I’m sure you’ve seen the Austin Power movies with Dr. Evil and his sidekick Mini-Me who mimics him. Watching a marathon of these movies, I can’t remember which one, Dr. Evil’s biological son returns home and Mini-Me gets jealous. In his mind, he’s been the faithful son for a long time and now he’s being replaced. He desperately tries to regain his position with Dr. Evil but he rejects Mini-Me’s attempts at mimicking him. What once made Dr. Evil so happy is now a turn off to him since his biological son has returned.
I thought of how children try their hardest to impress their parents especially first born children. Parenting does not come with a rule book, or a set of instructions to teach you how to raise a child. So what do most parents do? They raise their child like how they were raised. Teaching them the same way as they were taught but not giving a thought at times that not everything they learned was necessarily all good. Parents pass down character traits, beliefs, mannerisms, opinions, ideologies, likes, dislikes, and even colloquial terms that first born children pick up quickly.
My last blog talked about uncreating verbal contracts that we make on a daily basis consciously or subconsciously with words. Before I go any further let me be very clear again not everything taught by parents were in error or removed you away from your authentic self. For instance, my mother’s love of reading, writing, and the English language is my love too. That’s a good thing. But her fear of people and evading conflict was not a good thing and I picked that up as well. You see where I’m going with this. Her books became her escapism to not face harsh realities. And as much as I saw that and disliked it I too did the same thing. It’s not easy tearing away the parts of you that were consummated from a parent. Your emotions are torn in half because you are divorcing yourself from their wounded soul to reclaim your true identity, emotions, thoughts, and voice. It feels like a betrayal. You’ve been a mini-me image living in their world for so long that now that you want to reclaim your authentic self but it feels like abandonment. And to be honest with you, you are abandoning certain traits that were never you in the first place. It’s okay.
This is an identity contract that you must uncreate. Children no matter the birth order are born with their own unique personality. It’s not fair to their psyche or the Creator to repress their thoughts, emotions, and voice. Yes, they will have features, and partial mannerisms but they will have an opinion and a voice. Let them. Actually, Dr. Evil did Mini-Me a huge favor by rejecting him. I know it didn’t feel right at the moment. Dr. Evil, without thought, sliced Mini-Me away from him but in the end, Mini-Me discovered he was his own person and didn’t need Dr. Evil.
As harsh at it may be seizing your soul back from another soul is the best thing you can do for yourself. Discovering your thoughts, beliefs, mannerism, and voice is an exciting adventure that is priceless. Think about it two souls housed in one soul are multiple souls or personalities vying for top position. Eventually, one will reign supreme and you are forced to make the decision as to which one it will be.
We’re moving into February but by year’s end don’t you want to know the person in the mirror staring back? Take some time before the next blog and write down:
Several things that you learned from a parent or one in authority over you as a child that you no longer serves you.
Uncreate the contract with that character trait, word, belief, mannerism, opinion, ideology, and replace it with what YOU want.
Go back to the last blog and repeat the words to uncreate the contract with what you’ve written above or write your own. Empower yourself utilizing your own words.
Start your discovery journal of what you really think, believe, and say it aloud to hear your voice. It’s something about hearing the sound of your voice in your ears that makes this exercise real in reclaiming your soul.
God made you in His image. If you look around not one person looks like the other except identical twins and even they have differences. It’s time for your image to be known in the earth, your thoughts to be written, and voiced in the earth. It’s time for you to be present and accounted for, not mini-me, just me.
Until next time remember that you are not alone and “Sweet sleep and angels keep!”
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Listen to one of my favorite spoken word artists: Janette…ikz “I AM”
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It’s time to delete the tape! It’s time to evict the people living inside your head, beliefs, emotions, and voice! It’s time to delete the memories in your cells! It’s time to tell those negative words, unseemly behaviors, and low-frequency thoughts to go! It’s time to uncreate the verbal contracts and break through your authentic self and life!
You were consistently verbally abused as a child and agreed to believe those words. I know you were a child and didn’t have the wherewithal to fight the words. You internalized this to mean, “You weren’t good enough.” But now you are at a crossroad in your adult life and choices must be made to uncreate the verbal contracts or stay aligned in agreement with the enemy of your soul. Are you ready?
Every word and statement, write down the person(s) name who said it. In another column write an “I AM” statement about you. For example, “I AM INTELLIGENT, OR “I AM CREATIVE. This may take a while so take breaks. You can do this in stages. It can be emotionally intense. Take your time. Write a few words and people for an hour a day and speak aloud the below declaration. Say aloud your new “I AM” affirmations daily too. Move in that vacant space your new beliefs hearing your own voice.
When you have completed as many as you can say aloud the following declaration with the Restorer of your soul!
I renounce and denounce every word spoken to me that I’ve believed from a child. I am not these words and statements. I am a child of I AM! And I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I am a divine being created in the image of I AM. I choose to speak I AM forth by rewriting my mental, emotional, and physical script with my voice and behavior.
For those who attacked me with their religion and co-signing God’s name to their abuse, I renounce their god of bondage and fear and choose to learn God for myself. I renounce and denounce the language of a slave and I speak the language of freedom! I am worthy. Period.
On this day ______________ I uncreate every verbal contract that I agreed to and by the great I AM I ask that it be destroyed and sent back to the sender. Amen
You will repeat this declaration as needed. You’ve existed in another person’s reality for a long time and they don’t want to leave so easily. Those memories are in your cells and must be removed.
The next few techniques are excellent ways of clearing your cells. Take walks, being in nature clears your mind. Another practice is to take your hands and pat them, on the top of your thighs like you’re walking. One last exercise is to fold your arms and take your hands and pat your arms like you are walking. It seems strange but that motion blocks negative mind chatter.
You are ‘Removing, what no longer serves you and Restoring’ your authentic emotions, thoughts, and voice! This is a journey so take steps and read my friend Neil Vermillion’s blog. He has insight that will assist, affirm and order your steps daily.
In my next blog January 30, 2016, I will discuss “Forgiveness.” I may have a special guest blogger to walk you in forgiveness. This is her field of expertise. Meanwhile, enjoy Ms. Janet Jackson’s “Control.” We know WHO is really in control of our lives but “Self-Control” is a ‘Fruit of the Spirit’. Until then…know that you are not alone, sweet sleep, and angels keep.
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Remember the game Tag? I know it’s a child’s game but sometimes it’s the simple things that bring the most clarity to an adult child situation, yeah, an adult child. When you’ve been emotionally traumatized as a child that moment in time is frozen in your mind, cells, and behavior. You learned how to behave in that abusive environment to survive, but unfortunately those techniques followed you into adulthood. Also, that emotionally charged situation left a wound in your soul that you exist from on a daily basis. Dr. Janet Woititz, psychologist, that worked with Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACOA) stated, “…most adult children have in common a set of dysfunctional ways of behaving which interfere with (or simply take the joy out of), daily living…leftovers from something missed along the way in growing up- and to develop more effective ways of living.”[i] She adds it doesn’t matter how you got there, meaning, rejection, abandonment, molestation or any other emotionally abusive manner. What matters is you are here at this point and age and not living your life.
So today we are going back to our ‘Playground’ and play Tag. The Four R’s On Your Journey are Remember, Recognize, Remove, and Restore. Today we will discuss the first two, Remember and Recognize. In my memoir, “Dirty Breath: Trapped by Rejection,” I talk about places where I felt safe, free, and my weight didn’t matter. The playground was that place for me at school. It’s important you are safe as we journey back to some places that will ignite emotions that have either been deeply buried in your soul or you feel them on a daily basis. If you don’t remember a safe place you have the awesome task of choosing your present day safe place – your playground.
Remember.Return to your ‘Playground’, your safe place.
Your playground is a time and a place of your choosing that you will be protected and not disturbed. You can sit with a glass of your favorite beverage with pen, pencil, paper, IPad, Kindle, laptop, etc., to write down your intimate thoughts. No one will be there except your Creator, and personal angels to ensure your privacy and safety from things seen and unseen.
I’M IT: For the last couple of weeks I’ve been talking about PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Basically, in relation to how a traumatic past or past-present event, either from your childhood or later has the power to guide and effect your current emotions and behavior. It is possible to believe a demeaning statement that was never your reality but your abusers wounded world. For example…
I’m restructuring my nutritional intake, exercising, and on the grind rebuilding and discovering streams of income. It’s a lot, but more importantly, it is pulling up past abusive scenes, faces, and words of moments regarding relationships (family, peers, religious), weight, abilities to learn, and money (poverty beliefs).
At the end of June I had an emotional breakup. Yes, an emotional breakup with what “they” said. I’ve said probably a million times before that I wasn’t what “they” said about me but I didn’t believe a word of what came out of my mouth. I couldn’t see the other side of ‘their’ hurtful words. I lived in my mind where the entity Torment daily did its job. Those dysfunctional childhood situations, people, and words played over and over in my mind as if they were literally here, with me, in present mode. I lived each and every day with a stress level that was slowly killing me. I walked, talked, and thought in Torment’s world of bondage and fear.
*As a side note you will see me refer to emotions whether negative or positive as entities. Words have power and yes, I do believe that life and death is in the power of the tongue. Try this test. Say aloud the word ‘beautiful.’ How does it make you feel? What part of the body do you feel the energy of that word? Now say aloud the word ‘ugly.’ How does it make you feel and what part of the body is the energy flowing from? I believe words carry the energy of their definition. Depending on the word and the intent of the person it searches for a wounded soul or a welcomed soul to inhabit. They enter in one’s body by another body saying words that are carried by their breath. *
Belief in a word, a statement, a person in anything can either bring life or death. I treaded in death’s hallway even though I spoke life giving words. I even strongly encouraged others with those same words. But to me, they were just words. My beliefs in the esteem damaging words were stronger than my belief in life-giving words.
I wanted Torment to stop. Even though heart issues, like weight loss, from childhood were being answered by the Divine the critical self-talk and scenes from yesteryear were killing me. In my memoir I tell the story of why it means so much to me that my Creator would answer an eight year old little girl’s prayer forty-five years later. But I knew this madness had to stop. I had to make it stop. So I made up in my mind that day, screaming at the top of my lungs, crying and looking like a raccoon, to the Divine and the Council of Heaven that I was not going to accept my abusers talk anymore and I needed their help! With snot running out of my nose and down my lips I declared to heaven, earth, and all the negative entities that I wasn’t going to talk to “me” that wounded way anymore. I was double dogg damned tired. My Creator knew this time I meant every word and He heard me, as I’m sure the negative entities did too, but I didn’t care. My answers and help were waiting on me to just get tired as yours are waiting on you, I’m sure.
I’ve been talking about weight loss but rest assured you can apply this practice to whatever was used to traumatize you. The entity used to traumatize me was Rejection. If you are diligently losing weight and your self-talk is still the same, you will gain the weight back. I promise you will. But first, let’s identify the unlimited various ways in which the Universe can assist you in answering your questions. I will share with you mine as an example.
1. FAMILIAR & PRACTICAL: I’m a reader. My soul gravitates to books on psychology, spirituality, soul, and consciousness. I think you get the picture. So when I’m seeking to be healed in my emotions or questions answered the Master of all scribes sends me the answer to what He knows that will peak my interest. Thus, the above stated avenues. The written word is not my only link, just like you, we all have hobbies or interest like movies, etc., and that we just love to do or view. There is no explanation why other than it brings us a peace in our soul (mind, body, emotions). In other words it’s fulfilling and that’s why the Creator uses what you naturally acclimate to.
YOU’RE IT: Take a minute phamily and think about your hobbies or interests. What do you like to do without thinking about it? Are you a reader of romance, paranormal, or biographies? Do you play sports, jog, walk, paint, knit, writer, or a diy’er? When your body and mind is in fun motion do ideas come to you quicker than you are moving? How does doing the things you like make your body feel? Even if you don’t know what you like, what would you like to venture out and do? Whatever is the first thing that comes to mind just…
WRITE THOSE DOWN!
I’M IT: RECOGNIZE: This is the second of ‘The Four R’s on Your Journey. Explore the various ways you’ve operated to survive. ‘Pay Attention’ and be ‘Aware’ of your thoughts, words, and behaviors. Learn the frequency by which your soul speaks.
Now that you’ve written down your familiar and practical avenues let’s continue. What is the traumatic event, like a New York turnstile, continuously playing over and over in your head? No matter where you are at, with people, or by yourself, the scenes from that moment reverberate in your soul. For me it was the scene of learning how to ride a bike and I was told because I was fat I couldn’t learn. I know it sounds crazy but that scene coupled with the words, looks, and behaviors of key players set the stage for all my male/female/authoritative relationships, job choices, and trying new things, and it greatly affected how I felt about my weight going forward. The belief system I learned from my abuser’s was birthed from not learning how to ride a bike.
1. I believed I couldn’t learn anything without someone being there to hold onto for security.
2. I believed that close family members would not protect me. In fact they verbally and sometimes physically abused me in front of my peers and other authority figures or remained silent and did nothing. I knew by the age of ten adult figures in my family would not protect me. I tell stories in my book of how the more I was rejected by those who supposedly loved me I became invisible and buried my voice.
3. I believed that other female peers would either not look at me due to the entity Shame or Pity and would join in with the adult figures of my family and verbally abuse me. Guys that I liked would look away from me due to the entity Embarrassment or Pity. They bowed to peer pressure for fear of being ridiculed of liking a fat girl. I knew by the age of eight nice looking guys would not want to be with me unless under the guise of darkness because I was fat.
4. I believed that I couldn’t verbally hurt people back because I didn’t want them to feel that kind of hurt and more so I was afraid of being physically hit. Before I decided to not fight back I tried to verbally defend myself. I was met with a hit to my mouth by the adult or, in their rage, would scream and verbally berate me in front of my peers and other adults. The cost of the entities Embarrassment,Shame, and Pain was too high to pay. So I remained quiet.
5. I believed that the only place I could live freely was in my imagination, sexual fantasies and thoughts, in essence, in my head. My thoughts and words were not good enough to express openly. Since I was physically compared to my peers I imitated their personality, physical expressions, even how they spoke. I committed “identity theft” which done excessively becomes ‘multiple personality disorder.’ My thoughts, voice, and personality went to sleep deep inside my soul.
In a more simplified form this was my belief system.
Afraid to learn new things because I thought I was the entity Dumb.
Not good enough to be a friend with females, or be with a nice looking guy because I was fat, or voice my thoughts.
No one will protect me especially family.
Fear of authority figures (God & man). Those that claimed they were His children became bullies and physically abusive when you challenged them. So I thought since they were His children He sanctioned their behavior towards me which, in my mind, made Him a bully too.
Afraid of being hit or verbally abused by females and males (adults and peers) if I disagreed with what they said or told me what to do.
I believed that I was a bad seed and unworthy to be loved by God or man. This belief system followed me well into my adult years all because I didn’t learn how to ride a bike. Wow! Like I said I know this sounds, well, crazy, but it’s true. It wasn’t just this one time but it was the initial seed planted in me. The scenes and people changed but the pattern of how I was treated by family and peers consistently was based on the initial seed until the age of ten. At that age and a kick to my leg the belief systems were solidified in my soul. Emotional Abuse is as real as Physical Abuse. In fact, both are equally as harmful. It just depends on which one will be predominantly used against you. But both will be present no matter which one is used more than the other. If this sounds like you…
YOU’RE IT: Write down your memory or memories and see what belief system you’ve accepted as yours to survive. This may take some time so we will resume week after next, August 15th, with another blog post. But feel free to view past blog post at lanamhooks.com and read other articles on why I began to discuss PTSD.
I’m celebrating three wonderful birthday’s coming up in a matter of days. And I want to be fully present with them as they celebrate another glorious year of their marvelous lives!
Until we meet again the entity Pay Attention and Aware wants to show you other avenues or ways that you naturally gravitate to without thought that give you messages or answers to your questions. This is fun because you may not have been aware of these at all. Just be open with the entity Pay Attention and Aware and allow energy of the definition to do its work and watch what happens. And don’t forget to
WRITE THEM DOWN!
That will be a part of your quest for next time as well!
I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU
Leave a comment and let me know if what I’m writing is helping you face some traumatic memories and to finally leave that place to feel, think, speak, and live your authentic life. Also let me know your thoughts about having HANGOUTS in the near future with guest who will not only share their journeys as well but give words of wisdom to conquer the trauma!
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You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.
Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!
Until we meet again travel safely, have a sweet sleep and angels keep, and know that you are not alone.
*****THE SONG FOR THIS BLOG WAS MY FAVORITE BACK IN THE DAY! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH TAG BUT IT’S ALL ABOUT THE PLAYGROUND. I ALSO THOUGHT IT WAS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE IT WAS A FUN SONG THAT EVEN CHILDREN AND ADULTS DANCED TO! **** ENJOY!!!