You have come so far on your journey. Exploring new landscapes, inner adventures manifesting in outer terrains, desiring life instead of existence. Behavioral patterns of old dissipating and innate patterns being unearthed from wounds that are healing. Your awareness is becoming stronger in recognizing your authentic identity. The small details of your persona to the larger pieces of your character, you can finally look in the mirror without grimacing. It’s exhilarating and warming to finally come back from the ‘dead.’ You’ve existed in someone else’s words, thoughts, and belief’s far too long. You’re cruising along fine, but then something or someone happens into your life. Now you and I both know nothing, just happens in your life.
A part of your character cares for those who’ve been traumatized at an early age. Especially those thrown into adult circumstances as children. You don’t mind listening to their stories, but something about this one is different. You sense a familiarity of your past, but you ignore the signals. You think you’re emotionally doing fine, and you are so why did you deny seeing these signals? Even when other people warned you what this person was like you thought maybe a change of scenery and atmosphere the person would change. Not! In fact, they behaved just like the person who originally verbally abused you as a child. But the question remains as to why you ignored the signals they gave off when they made certain statements or talked mockingly about other people, or the rude and vicious anger against someone for a little matter? Your own emotional and behavioral response was a telltale sign that this was not a relationship to be a part of so why are you?
Did you think that by listening to this person and sharing a part of your story they could identify that they are not alone and want to change? Messiah complex, you think. The ego needs to be checked again. Did you think you could vicariously help the original abuser in your life through helping this person? You are doing great in your recovery. But why did you let this person when you honestly knew you didn’t want them to be a part of your life? And they know you are about forgiveness of self and the abuser. In fact, they even stated they weren’t ready to forgive. Also, they said to your face, they don’t listen to you when you talk anyway. Wow! What more do you need to convince you that walking away is the best option in this scenario? In fact, run, do not past go and forget about the two hundred dollars. Not all money is good money anyway.
Don’t go to the extreme and give up. Your recovery in certain behavioral arena’s will take a little more time than in others. And don’t be so upset with yourself that you think you’re not healing. Let’s climb to a different vantage point. It happened for a reason, because one you allowed it, but two, possibly the Universe needed you to see where you were on this particular road of your journey. The original abuser from childhood set the ball in motion for a series of false thoughts and behaviors that have deeply permeated your life from a child to an adult. These are not easily replaced due to a ‘set in stone’ beliefs that were believed with all your heart. Let’s dissect this for a moment.
You are not responsible for the original abuser’s behavior and anyone else you meet who model’s that behavior. The abuse happened to you. You didn’t ask for it. You were a child but now as an adult you have the right to not accept it in your life.
Deeper transparency. From being abused, you learned to be
Boundaries. You can walk away or modify the time you spend with this person. Remember, they learned how to be abusive, but they must first see they are abusive and want to change. Again, their decision, their choice. You are only responsible for your actions and behaviors. You can only change yourself if that’s what you desire. Allow God to be God. He knows His creations.
Allow this situation to be a teachable moment, no more, no less. Allow yourself to accept this as a lesson learned. Keep allowing yourself to grow and learn the lessons.
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