How Do You ‘Scend?

How Do You ‘Scend?

enjoyingrock

 

 

howtorockI’ve learned a new term in rock climbing called ‘scend. It is “when a climber must not just work with the rock, but must also become absorbed by it.” Reading one of my favorite magazine’s Spirituality & Health the term is coined in an article entitled, “Understanding the Rush to Connect.” The author speaks of how people who are thrill seekers are often misunderstood and unfairly labeled by those who don’t imbibe in extreme sports. They are often spoken of as the aggressive jock who must conquer at all cost. When actually the writer states that most participants are people who “feel empowered, more by humbling emotions than by dominant ones. Instead of feeling larger than life, they feel small and vulnerable… As these athletes work in unity with the natural environment, humanity’s dependence on and responsibility to the earth becomes markedly clear.

I, for one, love extreme sports. But alas, I’m a spectator, not a participant. It’s not that I don’t want to but certain physical challenges limit my ability to do so. Yet, even as a spectator, I feel the rush with the participant. I allow my body to feel the exhilaration, the near misses, and the misplaced step that invites a loss.

wheretorockThis term, though peaked my interest to see if I ‘scend in my own way. Do I become one and connect with activities that I do partake in. Off the bat, I knew writing was a ‘scend for me. When I’m into a story my imagination soars. Creating worlds, people, places and things are my crack addiction. I see these creatures in my mind. I try to be descriptive as I can breathing life into their character. Watching anime, or children’s movies are the simplest wisdom and answers to questions I’ve posed to the Universe. The other night I saw the Disney/Pixar movie Inside/Out. I laughed because at that moment I was battling with how I’ve been seen through the lens of other people. Labels such as “you are too emotional,” or, “your emotions are unstable.” I will agree at times they are but watching this movie allowed me to see how certain emotions, i.e., sadness, is needed in order to unearth the root of what you’re feeling. Any emotion can be “too emotional.” As in the movie the emotion Joy had to learn balance and when it was her turn to just follow. Every emotion has its place, time, and exact moment to realize what is needed for a person to fully connect with self. I have more area’s but for the use of time and you are not pressing the browser button to go to another article I’ll stop here. But I’ve learned three points from ‘scend.

  •   It’s not a one time ascension to conquer a problem.
  •   You may not make it to the top, but each time you attempt to climb again you will have small victories.
  •   Each problem has several peaks within itself that will need to be addressed strategically, methodically, and sometimes painfully slow.

scaredrockThis means there are lessons to be learned that possibly will take longer to reach the goal. It doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. It means that what you’re scaling is monumental and must be defeated brick by brick. No, it’s not fun or easy, but break it down into bite sizes so you can celebrate the small victories along the way. And yes, celebrate! This is forgotten along the way. I know I have because I concentrated on the pain of the climb and was too tired or angry to see how far I had come. I’ll be transparent. I haven’t celebrated my journey as much I should have because it was too daunting. And yes, sometimes it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be. I concentrated on my way versus the Universe’s way of defining the victory. I know, the entities Pride and Control yeah, I tussle with them too… lol! But at least I can admit it. Victory!

Okay, I’ve run over my word limit, but I thought this word important to share with you. Think about how you connect with your activities and people. How do you ‘scend?

Namaste’

Accept It But You Don’t Have to Own It

Accept It But You Don’t Have to Own It

Ok Phamily, last I shared I wanted to be more open about my emotional awareness journey. Well, being aware and mindful about my behavioral reactions to situations have led me to accept a sickness, but not own it, it is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  Honestly, those who have been through any perilous situation have PTSD to some degree.  I’ve been reading about our veteran’s who serve the country and come back with this disorder because of how they’ve had to survive from lack of sleep, being gun ready to shoot, having shot a child or an adult first for fear of their lives being taken, patrolling territories that are bombed constantly, etc., I mean the list is endless. After reading the symptoms over and over again, as well as being told by a dear friend that when certain trigger words are said to me, I react in the same manner as a veteran challenged by PTSD. I concur.

soldier crying

If you’ve been through any consistent traumatic settings that are volatile from your childhood to young adult you have been in a war. Surviving in a home that was verbally or physically abusive will keep you on edge and constantly wondering when the next bomb is going to go off. You learn a different language altogether suffocating your authentic voice. It is imperative to find the exact words to keep your abuser at bay. You tiptoe around the home like a church mouse to throw off your location so your abuser can’t find you.  Change in the home is dynamic in nature. Situations are always occuring that after a while are predictable in form to know what the outcome will be. Preparation for an event is rare because the mood of an abuser is unpredictable. Trying to guage an attack is fifty-fifty at best. You want to have control over an incoming explosion, but really you feel out of control, especially if you are a child living in an emotionally unstable hazardous environment.

vbabuse

At work today I was notarizing a lady’s document and she began to tell me about her relationship with her mother who transitioned in 2014. Listening to her she made several statements that reminded me of my childhood. For a minute I felt that I was looking at me talking about how verbally abusive my home was growing up. But what came next out of her 60ish mouth was this, “My mother never told me that she loved me. It was not until the day before she died that she told me that I was right. She finally admitted that she had never said those words to me.” She watched and heard her mother praise all of her friends but for her it was shame and ridicule. All she wanted from her mother was acceptance, but instead she greatly feared her mother because of her verbal whip that lashed out at her and said, “you aren’t good enough.”I sat there listening to her but in my head it was replay of me and my mother a week before she transitioned in 2007. Isn’t it amazing that so many years later, no matter the age, that what was not spoken or shown can possibly affect an adult in her relationships with herself, children, and others.

Fear

If what I’ve said has resonated in you like Big Ben the clock then you may have PTSD. Now to what degree only you can define that measure. And I will add don’t be afraid to seek help, you only have two modes you operate from in a traumatic situation, survival, or, you revert back to sucking your thumb. You need someone who doesn’t know you, like your friends (it’s a lot for them to digest and more than likely they have their own issues as well), who can give you options, choices, and another unbiased perspective. These are the very things you didn’t have as a child and you grew up as an adult/child with the same belief system. I’m saying these things because I’m right here with you. I’m not telling you anything that I am not going through myself.

Isn’t it amazing how mature you can behave in one area of your life but in another you need a pamper. Traumatic events leave traces of those same exact emotions and feelings in your mind and cells. Your body literally is held hostage or frozen in time when you encounter a similar situation as an adult. It’s like you’ve never left that scene. Different people but same sh#t. We forget or sometimes don’t know that really, we are adults now. I know for me I don’t know that I’m an adult in certain situations, like when I have to confront someone who is extremely aggressive or a bully. This is my hurdle to overcome. But the truth is we are all battling something. So the question becomes what are we going to do besides seek outside help?

iRestYoga

Well, I have a few suggestions. I came across a yoga program for the veterans called iRest Yoga. You can go on YouTube and type it in and several video’s will pull up with the practice, as well a,s Dr. Richard Miller of Integrative Medicine who created the program. In my last blog I talked about falling in love with Yoga and how it has helped my body begin to heal and nerves unwind from Sciatica. It is wonderful. Now I am adding to the list iRest Yoga to see if it helps me sleep better and release stress. Try it! If it doesn’t work then seek Divine help to see what is your “thing” that can help you not just deal with trauma and stress but let it go. I believe it can leave it just may take some time. Like I said in the beginning I accept PTSD but I don’t own it. It was never mine in the first place. It was placed upon me like it was upon you. And you can send back that energy to the sender anytime of the day. I have a mantra that I say each time I feel the need to. It goes like this:

Father, this day I reclaim my energy from all past and present relationships, family, culture; their words, behaviors, and looks from those that I misappropriated my ignorantly taught, misaligned perceptions and beliefs about relationships, family, culture, religious and educational affiliations, and business and social connections! This day I choose to own MY energy!

My wall in front of my bed is my “Inspiration Wall,” (see picture below, apologize for the size). These sayings are the first thing I see when I wake up. I say them even if I don’t feel it. That’s when I say them with more passon and fervor. I have scriptures, pictures, covenants, and art work, “Psalms 23.” God is carrying the lamb on His shoulders with hands afixed around his hoofs. The lamb is looking at Him assured that he is protected by the Great Shepherd. I add to it as needed when a quote touches me in my soul. I have one from “Pretty Little Liars,” or one of my anime shows, “Soul Eater – Not!” Wisdom knows no bounds. (Don’t judge 😉

inspiration wall (61x100)

iRest is just a suggestion that I will see if it helps as well. I hope it does. Remember healing is always available just maybe not in the way we’d like it to be like – NOW! But it is available and just because you are diagnosed with a sickness or disease doesn’t mean you have to own it. I choose to find the real culprit of the malady. This is just a question I’m throwing out to you phamily.  Have you ever wondered how is it that someone can either go through what you went through or even worse but emotionally, seemingly, they are not damaged? In fact they are confident, kind, assertive, yet humble. All I know is I WANT WHAT THEY’RE DRINKING…LOL!

But this was just one of those da-m-rn days that I wanted to share with you and I hope it helped you in some way. If it did please subscribe to my blog and tell a friend. We are all on this journey together living, learning, and sharing. Please share with me “things” you do to release the stress and trauma of yesteryear or day. I would love to know in the comments!

I am worth it

Namaste’

Lana (Lah-nuh or Lan-nuh, just not Line-nuh 🙂