That was Yesterday

 

Living in the past and viewing the past is two totally different belief systems and behaviors. A scenario from a co-worker can best explain the distinction. The names have been altered.

Moon: I think I made a mistake.

River: What do you mean? What happened?

Moon: Well, I was going over my messages that I’ve sent over to the head office and I think that I put the wrong message on another’s client’s chart.

(Moon’s normal small eyes are huge like her name.)

River: Ok Moon, let me look at the case and see. I’ll come over to your desk.

(River gears up for the worst to access the damage. Outwardly she’s cool, inside she’s trying to find the road, she needs to navigate the situation and Moon. Moon retells the story and shows River on the computer what possibly could have passed for the mix-up. As River listens, she has visibly seen the process of why this happened. Moon completes her explanation. She looks to River to repair the situation. She looks for hope.)

River: Ok Moon. First of all, you just got here and you’re not going to know everything about this position. Second, it’s not that bad. Let me make a phone call and speak with my go-to person there so we can rectify this. In the meantime, I will add an addendum to the note you’ve sent.

(Moon’s face softens, and her shoulders relax – a bit. River madly writes the new note as Moon watches. River notices Moon’s mouth is made into an ‘o’. She’s breathing through her mouth.)

(River calls her contact. They discuss the messages and several options how this can be handled. They determine, as Moon intently watches River’s face and listens to half the telephone conversation. River hangs up.)

River: Ok Moon, this is how we decided to manage the messages.

Moon: Am I in trouble? Oh, my… I just got here…

River: Calm down Moon. You’re not in any trouble. You just got here, and we don’t expect for you to know everything. Errors will be cleared, but the good thing about this is, you will think of this moment and know what to do if this situation comes up again. Also, the client will be fine. It was merely a matter, ensuring the client’s actual message was fixed. So, it’s alright, really. Everything has been worked out for you.

Moon: Oh, thank you River. I really appreciate all your help.

River: You’re welcome, but let me ask you a question. What made you look back at your message?

Moon: I check them because I want to see if I made any mistakes and when I saw that I knew was not the message I had written for the correct person.

River: Well, it was a good thing that you went over the message. But all is well now so just be mindful of the names on the account. Just take your time, okay?

Moon: I will. But I could have sworn I wrote that message on the other account.

River: Well, it’s fine now.

(For River the situation is over, and she goes back to her work.)

Silence.

A couple of minutes later River looks up and sees Moon staring at the computer screen and holding her arm.

River: Moon, are you ok?

Moon: She turns around, “Yes, I am fine. We did all that we could, and I will watch the accounts to make sure I notate the correct one.”

River: You’re sure you’re all right?

Moon: Yes, that was yesterday. I’m good. I did all that I knew to do. I can do no more

When Moon made that statement about “that was yesterday” it touched me deeply. Here was a scenario that could have run amiss. The confusion could have potentially been distressing for the client. Moon listened to her intuition to check on her work, and she obeyed. She asked for help, nervously trusted the situation to someone whom she felt would make the best possible assessment and waited. She waited for an unknown outcome, hoping it would be favorable. I could see the questions forming in her mind from possible past similar experiences. Being a new employee would this be a blight on her new journey? Me telling her what the other voice she couldn’t hear on the phone say the solution worked in her favor. I saw her finally breathe a full breath and let it go. Moon allowed herself to feel and experience her emotions. She allowed them to pass through her and not keep them bottled up inside of her soul to create wounds. Her silence came not to keep rehashing the situation in her mind, but to allow peace, contentment and gratefulness to occupy the place where fear once resided. Her simple reply, “that was yesterday” is a person who was now viewing her past and living in the moment.

Gleaning from this hour scenario I sat at my desk and thought about past situations that I was still living in. I decided that when I got to my safe place, I’d write each one down. I did. I also decided that no matter where I’m at in the process I would say to each one, “that was yesterday.”

What are you going to say to the unpleasant childhood memories? Are you going to continue to live in the past or view them from the present with no toxic emotional attachment? Are you going to forgive all parties involved and that does include yourself? Are you going to finally accept you did what you thought was best at the moment, and the belief or behavior you used to protect you no longer serves you? Or are you going to allow yourself to finally say, “that was yesterday?”

Namaste’

Set Your Intentions – Be Brave!

Set Your Intentions – Be Brave!

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May is my birthday month. Yes, my age changes, but I’m more concerned with maturing spiritually, mentally, intellectually, socially, financially, and relationally. I called for an inventory of what things need to be modified and what needs to go away.

As a good deal, I’ve read from life coaches to listen to your “gut” or “internal voice” I found it challenging to act thus. Why? I allowed my emotions to run amok and speak louder in situations, thus overruling and distorting my perception. But I told myself for the month of May I wanted to do something different and I did. Yes, my emotions bucked because they were used to ruling the roost. But I made myself sit quietly and allow my emotions, their say, and then when they wound down I said four words – PRESENT, PROTECTED, PRAISE, & PEACE.

Now mind you I learned this meditation technique from Richard Miller, PhD  founding president of the Integrative Restorative Institute. The following exercise has greatly aided in calming my mind and easing my soul into a lying state. It didn’t matter the surroundings, I was in I still was able to do this technique. At work, on the bus, walking, and in my car now, it works. As you practice this exercise you will notice unresolved past hurts enter your mind like a New York marquee sign. It’s tiring and nerve-wracking but believe it or not, it’s a good thing. The more unresolved issues that are elevated to the surface means it’s time to release or modify. Too, this exercise assisted in discovering the little voice to identify which one that I needed to perform.

maturemeditationAs you answer the following questions pay attention to how they make you feel. Start with your first knee-jerk response. Don’t think long or you’ll think wrong. You desire that “what feels good” solution.

 

 

1. What is my deepest desire for practicing meditation?

2. How many minutes each session am I truly willing to dedicate to the practice?

3. How many days a week am I truly willing to meditate?

4. With respect to a particular meditation session, what is my deepest desire for and during this session? (For instance, is your goal to welcome a particular sensation or to remain undistracted by what’s arising in your awareness, and instead to experience and abide as awareness?)

“Then, express each intention as a concise statement of fact in the present tense, as if it’s already true. This enables your subconscious mind to register your intentions as actualities instead of possibilities, giving them greater power to materialize. For example, instead of saying, ‘I will meditate five days a week for 20 minutes each time,’ affirm, ‘I meditate five days a week for 20 minutes each time.

Next, pick one, two, or even three intentions and shorten them into simple, easily remembered phrases. For instance: ‘I meditate three times a week for 10 minutes each time’ can be stated as ‘Three and 10!’ ‘I’m kind and compassionate toward myself’ becomes ‘Kindness!’ And ‘I speak truth in each and every moment’ becomes ‘Truth!

Finally, repeat your intentions internally to yourself at the beginning of, throughout, and at the end of every meditation practice. Always affirm your intentions with deep feeling and certainty, with your entire body and mind.”1

Phamily, practice this exercise and reply below if it helps you as a good deal as it has served me. Here’s to your excellence in soul (intellect, body, emotions) health!focus2

Namaste’

 

 

 

Listen to one of my favorite “brave” warriors – Brene Brown. She has challenged me to get back up when I fall.  And each time I do I am  intentionally being brave!

“There is no shame in falling. It’s only when you don’t get back up you allow shame to win.” LMH

 

1 Richard Miller, PhD, “The Staying Power of Intention – How setting the right intention can help you stick with a meditation practice,” Yoga Journal  May 2016:  34.

How Do You ‘Scend?

How Do You ‘Scend?

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howtorockI’ve learned a new term in rock climbing called ‘scend. It is “when a climber must not just work with the rock, but must also become absorbed by it.” Reading one of my favorite magazine’s Spirituality & Health the term is coined in an article entitled, “Understanding the Rush to Connect.” The author speaks of how people who are thrill seekers are often misunderstood and unfairly labeled by those who don’t imbibe in extreme sports. They are often spoken of as the aggressive jock who must conquer at all cost. When actually the writer states that most participants are people who “feel empowered, more by humbling emotions than by dominant ones. Instead of feeling larger than life, they feel small and vulnerable… As these athletes work in unity with the natural environment, humanity’s dependence on and responsibility to the earth becomes markedly clear.

I, for one, love extreme sports. But alas, I’m a spectator, not a participant. It’s not that I don’t want to but certain physical challenges limit my ability to do so. Yet, even as a spectator, I feel the rush with the participant. I allow my body to feel the exhilaration, the near misses, and the misplaced step that invites a loss.

wheretorockThis term, though peaked my interest to see if I ‘scend in my own way. Do I become one and connect with activities that I do partake in. Off the bat, I knew writing was a ‘scend for me. When I’m into a story my imagination soars. Creating worlds, people, places and things are my crack addiction. I see these creatures in my mind. I try to be descriptive as I can breathing life into their character. Watching anime, or children’s movies are the simplest wisdom and answers to questions I’ve posed to the Universe. The other night I saw the Disney/Pixar movie Inside/Out. I laughed because at that moment I was battling with how I’ve been seen through the lens of other people. Labels such as “you are too emotional,” or, “your emotions are unstable.” I will agree at times they are but watching this movie allowed me to see how certain emotions, i.e., sadness, is needed in order to unearth the root of what you’re feeling. Any emotion can be “too emotional.” As in the movie the emotion Joy had to learn balance and when it was her turn to just follow. Every emotion has its place, time, and exact moment to realize what is needed for a person to fully connect with self. I have more area’s but for the use of time and you are not pressing the browser button to go to another article I’ll stop here. But I’ve learned three points from ‘scend.

  •   It’s not a one time ascension to conquer a problem.
  •   You may not make it to the top, but each time you attempt to climb again you will have small victories.
  •   Each problem has several peaks within itself that will need to be addressed strategically, methodically, and sometimes painfully slow.

scaredrockThis means there are lessons to be learned that possibly will take longer to reach the goal. It doesn’t mean that you’ve failed. It means that what you’re scaling is monumental and must be defeated brick by brick. No, it’s not fun or easy, but break it down into bite sizes so you can celebrate the small victories along the way. And yes, celebrate! This is forgotten along the way. I know I have because I concentrated on the pain of the climb and was too tired or angry to see how far I had come. I’ll be transparent. I haven’t celebrated my journey as much I should have because it was too daunting. And yes, sometimes it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to be. I concentrated on my way versus the Universe’s way of defining the victory. I know, the entities Pride and Control yeah, I tussle with them too… lol! But at least I can admit it. Victory!

Okay, I’ve run over my word limit, but I thought this word important to share with you. Think about how you connect with your activities and people. How do you ‘scend?

Namaste’

Go Further

Go Further

 

womenwalking

Go Further

These two words from a sister friend haunt, yet, excites me. It’s a challenge to go beyond what you’ve been told, what you’ve heard, and what you’ve seen. It matters not the dysfunctional family circumstance, or not, you were born into. Your past familial decisions and interactions, yes, can be a factor but in your grasp, you have the power of choice. Another statement echoes heavily in my mind, “When you know better you do better.” You do have viable thoughts, a relevant voice, and emotions that can be healed and balanced. I’m stating what I’m practicing daily. Go further.

Go further.

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Being African American, majored in African American Studies, and a reader I’m constantly reminded of those who’ve laid down their very lives for freedom?  Sometimes I wonder if this is really the 21st century. It’s funny. I’ve been rummaging through my black history books and papers from undergraduate and graduate school. I compared articles from the past with articles in the present. With the exception of the date, names, and places it’s a “Different century but same shit.”  It’s sad that we have to proclaim that #BlackLivesMatter in 2016. Just as “Black Power” was the war cry of the late 60s and 70s this is our rallying cry in the new millennium. Really?! When I see that hashtag an image in my head from Spike Lee’s movie, “School Daze,” stands out and it’s at the end of the movie. Laurence Fishburne is outside in the college yard screaming at the top of his lungs “WAKE UP!” Beyoncé is on the chopping block for her song “Formation” at Super Bowl Fifty for honoring her culture. WOW! Look at the media hype when someone of her stature honors her culture. The true consciousness of a people emerges when a culture takes pride in their ethnicity. The terms “radical, arrogant, terrorist, militant, thug, not appropriate” among others are yelled in arrogance and ignorance. Sad.  I want to act surprised but I can’t. This is the reality as of February 14, 2016, and it’s getting worse.

Go further.

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People are being let go from their employment without a hint of the impending notice. The sensitivity and delicate subject of releasing employees are handled like pigs in a slaughterhouse. They are not withdrawing enough monies from their employees to even file for unemployment. This is devastating for families who are living paycheck to paycheck which is ninety-eight percent of America.

Even as I write this I still hear “go further,” ringing in my head. I believe there is something beyond this level of consciousness that we are to exhibit. It will take guts, courage, risk, insight, and faith for humanity to make this jump to a higher consciousness.

Can it be done? Yes, one person waking up, letting go of what no longer serves them, learning the lessons in every situation, and courageously taking steps one day at a time.

Will it be done? Yes, by few, but sincere and choosing to live, walk, and be in their authenticity.

Go further is a mandate. It’s a proclamation followed by individual decrees. It’s a resolve to be an authentic human, be the change in the world, and to not be sidetracked by the rhetorical garbage spewing in every form of media.

Allow a different spirit to overtake you and see there are no giants in the land. That power is in your hand, and if not, ask the Universe to show you who took your power and take it back! The Universe is waiting for you to show up. The Universe is on your side and loves you. I know it’s hard to believe that but take the risk and find out for yourself. This is your time to “Go Further!”

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Remember you are not alone! Sweet sleep and angels keep! Namaste’lana_web_book_cover

Listen to one of my favorite motivational coaches – Lisa Nichols! This is Google Talk and she is sharing from her new book, “Abundance Now.” Listen and listen and listen again! This phenomenal woman is here to show us that “ordinary people do extraordinary things.” Let her push you into making your dreams become concrete!

Lisa

Words Followed By Signs

kidfunbeachLast time phamily we identified our Playground, our safe place, and played a game of ‘Tag’. We talked about ‘The Four R’s on Your Journey.’

  • First you had to ‘Remember’ your playground, your safe place. Whether the equipment on your playground was the swings, slide, jungle gym, or a place in your present, what’s important is you established your safe ground. Then you were also asked to remember the traumatic situation(s) that has followed you from your childhood into adulthood. I’m sure those were tough memories to remember and write down. But it’s something about writing down horrid experiences. You tend to remember more than what you thought you did and that’s a good thing.
  • Did you remember the small details?  Did you have dreams or visions that possibly filled in the gaps of those traumatic moments? I hope you wrote them down. They bring gifts of healing, forgiveness, and letting go of entities that have harassed you long enough.

Fear

CASE IN POINT: In my memoir I went to our church camp with a group of peers that I didn’t necessarily want to be around, especially one. I called her ‘Birdfinger’ (explanation in the memoir). To make a long story short, it was a rule at the camp that you had to sweep around your bed and make it up before you left the dormitory. I did. I went downstairs to wait on some young girls I met weeks before at camp. Birdfinger was told by my relative, our supervisor, to come back upstairs. My neat bedclothes were now thrown aside and debris was under my bed. In a two story dormitory military lined with two hundred beds my relative screamed at me like I was the trash underneath my bed. Trying to defend myself was nil because she never believed me anyway. I just redid my bed and swept once again.  All I remembered before I started writing my memoir was how no one took up for me or protected me. When I started this chapter I sat back and through raging emotions and tears I yelled at God and asked why didn’t He send someone to protect me? That’s when He gave me a vision of a lady with an afro sitting by a window watching the entire scene. She had tears in her eyes. I cried the more I saw her looking at me with eyes of compassion and love. I realized that the lady was God. The hurt, pain, rage, anger, and blame left my body. I felt those entities lift right up off me. Now grant it I did ask why didn’t He intervene and He told me He couldn’t because it was a part of the plan for my life. And no, I didn’t like His answer but to have those entities off of me was pure heaven. This is what I mean by small details you can miss when you’re being traumatized at any age. God reveals them to heal you at the appropriate time.

summerfun

LET’S TAKE A BREAK AND TALK ABOUT SOMETHING FUN:

YOUR DISCOVERY ADVENTURE

Familiar & Practical

  • Did you find out what your soul normally gravitates to? Remember mine is the written or spoken word. I love YA, like author Jaime Reed’s “Living Violet,” or the Paranormal genre, the late great author L.A. Banks The Vampire Huntress Legend Series. As of late I’ve come to know personally and love author, Alicia McCalla. Her Dystopian/YA novel, “Breaking Free,” is a fav read due to her covert inclusion of historical events in this genetic revolution. Check her out at her site and SUBSCRIBE!  You won’t be disappointed.

The other half of your assignment was what abilities have you discovered that you like? It can also be a trait. Are you adventurous? Do you want to travel and see the world? Are you a gardener? COMMENT BELOW. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!

In what creative ways did you found out what your soul naturally gravitates too? Were you reading a book? On the train, in your car, walking? Listening to a conversation, watching television, or maybe dreaming? I really like would like to know because that’s the FUN of this adventure! Finding hidden parts of your self is a beacon of hope!

Okay, let’s get back to the second ‘R’ on your journey:

RECOGNIZE

  • From those traumatic events did you recognize patterns of behaviors from your childhood that you’ve used to survive in your adulthood? Some may be excellent survival strategies but others need to be either modified or deleted.
  •  Can you identify how trauma has affected your choices in several areas of your life? The emotional abuse that you endured has kept you in a holding pattern, shock if you will, in not understanding what your normal is when u comes to making decisions. It’s not in all situations in your life but in some cases you make decisions based on survival instincts of your childhood instead of analyzation and reason in the present. You may be afraid to make a decision based on a past traumatic act that possibly insulted your abilities, demeaned your character, or slaughtered your self-worth.

I know you’ve covered a lot of traumatic emotional territory of your past and I’m sure some of it was not easy to view but it was necessary. I truly commend you for your courage my phriend. It’s not easy to revisit unpleasant places but you are and that is a heart of resiliency and courage. You are feeling the fear and doing it anyway. But let’s take a moment and sit down here and discuss the tag team of ‘Recognize’ while I introduce its twin, the third stage ‘Remove.’

REMOVE

The third stage ‘Remove’ is when you “Discover how to remove certain behaviors and words that no longer serve you in the present moment.”  These two can work together and are interchangeable depending on what traumatic memory is prevalent at the time. Some behaviors and words are easier to remove than others. And those behaviors and words are deeply imbedded in your soul, your psyche, still protecting the little girl that was emotionally damaged. They are the chasm that separates the little girl and the adult. But as an adult you are discovering that a certain behavior and/or word due to possibly fear, rejection, or rebellion has outlived its usefulness. Now it’s time to face the fear and learn a new behavior even when you may not know what to do but do it anyway.

CASE IN POINT: I’ve mentioned before I’ve never liked confrontation. It’s a bitter pill for me to swallow due to being either vehemently screamed at or smacked in the mouth. I learned to fear opening my mouth and speaking my authentic thoughts because of these repercussions. So I held everything in and only spoke what I really wanted to say in my mind. I cursed and killed my abuser a thousand times over and meant every. last. word. Yes, I did repent and eventually forgive my abusers. Lol!

Long story short in the past two weeks I’ve had to confront the two types of people I feared the most, an aggressive female bully and an alpha male. I’ve longed to overcome these fears that began in childhood and continued into my adult years. Well, it happened, and yes, I was scared but I held my ground and opened my mouth and said what I had to say without backing down. And you know what I didn’t get smacked in the mouth or verbally abused. Yes, they spoke their mind as well but we did it in an adult manner and afterwards we had a better understanding of each other. It doesn’t mean we’re bosom buddies but that’s not the point. When I say I felt lighter, happier, and the entity Torment did not have any foothold in my soul to hang on to. Wow!

I had already ‘Recognized’ that it was high time to overcome this childhood fear but each time I was given a chance to I shirked and failed the test. But this time ‘Removal’ wouldn’t allow me to back down and I didn’t want to either. There will come a time that you can’t back down. You will, and must confront whatever has held you in static shock. As a result of these moments physically my body has rested the entire night and my outlook on people has changed. I have returned to the stronghold of hope and my relationship with my Creator and self is more intimate than ever.

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WORDS FOLLOWED BY SIGNS:

                       PEACEFUL

                       HOPEFUL

                       INTIMACY

                       DETERMINED

                       FEARLESS

                       CONTENT

                       TRUSTING

                       ASSURED

DISCOVERY: TELL ME YOUR SIGNS!  I REALLY WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU. COMMENT IN THE SECTION BELOW.

Until next time keep allowing the stages of ‘Recognize’ and ‘Remove’ do their jobs. It will be a ‘Tag’ team process and even if you don’t respond by facing your childhood fear don’t worry it will come back at a different time, same type of personality, just a different person. The quicker you face it the quicker you will find your adult truth in the situation followed by signs in your body as it is being healed.

ENJOY FREEBIES!

    To your right SIGN-UP as a SUBSCRIBER! I have a FREE GIFT awaiting you below!!! Also there will be other FREEBIES coming REAL SOON as well!

NEED A BOOK CLUB SPEAKER, KEYNOTE SPEAKER, OR WORKSHOP LEADER

I’M AVAILABLE!

You can purchase my memoir, “DIRTY BREATH: TRAPPED BY REJECTION,” at https://www.createspace.com/5102704 and at Amazon under the title. I would love to speak at your next book club meeting (Atlanta metropolitan area), or have a virtual book club meeting through social media. I am also available to speak at your church, organization, or conference.

Contact me at: authorlmhooks@gmail.com Yay!

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WE ARE PHAMILY

Lastly, please share this blog with other people you know that can benefit from it. I want our community of people to know we were/are not alone and there is help for the adult child to be emotionally healed. You just have to want to do what it takes and that my friend is a road uniquely designed for your transformation!

THANK YOU

Till we meet again travel safely, have a sweet sleep and angels keep, and know that you are not alone.

Namaste’

Lana M Hooks

FREEBIE DOWNLOAD!anotherarrow

-You are worthy to be loved!-

 

LAST THING PHAMILY ENJOY MS. JILL SCOTT! HER SONGS SPEAK TO ME IN WAYS THAT ARE NOT JUST EARTHLY BUT SPIRITUAL! I HOPE YOU “FEEL” WHAT I’M SAYING. SIT BACK WITH YOUR FAVORITE BEVERAGE AND JUST LISTEN TO THE LYRICS OF THIS SONG AND KNOW THAT ‘HE’ LOVES YOU, YOU’RE SPECIAL…

It’s Been A Long Time

It’s Been A Long Time

Gods shineHey Phamily!

I hope this note finds everyone well and enjoying this spring weather soon to be summer. Here in Atlanta it hasn’t been that hot but I know we will have some of those days in a minute or so. Well, I know I haven’t written anything since February and I owe you a huge apology on several levels. One, I discovered some things about myself that admittedly I didn’t want to face, two, time. It felt like I never had enough time in the day to get things done (mis-management). And three, I was to embarrassed to share them with you. Yes, I am sitting in the corner and I’m giving you the “I’m sorry” stare. How can we talk if I’m not willing to share the most inner parts of my life, that quite frankly, I’m sure we all go through. So I am revamping my site, accepting all my stuff (you know I will say that word alot:-), being honest with myself, and most importantly with you guys.  Forgive me, please? 🙁

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Just to give you the rundown of what’s been happening and I will share more later. One, I am losing weight and it has been a helluva challenge for me. I’m an old school thinker of losing weight but my fifty-three year old body is saying, “Damn girl, you can’t do that aerobic s#&t like you used to.” So I’m having to regroup, and rethink how to lose weight for my temple in its present state. Now mind you I’ve lost 55 lbs. since last September!!! YAY!!! But I barely exercised, I just started cooking and laying off the fast food, or little to no food. Being told that anything I ate was going to make me fat, I HATED FOOD. I was AFRAID of food. This belief system had to go. I profusely apologized to my body of how I deprived it of nutrients that it needed from food. I starved her. Yes, starved her and still weighed in the two hundred plussssses! It can happen, trust me. I am mending my relationship with food and falling in love with her by cooking her for my temple to receive what she needs. FOOD NETWORK is my soap opera…lol!

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I am doing YOGA!!! Yes, Yoga. I stretch forty-four minutes, four days out of the week. Don’t you dare laugh (it’s okay, I laugh at me too). My body needs that stretch to pop out the kinks. This is what you have to do when you don’t have a man…lol!  Okay, I digress. Then I follow it by STRENGTH training, about twenty minutes. I have really fallen in love with resistance bands. They are the bomb. Better than a five pound weight in my hands. Then I do CARDIO on my elliptical machine. Now mind you I’ve had this machine since 2004. I see you laughin’ yo’ tail off and I deserve every snicker of it. This machine has sat in my den (when I had a home), storage space, and now living room in my apartment right beside the dinette table. I know it is in shock from seeing me climb on with my timer and do an intense twenty minute workout. And finally, I do CRUNCHES! I’m up to fifty crunches and I increase ten each week.

My weight has been my Achilles heel since I was ten years old. A belief system I breathed and believed in me regarding my weight that was yelled at me has lived in my psyche and cells far to long. I have used it as an excuse to stop living and exist on the periphery of life. I have a been a bystander and watched other people live and believed it was not for me – BULLSHIT!

I WANT TO RIDE THE ROLLERCOASTERS AT SIX FLAGS AND BUNGEE JUMPING!!!

This is the summer and really year of “TAKING BACK MY LIFE!”

My temple deserves to live out the rest of its life in excellent health in every way. I owe my temple from all those years of carrying unnecessary words (since the age of ten), other people’s stuff (their problem with their own weight and life choices), and physically not allowing anyone to help me lift heavy items (sometimes I had to when no one else was around/and afraid of men). So phamily I’m losing weight and weights of things that no longer serve me. Like “letting go” of old scenes, situations, and people by FORGIVING them and FORGETTING the emotions, the feelings of whatever offended me, and I them, too. It’s been a crawl pholk, but worth it. And lastly, I want to be married before I forget what it feels like to have a man in my life. I don’t want to be a spinster, an angry, embittered female who blames men for all her ills. That is so unfair to the brothers who are doing the right thing. But nor do I want to be with just any man to say I have one. No. I want to be with the man that God really created for me and I for him. So phamily this is just a tidbit of what is going on in my world. I haven’t even got to the economical belief system that needs to be thrown out and revamped. But I can tell you this it is also tied to my weight – go figure. I will have more to tell you in a little bit. I may put one more blog on here just to give you an update with pictures of me. We’ll see 😉

LASTLY, (for real)

help

I’m looking at how to make the site more interactive, fun, and inclusive. If you guys have any ideas please share them with me in the comments section. I’d appreciate any and all suggestions. And if you wanna be a guest blogger, by all means, introduce yourself by emailing me on the CONTACT page. I guess that’s it for now. I will see you when school starts in August. So for now everyone enjoy your summer, do something fun, and plunge into it with all of your being!summerfun

Namaste’