also makes a good teacher, nurse or healer. She is a born leader but humble about it, and will always encourage you to do your best. She has high standards and loves her men to be intelligent, kind, responsible and healthy. Once you have her heart, she will do anything for you. Once you betray her, she will forgive you but never trust you again. She is a good hearted woman, but not a fool.” This definition partially sums my personality, character, beliefs, gifts and occupations in a nutshell.

namefaces

Now it’s your turn. Write down your name in your journal. Look it up on the internet and write down every definition you find. If your name is more modern like Alize’, Subaru, Tanisha, Tanqueray or a combination of a family or friend’s name look their names up and you will find your meaning. This research will be life changing because you will see the scenes of your life play right before your eyes. You will discern your behavior and/or action of flight, fight or both in existing or hopefully living your life.

As I gave you the examples of the meanings of my name you can see the fight, flight or both. The revelations of these definitions will explain why you were treated as such and this will also give you the courage to reclaim the positivity of your name. Now if your name means something belittling, demeaning or offensive this is where you will have to view the opposite of its meaning and embrace those words. Another way to embrace the positive nature of your name is to research the origins of your name. It may be embedded in another name. For example, Alize’ has its origins in French and English but it also sounds like several other variations in African, Greek, and Hebrew. The meaning of it is, “Trade-winds.” Choose the definition that resonates within your gut. Your gut response will be the true meaning of your name as it relates to your journey. There is another spelling and definition of Alize, which is the wine and it means “Clouds of Heaven.” If you can’t choose right now take some time and pray and/or meditate over the definitions and wait until you get an answer that brings peace to your soul.

nonameLastly, if you’ve never liked your name ask yourself why? What made you not like your name? Was an unkind word said about your name? Were you named after a relative that maybe your family didn’t like but they liked their name? I  know. They why name you after a person they didn’t like? [Sigh] The story surrounding your name will reveal why your life has taken emotional, mental and sometimes physical twists and turns.

In spite of how and why you were given a name, you have the power to change the meaning of your name.  My name means “Light,” even though I experienced darkness. I decided, I chose to turn my back on the darkness and see the light in me and around me. It wasn’t as easy as saying it because darkness didn’t want to let go so easy and truthfully I was afraid to let go of my familiar friend as well. Daily I stumbled, but got back up to seek the “Light” in me. In each cultural meaning of my name I took the positive and made it my own. I’m still doing this process, daily. I refuse to agree with the critic of my present and the abuser’s voice of my past. I, with my Creator, determine the trajectory of my emotions, behavior, and beliefs.

Some people have changed their names to a name that they believe fits who they are. This is there way of taking back their power over the ones who abused them.  Renaming yourself to your liking is perfectly alright. But your name, chosen, by your parents speaks volumes to the building of your foundations of your belief systems and if you change your name then those systems must be changed as well.

I want you to spend some time in this area because:

  1. These will more than likely dredge up memories whether good, bad, ugly, or indifferent. Write them down. Ask the Universe why…? And only you can finish the ending of that question.
  2.  Going forward you will never view yourself the same again. You will analyze your belief systems to see how your name has affected your emotions and behaviors.
  3. This sets the tone for our gatherings and journey back to your authenticity.

As you are researching your name email me your questions and please leave a comment below about this blog. I do want to hear from you and see how your journey is going.

loveyournameAlso when you have come to terms with your name say it aloud several times to hear your voice! YOUR VOICE! Keep repeating it for as long as you want. Why?

  1. Pay attention to its impact and frequency in your soul! It will “feel” quite different than before you chose to be at peace with your name.
  2. Feel the confidence you exude to yourself and others.
  3. And from this point on nicely correct those who may mispronounce your name or incorrectly spell it.
  4. Your name is not just your name it is by whom you are addressed and its meanings carry your past, present and future. Take back your power, your energy, and your name – in love!

Namaste