Mini or Me?

Mini or Me?

MiniorMe-

I’m sure you’ve seen the Austin Power movies with Dr. Evil and his sidekick Mini-Me who mimics him. Watching a marathon of these movies, I can’t remember which one, Dr. Evil’s biological son returns home and Mini-Me gets jealous. In his mind, he’s been the faithful son for a long time and now he’s being replaced. He desperately tries to regain his position with Dr. Evil but he rejects Mini-Me’s attempts at mimicking him. What once made Dr. Evil so happy is now a turn off to him since his biological son has returned.

fatherdaughterskyI thought of how children try their hardest to impress their parents especially first born children. Parenting does not come with a rule book, or a set of instructions to teach you how to raise a child. So what do most parents do? They raise their child like how they were raised. Teaching them the same way as they were taught but not giving a thought at times that not everything they learned was necessarily all good. Parents pass down character traits, beliefs, mannerisms, opinions, ideologies, likes, dislikes, and even colloquial terms that first born children pick up quickly.

motherdaughtercookingMy last blog talked about uncreating verbal contracts that we make on a daily basis consciously or subconsciously with words. Before I go any further let me be very clear again not everything taught by parents were in error or removed you away from your authentic self. For instance, my mother’s love of reading, writing, and the English language is my love too. That’s a good thing. But her fear of people and evading conflict was not a good thing and I picked that up as well. You see where I’m going with this. Her books became her escapism to not face harsh realities. And as much as I saw that and disliked it I too did the same thing. It’s not easy tearing away the parts of you that were consummated from a parent. Your emotions are torn in half because you are divorcing yourself from their wounded soul to reclaim your true identity, emotions, thoughts, and voice. It feels like a betrayal. You’ve been a mini-me image living in their world for so long that now that you want to reclaim your authentic self but it feels like abandonment. And to be honest with you, you are abandoning certain traits that were never you in the first place. It’s okay.

motherdaughtersittingThis is an identity contract that you must uncreate. Children no matter the birth order are born with their own unique personality. It’s not fair to their psyche or the Creator to repress their thoughts, emotions, and voice. Yes, they will have features, and partial mannerisms but they will have an opinion and a voice. Let them. Actually, Dr. Evil did Mini-Me a huge favor by rejecting him. I know it didn’t feel right at the moment. Dr. Evil, without thought, sliced Mini-Me away from him but in the end, Mini-Me discovered he was his own person and didn’t need Dr. Evil.

As harsh at it may be seizing your soul back from another soul is the best thing you can do for yourself. Discovering your thoughts, beliefs, mannerism, and voice is an exciting adventure that is priceless. Think about it two souls housed in one soul are multiple souls or personalities vying for top position. Eventually, one will reign supreme and you are forced to make the decision as to which one it will be.

We’re moving into February but by year’s end don’t you want to know the person in the mirror staring back? Take some time before the next blog and write down:

  • Several things that you learned from a parent or one in authority over you as a child that you no longer serves you.
  • Uncreate the contract with that character trait, word, belief, mannerism, opinion, ideology, and replace it with what YOU want.
  • Go back to the last blog and repeat the words to uncreate the contract with what you’ve written above or write your own. Empower yourself utilizing your own words.
  • Start your discovery journal of what you really think, believe, and say it aloud to hear your voice. It’s something about hearing the sound of your voice in your ears that makes this exercise real in reclaiming your soul.

God made you in His image. If you look around not one person looks like the other except identical twins and even they have differences. It’s time for your image to be known in the earth, your thoughts to be written, and voiced in the earth. It’s time for you to be present and accounted for, not mini-me, just me.

 I Am

Until next time remember that you are not alone and “Sweet sleep and angels keep!”

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THANK YOU!

Listen to one of my favorite spoken word artists: Janette…ikz “I AM”

All images other than specified are: Getty Images (Royalty-Free)

Words Followed By Signs

kidfunbeachLast time phamily we identified our Playground, our safe place, and played a game of ‘Tag’. We talked about ‘The Four R’s on Your Journey.’

  • First you had to ‘Remember’ your playground, your safe place. Whether the equipment on your playground was the swings, slide, jungle gym, or a place in your present, what’s important is you established your safe ground. Then you were also asked to remember the traumatic situation(s) that has followed you from your childhood into adulthood. I’m sure those were tough memories to remember and write down. But it’s something about writing down horrid experiences. You tend to remember more than what you thought you did and that’s a good thing.
  • Did you remember the small details?  Did you have dreams or visions that possibly filled in the gaps of those traumatic moments? I hope you wrote them down. They bring gifts of healing, forgiveness, and letting go of entities that have harassed you long enough.

Fear

CASE IN POINT: In my memoir I went to our church camp with a group of peers that I didn’t necessarily want to be around, especially one. I called her ‘Birdfinger’ (explanation in the memoir). To make a long story short, it was a rule at the camp that you had to sweep around your bed and make it up before you left the dormitory. I did. I went downstairs to wait on some young girls I met weeks before at camp. Birdfinger was told by my relative, our supervisor, to come back upstairs. My neat bedclothes were now thrown aside and debris was under my bed. In a two story dormitory military lined with two hundred beds my relative screamed at me like I was the trash underneath my bed. Trying to defend myself was nil because she never believed me anyway. I just redid my bed and swept once again.  All I remembered before I started writing my memoir was how no one took up for me or protected me. When I started this chapter I sat back and through raging emotions and tears I yelled at God and asked why didn’t He send someone to protect me? That’s when He gave me a vision of a lady with an afro sitting by a window watching the entire scene. She had tears in her eyes. I cried the more I saw her looking at me with eyes of compassion and love. I realized that the lady was God. The hurt, pain, rage, anger, and blame left my body. I felt those entities lift right up off me. Now grant it I did ask why didn’t He intervene and He told me He couldn’t because it was a part of the plan for my life. And no, I didn’t like His answer but to have those entities off of me was pure heaven. This is what I mean by small details you can miss when you’re being traumatized at any age. God reveals them to heal you at the appropriate time.

summerfun

LET’S TAKE A BREAK AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING FUN:

YOUR DISCOVERY ADVENTURE

Familiar & Practical

  • Did you find out what your soul normally gravitates to? Remember mine is the written or spoken word. I love YA, like author Jaime Reed’s “Living Violet,” or the Paranormal genre, the late great author L.A. Banks The Vampire Huntress Legend Series. As of late I’ve come to know personally and love author, Alicia McCalla. Her Dystopian/YA novel, “Breaking Free,” is a fav read due to her covert inclusion of historical events in this genetic revolution. Check her out at her site and SUBSCRIBE!  You won’t be disappointed.

The other half of your assignment was what abilities have you discovered that you like? It can also be a trait. Are you adventurous? Do you want to travel and see the world? Are you a gardener? COMMENT BELOW. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!

In what creative ways did you found out what your soul naturally gravitates too? Were you reading a book? On the train, in your car, walking? Listening to a conversation, watching television, or maybe dreaming? I really like would like to know because that’s the FUN of this adventure! Finding hidden parts of your self is a beacon of hope!

Okay, let’s get back to the second ‘R’ on your journey:

RECOGNIZE

  • From those traumatic events did you recognize patterns of behaviors from your childhood that you’ve used to survive in your adulthood? Some may be excellent survival strategies but others need to be either modified or deleted.
  •  Can you identify how trauma has affected your choices in several areas of your life? The emotional abuse that you endured has kept you in a holding pattern, shock if you will, in not understanding what your normal is when u comes to making decisions. It’s not in all situations in your life but in some cases you make decisions based on survival instincts of your childhood instead of analyzation and reason in the present. You may be afraid to make a decision based on a past traumatic act that possibly insulted your abilities, demeaned your character, or slaughtered your self-worth.

I know you’ve covered a lot of traumatic emotional territory of your past and I’m sure some of it was not easy to view but it was necessary. I truly commend you for your courage my phriend. It’s not easy to revisit unpleasant places but you are and that is a heart of resiliency and courage. You are feeling the fear and doing it anyway. But let’s take a moment and sit down here and discuss the tag team of ‘Recognize’ while I introduce its twin, the third stage ‘Remove.’

REMOVE

The third stage ‘Remove’ is when you “Discover how to remove certain behaviors and words that no longer serve you in the present moment.”  These two can work together and are interchangeable depending on what traumatic memory is prevalent at the time. Some behaviors and words are easier to remove than others. And those behaviors and words are deeply imbedded in your soul, your psyche, still protecting the little girl that was emotionally damaged. They are the chasm that separates the little girl and the adult. But as an adult you are discovering that a certain behavior and/or word due to possibly fear, rejection, or rebellion has outlived its usefulness. Now it’s time to face the fear and learn a new behavior even when you may not know what to do but do it anyway.

CASE IN POINT: I’ve mentioned before I’ve never liked confrontation. It’s a bitter pill for me to swallow due to being either vehemently screamed at or smacked in the mouth. I learned to fear opening my mouth and speaking my authentic thoughts because of these repercussions. So I held everything in and only spoke what I really wanted to say in my mind. I cursed and killed my abuser a thousand times over and meant every. last. word. Yes, I did repent and eventually forgive my abusers. Lol!

Long story short in the past two weeks I’ve had to confront the two types of people I feared the most, an aggressive female bully and an alpha male. I’ve longed to overcome these fears that began in childhood and continued into my adult years. Well, it happened, and yes, I was scared but I held my ground and opened my mouth and said what I had to say without backing down. And you know what I didn’t get smacked in the mouth or verbally abused. Yes, they spoke their mind as well but we did it in an adult manner and afterwards we had a better understanding of each other. It doesn’t mean we’re bosom buddies but that’s not the point. When I say I felt lighter, happier, and the entity Torment did not have any foothold in my soul to hang on to. Wow!

I had already ‘Recognized’ that it was high time to overcome this childhood fear but each time I was given a chance to I shirked and failed the test. But this time ‘Removal’ wouldn’t allow me to back down and I didn’t want to either. There will come a time that you can’t back down. You will, and must confront whatever has held you in static shock. As a result of these moments physically my body has rested the entire night and my outlook on people has changed. I have returned to the stronghold of hope and my relationship with my Creator and self is more intimate than ever.

lanasmiling

WORDS FOLLOWED BY SIGNS:

                       PEACEFUL

                       HOPEFUL

                       INTIMACY

                       DETERMINED

                       FEARLESS

                       CONTENT

                       TRUSTING

                       ASSURED

DISCOVERY: TELL ME YOUR SIGNS!  I REALLY WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. COMMENT IN THE SECTION BELOW.

Until next time keep allowing the stages of ‘Recognize’ and ‘Remove’ do their jobs. It will be a ‘Tag’ team process and even if you don’t respond by facing your childhood fear don’t worry it will come back at a different time, same type of personality, just a different person. The quicker you face it the quicker you will find your adult truth in the situation followed by signs in your body as it is being healed.

ENJOY FREEBIES!

    To your right SIGN-UP as a SUBSCRIBER! I have a FREE GIFT awaiting you below!!! Also there will be other FREEBIES coming REAL SOON as well!

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

namefaces

WE ARE PHAMILY

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

THANK YOU

Till we meet again travel safely, have a sweet sleep and angels keep, and know that you are not alone.

Namaste’

Lana M Hooks

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-You are worthy to be loved!-

 

LAST THING PHAMILY ENJOY MS. JILL SCOTT! HER SONGS SPEAK TO ME IN WAYS THAT ARE NOT JUST EARTHLY BUT SPIRITUAL! I HOPE YOU “FEEL” WHAT I’M SAYING. SIT BACK WITH YOUR FAVORITE BEVERAGE AND JUST LISTEN TO THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG AND KNOW THAT ‘HE’ LOVES YOU, YOU’RE SPECIAL…

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

God Help The Child

Thirty-five years ago sitting in a small classroom at a Big Ten university I was given a syllabus by my instructor. Little did I know that an assigned book entitled “The Bluest Eye” by author #ToniMorrison would speak to my silenced soul. The main character Pecola believed that whiteness was beautiful and her dark skin was ugly. She also believed that if she had blue eyes her life would be somehow different and those that were charged to protect her would finally love her. Skin color was not my issue but I had the same belief as Pecola. If I were smaller those that were given to be stewards over my life would love me too. I read this book in one night. I cried as I read Pecola’s emotional and behavioral struggle. But in hindsight I believe I was crying with Pecola, acknowledging and sharing her angst, and learned self-hatred. It was the first time I’d ever read a book that unlocked a part of my wounded soul that I kept locked with a deadbolt. Fast forward. Thirty-five years. It’s July 8, 2015.

I’m sitting at the MARTA Kensington train station reading “God Help the Child.” The main character is Lula Ann but as an adult she calls herself ‘Bride.’ Uncanny that as I’m reading she reminds me of Pecola in skin color but darker, “blue-black” as her mother Sweetness spoke of her child. I don’t want to give away the story but I will say this, if you’ve ever been emotionally abused, verbally and physically and you’re still battling the trauma of those events, this book is for you. It’s about what and how you deal with the trauma in the aftermath of having survived the hell you’ve gone through. All the while I was reading I thought it was about Bride and it is but Booker her lover and his aunt Olive were the ones who as they say in church ‘gave me a word’ that wrecked my existence.

Bride is searching for Booker who left her without a full explanation. He just plainly told her, “You’re not the one.” Her anger not being satisfied with his statement and an unpaid pawn shop bill that was addressed to her residence sends her on a road trip in search of this man. The road trip is a metaphor for Bride to contemplate her past relationship with her mother, her teaching life lessons to Bride, the neglect of not being touched, the denial of seeing others sexually abused, and the lies to gain her mother’s attention and longing for her touch. This truly is more than a road trip. A brilliant and creative addition that Ms. Morrison includes is, as Bride is reminiscing on her past, her physical body is reverting back to that little blue-black girl with virgin earlobes and childlike breast. Her wounded emotions and past scenes of her life through the people that she meets along the way to find Booker force her to reevaluate her present life, behavior, and beliefs.

There are other supporting characters such as Brooklyn, her Caucasian best friend that is extremely Envious of Bride. She hides it well, but as you read you will see it rear its head out of hiding in pretending to ‘be on her side.’ Sofia, a teacher who was identified as being a child molester when Lula Ann was a student has been released. Bride desires to meet her to welcome her back in society. Not a good idea. Sweetness, Bride’s mother knows deep down she thoroughly messed up in raising her. She thinks she was preparing her for the world because of her color but the only thing she did was push Bride away. And in the end Bride pushed her away into a place where she is safe from her mother’s words and her presence.  Sweetness is given the basic respect of a child. Bride sends her letters to inform her of her life and sometimes inclusive of money to make sure she is well-taken cared of but never her presence. That loving touch she denied her child is now being denied to her in her mature years.

When Bride finally finds Booker their meeting is loud, volatile and even though I don’t like physicality in that manner, this was very much needed. The reservoir of left behind energy explodes from emotions that have been bottled up far too long. It does settle down with Bride spent from exerting all that energy and falling asleep. But it’s the dialogue between he and his Aunt Olive, as Bride sweetly sleeps, from pages one fifty-six through one fifty-nine that kept me reading them over and over on the train until I reached Five Points and boarded my next train to get to work. My train ride and reading that dialogue, as Bride’s road trip, ignited me to go back to see what I left from my past that I needed now. But it also told me in no uncertain terms how I sabotaged what Life was bringing me to change my situation. Sometimes you really have to question why is it when Life comes to transform your belief system, change your lifestyle, or give you your heart’s desire you push it away? Do you think you are being noble to not let go of an ignorant word spoken from another wounded vessel? Do you feel like if you let go of a deceased person you loved and they loved you in return is betraying that person? Can you be loved? Do you deserve to be loved? Do you manage the dead or do they manage you?

Those four pages urged me to clean out all my bins of books, clothes and other material wares and donate them to one of my charities. Cleaning out my bins I came across thoughts in journals, words of enlightenment, poems, undergraduate thesis, Black history papers and bio’s, spiritual writings on growth and insight to the soul, and international travel brochures. I picked back up from those bins what I forgot. And that night I dreamt of my deceased mother who I spoke to on the phone but I could see her and she gave me a message of hope.

Ms. Morrison opened again a part of my soul that other people had been telling me in so many words but just like in “The Bluest Eye” Ms. Morrison has a way with words that make you see clearly. Or, maybe I was ready to not just hear these words but destroy a belief system that was managing me. The Divine knew that Ms. Morrison could get His point across to me and I wouldn’t miss it.

This book is ten stars and then some. Ms. Morrison’s excellent novel’s message came full circle in my soul. I’ve never been more at peace than I am now. The alignment was perfect. From reading the excerpt in Essence magazine in my birthday month of May, to receiving it as a birthday gift by my sister friend, who came as a surprise for my birthday gathering from Maryland, this was divinely orchestrated. Thank you Ms. Morrison for not just hearing my soul cry but countless others whose spirit wooed you to write this divine work.

I said it in the beginning and I will say it as I end. If you have been emotionally abused, verbally and physically, this book is for you. Now don’t jump ahead to those pages I mentioned that’s cheating…lol! Read these character’s lives and hear their voice. You might just hear yours intertwined with theirs.

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

Book Review and a Confession: The Sage brings it Full Circle, “God Help the Child” by Toni Morrison

God Help The Child

Thirty-five years ago sitting in a small classroom at a Big Ten university I was given a syllabus by my instructor. Little did I know that an assigned book entitled “The Bluest Eye” by author #ToniMorrison would speak to my silenced soul. The main character Pecola believed that whiteness was beautiful and her dark skin was ugly. She also believed that if she had blue eyes her life would be somehow different and those that were charged to protect her would finally love her. Skin color was not my issue but I had the same belief as Pecola. If I were smaller those that were given to be stewards over my life would love me too. I read this book in one night. I cried as I read Pecola’s emotional and behavioral struggle. But in hindsight I believe I was crying with Pecola, acknowledging and sharing her angst, and learned self-hatred. It was the first time I’d ever read a book that unlocked a part of my wounded soul that I kept locked with a deadbolt. Fast forward. Thirty-five years. It’s July 8, 2015.

I’m sitting at the MARTA Kensington train station reading “God Help the Child.” The main character is Lula Ann but as an adult she calls herself ‘Bride.’ Uncanny that as I’m reading she reminds me of Pecola in skin color but darker, “blue-black” as her mother Sweetness spoke of her child. I don’t want to give away the story but I will say this, if you’ve ever been emotionally abused, verbally and physically and you’re still battling the trauma of those events, this book is for you. It’s about what and how you deal with the trauma in the aftermath of having survived the hell you’ve gone through. All the while I was reading I thought it was about Bride and it is but Booker her lover and his aunt Olive were the ones who as they say in church ‘gave me a word’ that wrecked my existence.

Bride is searching for Booker who left her without a full explanation. He just plainly told her, “You’re not the one.” Her anger not being satisfied with his statement and an unpaid pawn shop bill that was addressed to her residence sends her on a road trip in search of this man. The road trip is a metaphor for Bride to contemplate her past relationship with her mother, her teaching life lessons to Bride, the neglect of not being touched, the denial of seeing others sexually abused, and the lies to gain her mother’s attention and longing for her touch. This truly is more than a road trip. A brilliant and creative addition that Ms. Morrison includes is, as Bride is reminiscing on her past, her physical body is reverting back to that little blue-black girl with virgin earlobes and childlike breast. Her wounded emotions and past scenes of her life through the people that she meets along the way to find Booker force her to reevaluate her present life, behavior, and beliefs.

There are other supporting characters such as Brooklyn, her Caucasian best friend that is extremely Envious of Bride. She hides it well, but as you read you will see it rear its head out of hiding in pretending to ‘be on her side.’ Sofia, a teacher who was identified as being a child molester when Lula Ann was a student has been released. Bride desires to meet her to welcome her back in society. Not a good idea. Sweetness, Bride’s mother knows deep down she thoroughly messed up in raising her. She thinks she was preparing her for the world because of her color but the only thing she did was push Bride away. And in the end Bride pushed her away into a place where she is safe from her mother’s words and her presence.  Sweetness is given the basic respect of a child. Bride sends her letters to inform her of her life and sometimes inclusive of money to make sure she is well-taken cared of but never her presence. That loving touch she denied her child is now being denied to her in her mature years.

When Bride finally finds Booker their meeting is loud, volatile and even though I don’t like physicality in that manner, this was very much needed. The reservoir of left behind energy explodes from emotions that have been bottled up far too long. It does settle down with Bride spent from exerting all that energy and falling asleep. But it’s the dialogue between he and his Aunt Olive, as Bride sweetly sleeps, from pages one fifty-six through one fifty-nine that kept me reading them over and over on the train until I reached Five Points and boarded my next train to get to work. My train ride and reading that dialogue, as Bride’s road trip, ignited me to go back to see what I left from my past that I needed now. But it also told me in no uncertain terms how I sabotaged what Life was bringing me to change my situation. Sometimes you really have to question why is it when Life comes to transform your belief system, change your lifestyle, or give you your heart’s desire you push it away? Do you think you are being noble to not let go of an ignorant word spoken from another wounded vessel? Do you feel like if you let go of a deceased person you loved and they loved you in return is betraying that person? Can you be loved? Do you deserve to be loved? Do you manage the dead or do they manage you?

Those four pages urged me to clean out all my bins of books, clothes and other material wares and donate them to one of my charities. Cleaning out my bins I came across thoughts in journals, words of enlightenment, poems, undergraduate thesis, Black history papers and bio’s, spiritual writings on growth and insight to the soul, and international travel brochures. I picked back up from those bins what I forgot. And that night I dreamt of my deceased mother who I spoke to on the phone but I could see her and she gave me a message of hope.

Ms. Morrison opened again a part of my soul that other people had been telling me in so many words but just like in “The Bluest Eye” Ms. Morrison has a way with words that make you see clearly. Or, maybe I was ready to not just hear these words but destroy a belief system that was managing me. The Divine knew that Ms. Morrison could get His point across to me and I wouldn’t miss it.

This book is ten stars and then some. Ms. Morrison’s excellent novel’s message came full circle in my soul. I’ve never been more at peace than I am now. The alignment was perfect. From reading the excerpt in Essence magazine in my birthday month of May, to receiving it as a birthday gift by my sister friend, who came as a surprise for my birthday gathering from Maryland, this was divinely orchestrated. Thank you Ms. Morrison for not just hearing my soul cry but countless others whose spirit wooed you to write this divine work.

I said it in the beginning and I will say it as I end. If you have been emotionally abused, verbally and physically, this book is for you. Now don’t jump ahead to those pages I mentioned that’s cheating…lol! Read these character’s lives and hear their voice. You might just hear yours intertwined with theirs.

Accept It But You Don’t Have to Own It

Accept It But You Don’t Have to Own It

Ok Phamily, last I shared I wanted to be more open about my emotional awareness journey. Well, being aware and mindful about my behavioral reactions to situations have led me to accept a sickness, but not own it, it is PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  Honestly, those who have been through any perilous situation have PTSD to some degree.  I’ve been reading about our veteran’s who serve the country and come back with this disorder because of how they’ve had to survive from lack of sleep, being gun ready to shoot, having shot a child or an adult first for fear of their lives being taken, patrolling territories that are bombed constantly, etc., I mean the list is endless. After reading the symptoms over and over again, as well as being told by a dear friend that when certain trigger words are said to me, I react in the same manner as a veteran challenged by PTSD. I concur.

soldier crying

If you’ve been through any consistent traumatic settings that are volatile from your childhood to young adult you have been in a war. Surviving in a home that was verbally or physically abusive will keep you on edge and constantly wondering when the next bomb is going to go off. You learn a different language altogether suffocating your authentic voice. It is imperative to find the exact words to keep your abuser at bay. You tiptoe around the home like a church mouse to throw off your location so your abuser can’t find you.  Change in the home is dynamic in nature. Situations are always occuring that after a while are predictable in form to know what the outcome will be. Preparation for an event is rare because the mood of an abuser is unpredictable. Trying to guage an attack is fifty-fifty at best. You want to have control over an incoming explosion, but really you feel out of control, especially if you are a child living in an emotionally unstable hazardous environment.

vbabuse

At work today I was notarizing a lady’s document and she began to tell me about her relationship with her mother who transitioned in 2014. Listening to her she made several statements that reminded me of my childhood. For a minute I felt that I was looking at me talking about how verbally abusive my home was growing up. But what came next out of her 60ish mouth was this, “My mother never told me that she loved me. It was not until the day before she died that she told me that I was right. She finally admitted that she had never said those words to me.” She watched and heard her mother praise all of her friends but for her it was shame and ridicule. All she wanted from her mother was acceptance, but instead she greatly feared her mother because of her verbal whip that lashed out at her and said, “you aren’t good enough.”I sat there listening to her but in my head it was replay of me and my mother a week before she transitioned in 2007. Isn’t it amazing that so many years later, no matter the age, that what was not spoken or shown can possibly affect an adult in her relationships with herself, children, and others.

Fear

If what I’ve said has resonated in you like Big Ben the clock then you may have PTSD. Now to what degree only you can define that measure. And I will add don’t be afraid to seek help, you only have two modes you operate from in a traumatic situation, survival, or, you revert back to sucking your thumb. You need someone who doesn’t know you, like your friends (it’s a lot for them to digest and more than likely they have their own issues as well), who can give you options, choices, and another unbiased perspective. These are the very things you didn’t have as a child and you grew up as an adult/child with the same belief system. I’m saying these things because I’m right here with you. I’m not telling you anything that I am not going through myself.

Isn’t it amazing how mature you can behave in one area of your life but in another you need a pamper. Traumatic events leave traces of those same exact emotions and feelings in your mind and cells. Your body literally is held hostage or frozen in time when you encounter a similar situation as an adult. It’s like you’ve never left that scene. Different people but same sh#t. We forget or sometimes don’t know that really, we are adults now. I know for me I don’t know that I’m an adult in certain situations, like when I have to confront someone who is extremely aggressive or a bully. This is my hurdle to overcome. But the truth is we are all battling something. So the question becomes what are we going to do besides seek outside help?

iRestYoga

Well, I have a few suggestions. I came across a yoga program for the veterans called iRest Yoga. You can go on YouTube and type it in and several video’s will pull up with the practice, as well a,s Dr. Richard Miller of Integrative Medicine who created the program. In my last blog I talked about falling in love with Yoga and how it has helped my body begin to heal and nerves unwind from Sciatica. It is wonderful. Now I am adding to the list iRest Yoga to see if it helps me sleep better and release stress. Try it! If it doesn’t work then seek Divine help to see what is your “thing” that can help you not just deal with trauma and stress but let it go. I believe it can leave it just may take some time. Like I said in the beginning I accept PTSD but I don’t own it. It was never mine in the first place. It was placed upon me like it was upon you. And you can send back that energy to the sender anytime of the day. I have a mantra that I say each time I feel the need to. It goes like this:

Father, this day I reclaim my energy from all past and present relationships, family, culture; their words, behaviors, and looks from those that I misappropriated my ignorantly taught, misaligned perceptions and beliefs about relationships, family, culture, religious and educational affiliations, and business and social connections! This day I choose to own MY energy!

My wall in front of my bed is my “Inspiration Wall,” (see picture below, apologize for the size). These sayings are the first thing I see when I wake up. I say them even if I don’t feel it. That’s when I say them with more passon and fervor. I have scriptures, pictures, covenants, and art work, “Psalms 23.” God is carrying the lamb on His shoulders with hands afixed around his hoofs. The lamb is looking at Him assured that he is protected by the Great Shepherd. I add to it as needed when a quote touches me in my soul. I have one from “Pretty Little Liars,” or one of my anime shows, “Soul Eater – Not!” Wisdom knows no bounds. (Don’t judge 😉

inspiration wall (61x100)

iRest is just a suggestion that I will see if it helps as well. I hope it does. Remember healing is always available just maybe not in the way we’d like it to be like – NOW! But it is available and just because you are diagnosed with a sickness or disease doesn’t mean you have to own it. I choose to find the real culprit of the malady. This is just a question I’m throwing out to you phamily.  Have you ever wondered how is it that someone can either go through what you went through or even worse but emotionally, seemingly, they are not damaged? In fact they are confident, kind, assertive, yet humble. All I know is I WANT WHAT THEY’RE DRINKING…LOL!

But this was just one of those da-m-rn days that I wanted to share with you and I hope it helped you in some way. If it did please subscribe to my blog and tell a friend. We are all on this journey together living, learning, and sharing. Please share with me “things” you do to release the stress and trauma of yesteryear or day. I would love to know in the comments!

I am worth it

Namaste’

Lana (Lah-nuh or Lan-nuh, just not Line-nuh 🙂

Your 6 Traveling Companions

Your 6 Traveling Companions

 

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Anger… Fear… Courage… Honesty… Transparency… & Forgiveness

These six entities, as I refer to them, will be your life long companions on your journey to emotional authenticity. In any abusive memory you are re-membering, their function and task is interchangeable in availing in your emotional liberation. Other entities waiting in their quiver, no lesser, will ecstatically come forth to replace the masks (behaviors) you were made to wear to survive the emotional abuse.

cryingsinging Gently, yet trepidatiously, you and these six entities will have a love/hate relationship as they unravel, reveal, and separate the authentic parts of your soul (mind, body, emotions) from your abuser’s reality that was forced upon you. True, it was unfair, hurtful, abominable, and all the other adjectives you can find of what they did to you.  I wholeheartedly agree with you!!! They were dead wrong! But at some point you must make a decision that knowing your authentic behavior, living your reality, and not your abuser’s is worth more than blaming, unforgiveness, and being a part of the living dead. Zombies are so overrated :-(.

Always you will need Courage when you take the plunge to understand why those closest to you abused you. The more you analyze their behavior, and sad to say, the more you will see where their traits have infiltrated your psyche in how you operate and behave in treating those in your circle as well.  Truth will pinch and some days kick you square in the gut. It gets bloody in the fight to let go of the hurt, the abuser, and the past. But if you are Honest with yourself, and look at how your abuser’s behavior is a part of your present reality, and accept the TruthTransparency will remove Blame and usher in Compassion.  And not soon afterwards, and when you request her, Forgiveness strolls in clearing your soul of all anger, hurts, haunts, and blame.

wrestlingIn this blog/vlog, if you are ready for the WWF (World Wide Fight) of your soul, then this is for you. I intimately know the wrestle for my path but everyone’s is different. I’m just here to guide you and be an ear to listen.  I can’t promise that it will be speedy, pretty, or a clean fight.  Old habits and beliefs die hard but if you are willing to go the tow then I’m there with you when I need to be. And remember go easy on yourself. The goal is self-love in all places of you who presently are and are be-coming.

Oh, don’t think I’m “Miss Got-It-All-Together,” no, I’m still learning about who I am, but I am well-equipped to get you in the fight, as I am continuing on my path.  The myth, that has spread this as truth, is that we who guide have it all together, and that is just not true.  Daily, if life coaches and others in the field, who are helping people transform belief systems into more excellent ways, are integral beings, they will admit we all are walking a path to wholeness.  And that can only be defined by you and your Creator.

I’m just another vessel that has been given the green light by the Divine and am so honored to take you back to your “playground” as I call it. Your “no limits,” “safe place,” or your “you can do anything and be anything place.”

junglegym

If you’re ready to go back to re-member, recognize your abuser’s behavior from your authentic behavior, remove those false behaviors (mask), and restore your soul then by all means sign up to your right my left. And truly none of your information will be given or sold to a third-party. Discretion, confidentiality, and privacy are of the utmost importance.

January 4th, LET’S GET READY TO RUMBLE! I will post a new blog and every other Saturday I will do a vlog answering your questions. Once a month we will have a Google Hangout introducing you to other fellow guides that will assist you on your emotional authenticity journey as well!!! And again, thank you for signing up! Don’t forget to send me your questions and truly have a peaceful holiday and a transformational New Year!

Oh, I almost forgot the good stuff! I will have a FREEBIE for you on that day as well!

TIP: You’ll need the book to understand the FREEBIElana_web_book_cover

Namaste