Have you been called, or named an ‘odd duck,’ or maybe ‘weird’? It could have been another name but no matter the verbiage, basically you didn’t fit in. You tried to fit in, but you were not acting out of your innate personality and character. And each time your core, your foundation was compromised, splitting into pieces, getting buried beneath “you’re not good enough.”
Then the most awesome experience occurred that jarred your soul from its sleep. Whether it was through books, television, motivational speakers, dreams, visions, conflict, or callous experiences, you became aware. Aware shoved your soul so hard by the above or other mediums to tell you that your thoughts and beliefs were not your own. Your personality and character were misaligned due to post traumatic events. Aware comes at a designated moment in time sent by the Universe like Morpheus to Neo in The Matrix to take the red pill or the blue pill. You take the red pill and go into discovering your Wonderland, your identity.
You prayed, meditated, journal, listened to positive messages, counseling, physical and mentally exercised and exorcised toxic emotions and behavior that reared its head. Valiantly while afraid, you violently dug up your emotions, your thoughts, your beliefs, from under “you’re not good enough.” It wasn’t easy. The nights you cried into your pillow and in the morning, you plastered a lipstick/gloss smile on your face. It was the fight of the century, but you persisted and prevailed. Some you win and some you conceded, but the Universe set’s up rematches. It gives you unlimited opportunities to see where you mis-stepped in the last skirmish to get it right in the next one.
Now you are walking in God/Self-confidence. You are growing into a new set of mental makeup, thoughts and beliefs. But in some areas, due to a severely chaotic childhood and missed developmental stages, as an adult it’s still hard to regulate your emotions. It’s okay. Healing, self-care/love, forgiveness and patience are still operating on the residue. Still keep allowing Wisdom your best friend to continue giving you the best counsel. Allow Forgiveness your mentor remind you that you learned to be an abuser too at one point. So, learning to forgive your abuser and you is crucial. Allow Peace to abide in your home and Love to teach you how to do just that – love.
It’s been somewhat a rocky road to maneuver. There were situations, relationships, jobs, and groups you either walked away from or modified your presence. Your heart broke when those decisions were made, but you had to for growth’s sake. It wasn’t just for you, but for all parties involved.
Too many times you kept losing yourself in stronger personalities. You need time on unfamiliar grounds to train your mind to be stronger than your emotions. Baby steps in certain areas of your life are mandatory. This time you are aware of your trigger points and you need time to build your courage and sharpen your response. Depending on how far someone else’s belief or toxic behavior had dominion in your mind and cellular level is possible to the extent of it being uprooted. And in conjunction with learning to wear your new mental makeup (belief’s/behaviors) it’s uncomfortable. You don’t want to revert to old self-protection modes. You know you can’t. So, you try a new belief, a new behavior. Uneasy, but the more you practice the better it will feel until it fits like a glove but don’t stop there. There’s always room for growth, if you choose it.
This is a brand-new world of behaviors that you act and your beliefs are transformed as you give them the room to expand. Daily you realize that the spirit of Allowing is a constant companion. Allowing yourself to; forgive, love, let go, rest, breathe, fail, succeed, laugh, be with self or others, take risks, enjoy, be powerful, understand your weaknesses, courageous, bold, go, be still, listen, compassion, speak with your voice, be messy, be organized, make mistakes, learn, etc. The list is endless.
Just don’t stop allowing yourself to be sober and vigilant as you grow more into your authentic self. You’re beautiful, handsome, intelligent, smart, funny, wise, young, mature, uniquely designed presence is very much needed in this world. Keep evolving and allowing… no matter what.
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