Uncreate the Verbal Contracts

Uncreate the Verbal Contracts

 

Uncreate the Contracts

 

It’s time to delete the tape! It’s time to evict the people living inside your head, beliefs, emotions, and voice! It’s time to delete the memories in your cells! It’s time to tell those negative words, unseemly behaviors, and low-frequency thoughts to go! It’s time to uncreate the verbal contracts and break through your authentic self and life!

You were consistently verbally abused as a child and agreed to believe those words. I know you were a child and didn’t have the wherewithal to fight the words. You internalized this to mean, “You weren’t good enough.” But now you are at a crossroad in your adult life and choices must be made to uncreate the verbal contracts or stay aligned in agreement with the enemy of your soul. Are you ready?

Every word and statement, write down the person(s) name who said it. In another column write an I AM statement about you. For example, I AM INTELLIGENT, OR I AM CREATIVE. This may take a while so take breaks. You can do this in stages. It can be emotionally intense. Take your time. Write a few words and people for an hour a day and speak aloud the below declaration. Say aloud your new I AM affirmations daily too. Move in that vacant space your new beliefs hearing your own voice.

When you have completed as many as you can say aloud the following declaration with the Restorer of your soul!

 I renounce and denounce every word spoken to me that I’ve believed from a child. I am not these words and statements. I am a child of I AM! And I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I am a divine being created in the image of I AM. I choose to speak I AM forth by rewriting my mental, emotional, and physical script with my voice and behavior.

For those who attacked me with their religion and co-signing God’s name to their abuse, I renounce their god of bondage and fear and choose to learn God for myself. I renounce and denounce the language of a slave and I speak the language of freedom! I am worthy. Period.

On this day ______________ I uncreate every verbal contract that I agreed to and by the great I AM I ask that it be destroyed and sent back to the sender. Amen

You will repeat this declaration as needed. You’ve existed in another persons reality for a long time and they don’t want to leave so easily. Those memories are in your cells and must be removed.

The next few techniques are excellent ways of clearing your cells. Take walks, being in nature clears your mind. Another practice is to take your hands and pat them, on the top of your thighs like you’re walking.  One last exercise is to fold your arms and take your hands and pat your arms like you are walking. It seems strange but that motion blocks negative mind chatter.

You are Removing, what no longer serves you and Restoring’ your authentic emotions, thoughts, and voice! This is a journey so take steps and read my friend Neil Vermillion’s blog. He has insight that will assist, affirm and order your steps daily.

In my next blog January 30, 2016, I will discuss “Forgiveness.” I may have a special guest blogger to walk you in forgiveness. This is her field of expertise. Meanwhile, enjoy Ms. Janet Jackson’s “Control.” We know WHO is really in control of our lives but “Self-Control” is a ‘Fruit of the Spirit’.  Until thenknow that you are not alone, sweet sleep, and angels keep. 

When you look in the mirror do you know the person looking back-

To purchase my memoir just click the picture above! THANK YOU. And one last thing, would love to read your comments if my blogs are helping you and if it is “DON’T FORGET TO SUBSCRIBE & SHARE!” 

Break Through in 2016!

It’s The Simple Things!

Remember the game Tag? I know it’s a child’s game but sometimes it’s the simple things that bring the most clarity to an adult child situation, yeah, an adult child. When you’ve been emotionally traumatized as a child that moment in time is frozen in your mind, cells, and behavior. You learned how to behave in that abusive environment to survive, but unfortunately those techniques followed you into adulthood. Also, that emotionally charged situation left a wound in your soul that you exist from on a daily basis. Dr. Janet Woititz, psychologist, that worked with Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) stated, “…most adult children have in common a set of dysfunctional ways of behaving which interfere with (or simply take the joy out of), daily living…leftovers from something missed along the way in growing up- and to develop more effective ways of living.”[i]  She adds it doesn’t matter how you got there, meaning, rejection, abandonment, molestation or any other emotionally abusive manner. What matters is you are here at this point and age and not living your life.

So today we are going back to our ‘Playground’ and play Tag. The Four R’s On Your Journey are Remember, Recognize, Remove, and Restore. Today we will discuss the first two, Remember and Recognize. In my memoir, “Dirty Breath: Trapped by Rejection,” I talk about places where I felt safe, free, and my weight didn’t matter. The playground was that place for me at school. It’s important you are safe as we journey back to some places that will ignite emotions that have either been deeply buried in your soul or you feel them on a daily basis. If you don’t remember a safe place you have the awesome task of choosing your present day safe place – your playground.

  1. Remember.  Return to your ‘Playground’, your safe place.

Your playground is a time and a place of your choosing that you will be protected and not disturbed. You can sit with a glass of your favorite beverage with pen, pencil, paper, IPad, Kindle, laptop, etc., to write down your intimate thoughts. No one will be there except your Creator, and personal angels to ensure your privacy and safety from things seen and unseen.

 

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TAG

I’M IT: For the last couple of weeks I’ve been talking about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Basically, in relation to how a traumatic past or past-present event, either from your childhood or later has the power to guide and effect your current emotions and behavior. It is possible to believe a demeaning statement that was never your reality but your abusers wounded world. For example…

I’m restructuring my nutritional intake, exercising, and on the grind rebuilding and discovering streams of income. It’s a lot, but more importantly, it is pulling up past abusive scenes, faces, and words of moments regarding relationships (family, peers, religious), weight, abilities to learn, and money (poverty beliefs).

At the end of June I had an emotional breakup. Yes, an emotional breakup with what “they” said. I’ve said probably a million times before that I wasn’t what “they” said about me but I didn’t believe a word of what came out of my mouth.  I couldn’t see the other side of ‘their’ hurtful words. I lived in my mind where the entity Torment daily did its job. Those dysfunctional childhood situations, people, and words played over and over in my mind as if they were literally here, with me, in present mode. I lived each and every day with a stress level that was slowly killing me. I walked, talked, and thought in Torment’s world of bondage and fear.

*As a side note you will see me refer to emotions whether negative or positive as entities. Words have power and yes, I do believe that life and death is in the power of the tongue. Try this test. Say aloud the word ‘beautiful.’ How does it make you feel? What part of the body do you feel the energy of that word? Now say aloud the word ‘ugly.’ How does it make you feel and what part of the body is the energy flowing from? I believe words carry the energy of their definition. Depending on the word and the intent of the person it searches for a wounded soul or a welcomed soul to inhabit. They enter in one’s body by another body saying words that are carried by their breath. *

Belief in a word, a statement, a person in anything can either bring life or death. I treaded in death’s hallway even though I spoke life giving words. I even strongly encouraged others with those same words. But to me, they were just words. My beliefs in the esteem damaging words were stronger than my belief in life-giving words.

I wanted Torment to stop. Even though heart issues, like weight loss, from childhood were being answered by the Divine the critical self-talk and scenes from yesteryear were killing me. In my memoir I tell the story of why it means so much to me that my Creator would answer an eight year old little girl’s prayer forty-five years later. But I knew this madness had to stop. I had to make it stop. So I made up in my mind that day, screaming at the top of my lungs, crying and looking like a raccoon, to the Divine and the Council of Heaven that I was not going to accept my abusers talk anymore and I needed their help! With snot running out of my nose and down my lips I declared to heaven, earth, and all the negative entities that I wasn’t going to talk to “me” that wounded way anymore. I was double dogg damned tired. My Creator knew this time I meant every word and He heard me, as I’m sure the negative entities did too, but I didn’t care. My answers and help were waiting on me to just get tired as yours are waiting on you, I’m sure.

I’ve been talking about weight loss but rest assured you can apply this practice to whatever was used to traumatize you. The entity used to traumatize me was Rejection. If you are diligently losing weight and your self-talk is still the same, you will gain the weight back. I promise you will. But first, let’s identify the unlimited various ways in which the Universe can assist you in answering your questions.  I will share with you mine as an example.

1. FAMILIAR & PRACTICAL: I’m a reader. My soul gravitates to books on psychology, spirituality, soul, and consciousness. I think you get the picture. So when I’m seeking to be healed in my emotions or questions answered the Master of all scribes sends me the answer to what He knows that will peak my interest. Thus, the above stated avenues. The written word is not my only link, just like you, we all have hobbies or interest like movies, etc., and that we just love to do or view. There is no explanation why other than it brings us a peace in our soul (mind, body, emotions).  In other words it’s fulfilling and that’s why the Creator uses what you naturally acclimate to.

 

boygirltag

TAG

YOU’RE IT: Take a minute phamily and think about your hobbies or interests. What do you like to do without thinking about it? Are you a reader of romance, paranormal, or biographies? Do you play sports, jog, walk, paint, knit, writer, or a diy’er? When your body and mind is in fun motion do ideas come to you quicker than you are moving? How does doing the things you like make your body feel? Even if you don’t know what you like, what would you like to venture out and do? Whatever is the first thing that comes to mind just…

WRITE THOSE DOWN!    laptopdrink

 

TAG

I’M IT: RECOGNIZE: This is the second of ‘The Four R’s on Your Journey. Explore the various ways you’ve operated to survive. ‘Pay Attention’ and be ‘Aware’ of your thoughts, words, and behaviors. Learn the frequency by which your soul speaks.

Now that you’ve written down your familiar and practical avenues let’s continue. What is the traumatic event, like a New York turnstile, continuously playing over and over in your head? No matter where you are at, with people, or by yourself, the scenes from that moment reverberate in your soul. For me it was the scene of learning how to ride a bike and I was told because I was fat I couldn’t learn. I know it sounds crazy but that scene coupled with the words, looks, and behaviors of key players set the stage for all my male/female/authoritative relationships, job choices, and trying new things, and it greatly affected how I felt about my weight going forward. The belief system I learned from my abuser’s was birthed from not learning how to ride a bike.

1. I believed I couldn’t learn anything without someone being there to hold onto for security.

2. I believed that close family members would not protect me. In fact they verbally and sometimes physically abused me in front of my peers and other authority figures or remained silent and did nothing. I knew by the age of ten adult figures in my family would not protect me. I tell stories in my book of how the more I was rejected by those who supposedly loved me I became invisible and buried my voice.

3. I believed that other female peers would either not look at me due to the entity Shame or Pity and would join in with the adult figures of my family and verbally abuse me. Guys that I liked would look away from me due to the entity Embarrassment or Pity. They bowed to peer pressure for fear of being ridiculed of liking a fat girl. I knew by the age of eight nice looking guys would not want to be with me unless under the guise of darkness because I was fat.

4. I believed that I couldn’t verbally hurt people back because I didn’t want them to feel that kind of hurt and more so I was afraid of being physically hit. Before I decided to not fight back I tried to verbally defend myself. I was met with a hit to my mouth by the adult or, in their rage, would scream and verbally berate me in front of my peers and other adults. The cost of the entities Embarrassment, Shame, and Pain was too high to pay. So I remained quiet.

5. I believed that the only place I could live freely was in my imagination, sexual fantasies and thoughts, in essence, in my head. My thoughts and words were not good enough to express openly. Since I was physically compared to my peers I imitated their personality, physical expressions, even how they spoke. I committed “identity theft” which done excessively becomes ‘multiple personality disorder.’ My thoughts, voice, and personality went to sleep deep inside my soul.

In a more simplified form this was my belief system.

  1. Afraid to learn new things because I thought I was the entity Dumb.
  2. Not good enough to be a friend with females, or be with a nice looking guy because I was fat, or voice my thoughts.
  3. No one will protect me especially family.
  4. Fear of authority figures (God & man). Those that claimed they were His children became bullies and physically abusive when you challenged them. So I thought since they were His children He sanctioned their behavior towards me which, in my mind, made Him a bully too.
  5. Afraid of being hit or verbally abused by females and males (adults and peers) if I disagreed with what they said or told me what to do.

I believed that I was a bad seed and unworthy to be loved by God or man. This belief system followed me well into my adult years all because I didn’t learn how to ride a bike. Wow! Like I said I know this sounds, well, crazy, but it’s true. It wasn’t just this one time but it was the initial seed planted in me. The scenes and people changed but the pattern of how I was treated by family and peers consistently was based on the initial seed until the age of ten. At that age and a kick to my leg the belief systems were solidified in my soul. Emotional Abuse is as real as Physical Abuse. In fact, both are equally as harmful. It just depends on which one will be predominantly used against you. But both will be present no matter which one is used more than the other. If this sounds like you…

 tag

TAG

YOU’RE IT: Write down your memory or memories and see what belief system you’ve accepted as yours to survive. This may take some time so we will resume week after next, August 15th, with another blog post. But feel free to view past blog post at lanamhooks.com and read other articles on why I began to discuss PTSD.

I’m celebrating three wonderful birthday’s coming up in a matter of days. And I want to be fully present with them as they celebrate another glorious year of their marvelous lives!

Until we meet again the entity Pay Attention and Aware wants to show you other avenues or ways that you naturally gravitate to without thought that give you messages or answers to your questions. This is fun because you may not have been aware of these at all. Just be open with the entity Pay Attention and Aware and allow energy of the definition to do its work and watch what happens. And don’t forget to

WRITE THEM DOWN!

blackfemalewriting

 

 

 

That will be a part of your quest for next time as well!

 

timeoutTIME OUT!

I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU

Leave a comment and let me know if what I’m writing is helping you face some traumatic memories and to finally leave that place to feel, think, speak, and live your authentic life. Also let me know your thoughts about having HANGOUTS in the near future with guest who will not only share their journeys as well but give words of wisdom to conquer the trauma!

ENJOY FREEBIES!

    To your right SIGN-UP as a SUBSCRIBER! I have a FREE GIFT awaiting you below!!! Also there will be other FREEBIES coming REAL SOON as well!

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

 I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

    heartyfruit

WE ARE PHAMILY

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

 

THANK YOU

Until we meet again travel safely, have a sweet sleep and angels keep, and know that you are not alone.

Namaste’

Lana M Hooks

FREEBIE DOWNLOAD!

anotherarrow

 

 

 

 

 

 

Authenticity Rocks Reader Magnet for Dirty Breath1

 *****THE SONG FOR THIS BLOG WAS MY FAVORITE BACK IN THE DAY! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TAG BUT IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PLAYGROUND. I ALSO THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IT WAS A FUN SONG THAT EVEN CHILDREN AND ADULTS DANCED TO! ****  ENJOY!!!


[i] Dr. Janet Woititz, Adult Child Characteristics: Alcoholic & Dysfunctional Families, http://www.cyberus.ca/~rocksoft/teddysrule/chars/charactr.html

 

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

God Help The Child

Thirty-five years ago sitting in a small classroom at a Big Ten university I was given a syllabus by my instructor. Little did I know that an assigned book entitled “The Bluest Eye” by author #ToniMorrison would speak to my silenced soul. The main character Pecola believed that whiteness was beautiful and her dark skin was ugly. She also believed that if she had blue eyes her life would be somehow different and those that were charged to protect her would finally love her. Skin color was not my issue but I had the same belief as Pecola. If I were smaller those that were given to be stewards over my life would love me too. I read this book in one night. I cried as I read Pecola’s emotional and behavioral struggle. But in hindsight I believe I was crying with Pecola, acknowledging and sharing her angst, and learned self-hatred. It was the first time I’d ever read a book that unlocked a part of my wounded soul that I kept locked with a deadbolt. Fast forward. Thirty-five years. It’s July 8, 2015.

I’m sitting at the MARTA Kensington train station reading “God Help the Child.” The main character is Lula Ann but as an adult she calls herself ‘Bride.’ Uncanny that as I’m reading she reminds me of Pecola in skin color but darker, “blue-black” as her mother Sweetness spoke of her child. I don’t want to give away the story but I will say this, if you’ve ever been emotionally abused, verbally and physically and you’re still battling the trauma of those events, this book is for you. It’s about what and how you deal with the trauma in the aftermath of having survived the hell you’ve gone through. All the while I was reading I thought it was about Bride and it is but Booker her lover and his aunt Olive were the ones who as they say in church ‘gave me a word’ that wrecked my existence.

Bride is searching for Booker who left her without a full explanation. He just plainly told her, “You’re not the one.” Her anger not being satisfied with his statement and an unpaid pawn shop bill that was addressed to her residence sends her on a road trip in search of this man. The road trip is a metaphor for Bride to contemplate her past relationship with her mother, her teaching life lessons to Bride, the neglect of not being touched, the denial of seeing others sexually abused, and the lies to gain her mother’s attention and longing for her touch. This truly is more than a road trip. A brilliant and creative addition that Ms. Morrison includes is, as Bride is reminiscing on her past, her physical body is reverting back to that little blue-black girl with virgin earlobes and childlike breast. Her wounded emotions and past scenes of her life through the people that she meets along the way to find Booker force her to reevaluate her present life, behavior, and beliefs.

There are other supporting characters such as Brooklyn, her Caucasian best friend that is extremely Envious of Bride. She hides it well, but as you read you will see it rear its head out of hiding in pretending to ‘be on her side.’ Sofia, a teacher who was identified as being a child molester when Lula Ann was a student has been released. Bride desires to meet her to welcome her back in society. Not a good idea. Sweetness, Bride’s mother knows deep down she thoroughly messed up in raising her. She thinks she was preparing her for the world because of her color but the only thing she did was push Bride away. And in the end Bride pushed her away into a place where she is safe from her mother’s words and her presence.  Sweetness is given the basic respect of a child. Bride sends her letters to inform her of her life and sometimes inclusive of money to make sure she is well-taken cared of but never her presence. That loving touch she denied her child is now being denied to her in her mature years.

When Bride finally finds Booker their meeting is loud, volatile and even though I don’t like physicality in that manner, this was very much needed. The reservoir of left behind energy explodes from emotions that have been bottled up far too long. It does settle down with Bride spent from exerting all that energy and falling asleep. But it’s the dialogue between he and his Aunt Olive, as Bride sweetly sleeps, from pages one fifty-six through one fifty-nine that kept me reading them over and over on the train until I reached Five Points and boarded my next train to get to work. My train ride and reading that dialogue, as Bride’s road trip, ignited me to go back to see what I left from my past that I needed now. But it also told me in no uncertain terms how I sabotaged what Life was bringing me to change my situation. Sometimes you really have to question why is it when Life comes to transform your belief system, change your lifestyle, or give you your heart’s desire you push it away? Do you think you are being noble to not let go of an ignorant word spoken from another wounded vessel? Do you feel like if you let go of a deceased person you loved and they loved you in return is betraying that person? Can you be loved? Do you deserve to be loved? Do you manage the dead or do they manage you?

Those four pages urged me to clean out all my bins of books, clothes and other material wares and donate them to one of my charities. Cleaning out my bins I came across thoughts in journals, words of enlightenment, poems, undergraduate thesis, Black history papers and bio’s, spiritual writings on growth and insight to the soul, and international travel brochures. I picked back up from those bins what I forgot. And that night I dreamt of my deceased mother who I spoke to on the phone but I could see her and she gave me a message of hope.

Ms. Morrison opened again a part of my soul that other people had been telling me in so many words but just like in “The Bluest Eye” Ms. Morrison has a way with words that make you see clearly. Or, maybe I was ready to not just hear these words but destroy a belief system that was managing me. The Divine knew that Ms. Morrison could get His point across to me and I wouldn’t miss it.

This book is ten stars and then some. Ms. Morrison’s excellent novel’s message came full circle in my soul. I’ve never been more at peace than I am now. The alignment was perfect. From reading the excerpt in Essence magazine in my birthday month of May, to receiving it as a birthday gift by my sister friend, who came as a surprise for my birthday gathering from Maryland, this was divinely orchestrated. Thank you Ms. Morrison for not just hearing my soul cry but countless others whose spirit wooed you to write this divine work.

I said it in the beginning and I will say it as I end. If you have been emotionally abused, verbally and physically, this book is for you. Now don’t jump ahead to those pages I mentioned that’s cheating…lol! Read these character’s lives and hear their voice. You might just hear yours intertwined with theirs.

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

God Help The Child

Thirty-five years ago sitting in a small classroom at a Big Ten university I was given a syllabus by my instructor. Little did I know that an assigned book entitled “The Bluest Eye” by author #ToniMorrison would speak to my silenced soul. The main character Pecola believed that whiteness was beautiful and her dark skin was ugly. She also believed that if she had blue eyes her life would be somehow different and those that were charged to protect her would finally love her. Skin color was not my issue but I had the same belief as Pecola. If I were smaller those that were given to be stewards over my life would love me too. I read this book in one night. I cried as I read Pecola’s emotional and behavioral struggle. But in hindsight I believe I was crying with Pecola, acknowledging and sharing her angst, and learned self-hatred. It was the first time I’d ever read a book that unlocked a part of my wounded soul that I kept locked with a deadbolt. Fast forward. Thirty-five years. It’s July 8, 2015.

I’m sitting at the MARTA Kensington train station reading “God Help the Child.” The main character is Lula Ann but as an adult she calls herself ‘Bride.’ Uncanny that as I’m reading she reminds me of Pecola in skin color but darker, “blue-black” as her mother Sweetness spoke of her child. I don’t want to give away the story but I will say this, if you’ve ever been emotionally abused, verbally and physically and you’re still battling the trauma of those events, this book is for you. It’s about what and how you deal with the trauma in the aftermath of having survived the hell you’ve gone through. All the while I was reading I thought it was about Bride and it is but Booker her lover and his aunt Olive were the ones who as they say in church ‘gave me a word’ that wrecked my existence.

Bride is searching for Booker who left her without a full explanation. He just plainly told her, “You’re not the one.” Her anger not being satisfied with his statement and an unpaid pawn shop bill that was addressed to her residence sends her on a road trip in search of this man. The road trip is a metaphor for Bride to contemplate her past relationship with her mother, her teaching life lessons to Bride, the neglect of not being touched, the denial of seeing others sexually abused, and the lies to gain her mother’s attention and longing for her touch. This truly is more than a road trip. A brilliant and creative addition that Ms. Morrison includes is, as Bride is reminiscing on her past, her physical body is reverting back to that little blue-black girl with virgin earlobes and childlike breast. Her wounded emotions and past scenes of her life through the people that she meets along the way to find Booker force her to reevaluate her present life, behavior, and beliefs.

There are other supporting characters such as Brooklyn, her Caucasian best friend that is extremely Envious of Bride. She hides it well, but as you read you will see it rear its head out of hiding in pretending to ‘be on her side.’ Sofia, a teacher who was identified as being a child molester when Lula Ann was a student has been released. Bride desires to meet her to welcome her back in society. Not a good idea. Sweetness, Bride’s mother knows deep down she thoroughly messed up in raising her. She thinks she was preparing her for the world because of her color but the only thing she did was push Bride away. And in the end Bride pushed her away into a place where she is safe from her mother’s words and her presence.  Sweetness is given the basic respect of a child. Bride sends her letters to inform her of her life and sometimes inclusive of money to make sure she is well-taken cared of but never her presence. That loving touch she denied her child is now being denied to her in her mature years.

When Bride finally finds Booker their meeting is loud, volatile and even though I don’t like physicality in that manner, this was very much needed. The reservoir of left behind energy explodes from emotions that have been bottled up far too long. It does settle down with Bride spent from exerting all that energy and falling asleep. But it’s the dialogue between he and his Aunt Olive, as Bride sweetly sleeps, from pages one fifty-six through one fifty-nine that kept me reading them over and over on the train until I reached Five Points and boarded my next train to get to work. My train ride and reading that dialogue, as Bride’s road trip, ignited me to go back to see what I left from my past that I needed now. But it also told me in no uncertain terms how I sabotaged what Life was bringing me to change my situation. Sometimes you really have to question why is it when Life comes to transform your belief system, change your lifestyle, or give you your heart’s desire you push it away? Do you think you are being noble to not let go of an ignorant word spoken from another wounded vessel? Do you feel like if you let go of a deceased person you loved and they loved you in return is betraying that person? Can you be loved? Do you deserve to be loved? Do you manage the dead or do they manage you?

Those four pages urged me to clean out all my bins of books, clothes and other material wares and donate them to one of my charities. Cleaning out my bins I came across thoughts in journals, words of enlightenment, poems, undergraduate thesis, Black history papers and bio’s, spiritual writings on growth and insight to the soul, and international travel brochures. I picked back up from those bins what I forgot. And that night I dreamt of my deceased mother who I spoke to on the phone but I could see her and she gave me a message of hope.

Ms. Morrison opened again a part of my soul that other people had been telling me in so many words but just like in “The Bluest Eye” Ms. Morrison has a way with words that make you see clearly. Or, maybe I was ready to not just hear these words but destroy a belief system that was managing me. The Divine knew that Ms. Morrison could get His point across to me and I wouldn’t miss it.

This book is ten stars and then some. Ms. Morrison’s excellent novel’s message came full circle in my soul. I’ve never been more at peace than I am now. The alignment was perfect. From reading the excerpt in Essence magazine in my birthday month of May, to receiving it as a birthday gift by my sister friend, who came as a surprise for my birthday gathering from Maryland, this was divinely orchestrated. Thank you Ms. Morrison for not just hearing my soul cry but countless others whose spirit wooed you to write this divine work.

I said it in the beginning and I will say it as I end. If you have been emotionally abused, verbally and physically, this book is for you. Now don’t jump ahead to those pages I mentioned that’s cheating…lol! Read these character’s lives and hear their voice. You might just hear yours intertwined with theirs.

Your Name – Flight, Fight, or Both

Your Name – Flight, Fight, or Both
Your name matters!
Your name matters!

 

“The fight-or-flight response (also called the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response [in PTSD], hyperarousal, or the acute stress response) is a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful eventattack, or threat to survival.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fight-or-flight_response_%28in_humans%29)

Refer to this definition as often as needed during this blog. I’m sure you will 😉

me1I grew up in the era of names like Michelle, Rochelle, Bianca, Denise, Trina, Karen, Tayren, and here I was Lana. It is pronounced “Lah-nuh,” or “Lan-nuh.” Either one is fine with me but when one pronounces it like “Lane-nuh,” or “Line-nuh,” I see red! Suffice it to say I hated my name.

Have you ever visited bookstores and on a carousel were name cards and their meanings? Did you vigorously look for your name but never found it? Me too.

It wasn’t until I was in my late twenty’s that I was given a card for my birthday by a very good friend. She had a special gift to give people cards that said exactly what they needed to hear. When I saw what my name meant I cried. The card said, “Light,” and the picture on the front was that of an eagle. The scripture attached was Isaiah 40:31, “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint,” (English Standard Version).

Everywhere I went that card was with me. It reminded me that I was “Light,” even though I’d existed and operated in darkness, beginning in the womb of my mother. My life was dark, dank, and it stunk. I hid most of the time from the light. I hid in the background blending in with the scenery, or underneath the basement stairwell as a child to block out the verbal trash thrown at me. But my favorite place to hide was in television shows, romance novels, or a pornographic tale. Yep! Darkness was my friend, confidant and my secret keeper. It allowed me to unleash my anger, rage, bitterness, jealousy, hate and murder against those who verbally or at times physically abused me. This was my light and I was in both modes. I was fighting to be left alone and in flight to get emotionally and physically away from family, religious circles and academic halls. The words that I was called and the statements I was told like, “fat, dysfunctional, stupid, average, and no man will marry me because I was fat,” I was far away from being light. I was darkness personified and I believed that I was with my whole heart.

In the beginning of the new millennial I was compelled to further research the meaning of my name. With the swiftness of the internet and a push of a button several meanings flew across the screen. Still killing trees (didn’t have recycled paper) I wrote them down in my journal to look at the meanings from other cultures.

  • In Latin, it means, “wooly and appealing to the eye.” Don’t judge but I had too much testosterone in my body and yes, I had to shave quite frequently. I operated in both modes. This further proved, in my mind, that I wasn’t feminine enough. This was another negative strike against me of not being able to have a boyfriend.
  • In Hawaiian, it means, “calm as still waters; afloat.”  Well, I appeared calm to people on the outside, but inside I was a raging bull, which happens to be my birth sign – Taurus. And I can’t swim to save my life. Flight.
  • In Ireland, it means, “little rock.” My heart had been hardened over time just like a rock, and had built a mountain. Fight.
  • In Gaelic, it means, “child.” This one touches me the most because of the verbal abuse as a child and the trauma it left in its wake. As an adult I’ve had to listen to my child express her voice – something she couldn’t do at the appropriate age.
  • Just as of late, the Urban Dictionary’s definition of my name agrees with in my being. It is, “sweet, melodious, soft voice, sensuous, caring, sultry, loyal friend and protective mother, smoldering hottie under the angelic appearance, a lady in every way, intelligent, educated and a fine specimen of womanhood who is peace loving and will work to make things right in the world, a true lover of all people who also makes a good teacher, nurse or healer. She is a born leader but humble about it, and will always encourage you to do your best. She has high standards and loves her men to be intelligent, kind, responsible and healthy. Once you have her heart, she will do anything for you. Once you betray her, she will forgive you but never trust you again. She is a good hearted woman, but not a fool.” This definition partially sums my personality, character, beliefs, gifts and occupations in a nutshell.

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Now it’s your turn. Write down your name in your journal. Look it up on the internet and write down every definition you find. If your name is more modern like Alize’, Subaru, Tanisha, Tanqueray or a combination of a family or friend’s name look their names up and you will find your meaning. This research will be life changing because you will see the scenes of your life play right before your eyes. You will discern your behavior and/or action of flight, fight or both in existing or hopefully living your life.

As I gave you the examples of the meanings of my name you can see the fight, flight or both. The revelations of these definitions will explain why you were treated as such and this will also give you the courage to reclaim the positivity of your name. Now if your name means something belittling, demeaning or offensive this is where you will have to view the opposite of its meaning and embrace those words. Another way to embrace the positive nature of your name is to research the origins of your name. It may be embedded in another name. For example, Alize’ has its origins in French and English but it also sounds like several other variations in African, Greek, and Hebrew. The meaning of it is, “Trade-winds.” Choose the definition that resonates within your gut. Your gut response will be the true meaning of your name as it relates to your journey. There is another spelling and definition of Alize, which is the wine and it means “Clouds of Heaven.” If you can’t choose right now take some time and pray and/or meditate over the definitions and wait until you get an answer that brings peace to your soul.

nonameLastly, if you’ve never liked your name ask yourself why? What made you not like your name? Was an unkind word said about your name? Were you named after a relative that maybe your family didn’t like but they liked their name? I  know. They why name you after a person they didn’t like? [Sigh] The story surrounding your name will reveal why your life has taken emotional, mental and sometimes physical twists and turns.

In spite of how and why you were given a name, you have the power to change the meaning of your name.  My name means “Light,” even though I experienced darkness. I decided, I chose to turn my back on the darkness and see the light in me and around me. It wasn’t as easy as saying it because darkness didn’t want to let go so easy and truthfully I was afraid to let go of my familiar friend as well. Daily I stumbled, but got back up to seek the “Light” in me. In each cultural meaning of my name I took the positive and made it my own. I’m still doing this process, daily. I refuse to agree with the critic of my present and the abuser’s voice of my past. I, with my Creator, determine the trajectory of my emotions, behavior, and beliefs.

Some people have changed their names to a name that they believe fits who they are. This is there way of taking back their power over the ones who abused them.  Renaming yourself to your liking is perfectly alright. But your name, chosen, by your parents speaks volumes to the building of your foundations of your belief systems and if you change your name then those systems must be changed as well.

I want you to spend some time in this area because:

  1. These will more than likely dredge up memories whether good, bad, ugly, or indifferent. Write them down. Ask the Universe why…? And only you can finish the ending of that question.
  2.  Going forward you will never view yourself the same again. You will analyze your belief systems to see how your name has affected your emotions and behaviors.
  3. This sets the tone for our gatherings and journey back to your authenticity.

As you are researching your name email me your questions and please leave a comment below about this blog. I do want to hear from you and see how your journey is going.

loveyournameAlso when you have come to terms with your name say it aloud several times to hear your voice! YOUR VOICE! Keep repeating it for as long as you want. Why?

  1. Pay attention to its impact and frequency in your soul! It will “feel” quite different than before you chose to be at peace with your name.
  2. Feel the confidence you exude to yourself and others.
  3. And from this point on nicely correct those who may mispronounce your name or incorrectly spell it.
  4. Your name is not just your name it is by whom you are addressed and its meanings carry your past, present and future. Take back your power, your energy, and your name – in love!

Namaste